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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In expecting him to pick me up from the airport?

388 replies

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:01

I'm currently travelling alone in Mexico and I realised I had made a mistake with my coach times to get home from the airport as I forgot about the time difference. A new ticket is £40 and a 6 hour coach journey returning home at 8pm by which time I will have been travelling for around 24 hours and I am back at work the next day. I rang my partner and asked if he could give me a lift from the airport , it is about a 2 and a half hour drive. He says he has a meeting at 10am and I land at 11:15, I said ok I don't mind waiting at the airport for you to arrive, he says he will be too tired as he drove 5 hours to Devon yesterday for a music show and he doesn't know how long the meeting will last so he can't do it and it's my fault that I fucked up the times. I said he was being selfish as I would go out of my way to help him in this situation. Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
Wanttobekind · 23/09/2023 17:46

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:39

I would rather be in the comfort of a car for 2 and a half hours than sitting on a coach for 6 hours but hey ho I've paid for the ticket now but I've told him I'm not happy about it .

I’m sure you would, love, wouldn’t we all, but what you don’t appear to have noticed is that in order for that to happen your recent boyfriend has to drive for almost that long on a work day. He may be self-employed but that is still employed. Get your head out of your arse and put your big girl pants on.

Mydogisamentalist · 23/09/2023 17:46

I’m not actually sure you are being unreasonable and even if you are unreasonable for asking you’re not for being disappointed in his answer.

I think I’d be a bit upset if I’d been away for a while and a new boyfriend wasn’t chomping at the bit to see me. Realistically him driving won’t get you home much earlier but it shows care and a certain level of commitment that sometimes you just need in a new relationship. I think if it was me it wouldn’t be getting the bus that upset me but the feeling of not being cared for would.

Mountaineer0009 · 23/09/2023 17:47

could the meeting be rearranged ? @dramallamamx

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 23/09/2023 17:47

Justnot · Today 17:12

I don’t get the very unreasonable, in a relationship you should want to look after each other. Help when your partner has a mishap - if you can. If I asked a friend with all the same provisos, likes to drive, isn’t busy, I would think any of my friends that could, would.

No way would I either ask for a lift from my friends or expect them to ask me for one - unless it were a dire emergency, like all public transport cancelled as happened with the 7/7 terrorist atrocities.

Not fancying a 6 hour coach journey does not qualify as an emergency.

  • Edited: use of italics for clarity
caringcarer · 23/09/2023 17:48

I'd be considering the relationship. If you've been driving him about when his car is in the garage he's being a bit mean not to help you out. Clearly he doesn't love you.

SlippySarah · 23/09/2023 17:48

Why do you feel your new boyfriend should drop everything and drive for 5 hours on a work day when it's completely unnecessary (because there is a coach you can take)? The fact your mum was willing to spend £300 so you could get a taxi suggests it's because you're a spoilt princess.

Basilthymerosemary · 23/09/2023 17:49

Caroparo52 · 23/09/2023 16:11

What about train?
If you're independent enough to travel to Mexico on your own then you're able to arrange your own transport without being a drain on someone else.

This.

MariaVT65 · 23/09/2023 17:51

Have I understood this right? You don’t want to do a 6 hour coach journey where you can nap, but you’re angry that your bf doesn’t want to do 5 hours of driving?

The issue here is that you should have asked to start your new job a day later. I’d imagine you’d be knackered anyway. Start dates are mostly negotiable.

SomeCatFromJapan · 23/09/2023 17:54

OP you're doing the right thing, despite the predicable "you're so entitled" responses. A relationship that is going to last the distance isn't one where the other person can't be bothered putting themselves out for you - a loving partner wants to make your life easier.
Let other people settle for the duds.

Basilthymerosemary · 23/09/2023 17:55

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:39

I would rather be in the comfort of a car for 2 and a half hours than sitting on a coach for 6 hours but hey ho I've paid for the ticket now but I've told him I'm not happy about it .

So you would rather be be uncomfortable for 5hrs to accommodate you?!

This is so entitled and selfish and I think would form an impression on a new relationship.

Vivi0 · 23/09/2023 17:55

Justnot · 23/09/2023 17:42

People have different expectations, maybe that makes me entitled but it’s also what I am used to. Grew up in the suburbs, getting lifts was the norm ( public transport pretty shit back then) I’ve driven for most of my life, not the most confident but if a friend had asked me to do this and I could, I would have done it, never mind a partner.

I had a friend who was like this and would have done this sort of drive for friends too. So many people took advantage of her good nature.

But she was actually a massive people pleaser.

She started counselling because her relationships were all give and no take on her part, learned about boundaries and started to say no.

I really don’t think your viewpoint on this is necessarily a healthy one.

MariaVT65 · 23/09/2023 17:57

SlippySarah · 23/09/2023 17:48

Why do you feel your new boyfriend should drop everything and drive for 5 hours on a work day when it's completely unnecessary (because there is a coach you can take)? The fact your mum was willing to spend £300 so you could get a taxi suggests it's because you're a spoilt princess.

I would say OP that your mum’s £300 offer for a taxi isn’t a normal every day bog standard offer from a parent. So it’s unrealistic to compare this with your boyfriend’s refusal to drive you. If you expect a bf’s offer to be comparable in helping you, you may be disappointed in future relationships.

Allofthisisasimulation · 23/09/2023 18:00

I think you are being a bit unreasonable tbh - fair enough for asking (as he might have said ok), but not for trying to make him feel/look bad.

Vivi0 · 23/09/2023 18:00

SomeCatFromJapan · 23/09/2023 17:54

OP you're doing the right thing, despite the predicable "you're so entitled" responses. A relationship that is going to last the distance isn't one where the other person can't be bothered putting themselves out for you - a loving partner wants to make your life easier.
Let other people settle for the duds.

Let other people settle for the duds.

Lol. You mean let other people settle for those who have boundaries, self respect and can say no in the face of guilt tripping and obvious displeasure.

That’s not a “dud” as far as I’m concerned. A dud would be the person driving an unnecessary 5 hours when he has other commitments because his partner told him to.

Peachy2005 · 23/09/2023 18:00

@dramallamamx Clearly in this relatively new relationship, you’ve done too much for him in the past…it hasn’t been appreciated, it certainly won’t be reciprocated and YOU are the one who is more eager/keen (of the two of you). So now you need to take a step back and decide how you feel about that. Good luck in the new job!

AtrociousCircumstance · 23/09/2023 18:01

YANBU. He’s obviously a taker.

And I bet he doesn’t really have a meeting.

Justnot · 23/09/2023 18:04

Vivio - it would be reciprocated by my friends and family - mutual care, not one person doing it all the time. My sister loves driving and is always up for a pick up. She is in no way a pushover. People are different.

TheBabylonian · 23/09/2023 18:04

YABVU. If you are big enough to go travelling alone in Mexico you are big enough to sort your own shit out.

Allofthisisasimulation · 23/09/2023 18:04

SomeCatFromJapan · 23/09/2023 17:54

OP you're doing the right thing, despite the predicable "you're so entitled" responses. A relationship that is going to last the distance isn't one where the other person can't be bothered putting themselves out for you - a loving partner wants to make your life easier.
Let other people settle for the duds.

'a loving partner wants to make your life easier' - is that what OP is doing for her partner then?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 23/09/2023 18:06

just checked a couple of timings because it rang a couple of bells. I used to live in Loughborough and normally flew from East Midlands (12 minute drive) but Mexico I would have to go to Gatwick at a 2hr 30 drive. Without knowing which airport the op drove him to there is no comparison.

GirlOfTudor · 23/09/2023 18:08

I think you are unreasonable to expect anyone to take 5 hrs minimum out of their work day.
He drove 5 hrs yesterday and this would be another 5 hr drive. Driving that far every day is exhausting.
Him driving there and back would no doubt cost more than a £40 coach ticket. The time the coach takes is irrelevant as I assume it's the same or similar to the one you'd booked before?

GirlOfTudor · 23/09/2023 18:13

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:53

I actually gave him a lift the same day that my university portfolio was due in in July and he knew that. I'm not counting favours but he knows I have gone out of my way for him in the past.

I assume this lift didn't require a 5 hr round trip? And I'm sure that your uni deadline was communicated well in advance, so I'm hoping you weren't waiting until the last day to hand your work in?

PollyAmour · 23/09/2023 18:14

Get the coach. Sleep on the coach. Turn up at work jetlagged - so what? We've all been there.

diddl · 23/09/2023 18:16

I think it would be different if it was an emergency or if you wouldn't get back until the early hrs if he didn't pick you up.

5hrs (imo unnecessary) driving is a big ask.

Ýsette · 23/09/2023 18:20

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:02

In comparison i rang my mum and mentioned it to her and she offered to pay for a taxi for me. I said no as it's £300 and it's too much money. However the differences in responses has made me realise that his response wasn't normal.

Get a train and sleep on that