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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In expecting him to pick me up from the airport?

388 replies

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:01

I'm currently travelling alone in Mexico and I realised I had made a mistake with my coach times to get home from the airport as I forgot about the time difference. A new ticket is £40 and a 6 hour coach journey returning home at 8pm by which time I will have been travelling for around 24 hours and I am back at work the next day. I rang my partner and asked if he could give me a lift from the airport , it is about a 2 and a half hour drive. He says he has a meeting at 10am and I land at 11:15, I said ok I don't mind waiting at the airport for you to arrive, he says he will be too tired as he drove 5 hours to Devon yesterday for a music show and he doesn't know how long the meeting will last so he can't do it and it's my fault that I fucked up the times. I said he was being selfish as I would go out of my way to help him in this situation. Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
Ozziedream · 23/09/2023 18:23

I wouldn’t dream of asking my husband, much less a boyfriend of short duration.

WasThereAnotherTroyforHertoBurn · 23/09/2023 18:25
Come On Reaction GIF by Amanda Cee Media

Give it up people, she ain't listening.

Dixiechickonhols · 23/09/2023 18:26

I do think the boyfriend/partner makes a difference.
I wouldn’t ask dh of 20 years to do it.
He’s self employed so him missing 5 hours work impacts shared finances.
Petrol cost would be more than coach ticket - you appear to resent spending £40 of your money but happy for him to spend £70 of his.
I’d worry about him driving tired eg he may not have a break after 2 hours if he knows you are waiting and meets overrun.
You are safe and using comfortable public transport there’s no reason to get you. No late night or difficult changes etc.
I used to get myself home from surgery 200 miles to minimise cost and he needed to work. Didn’t mean he doesn’t care just practical.

Cadburysucks · 23/09/2023 18:26

Get the train and then a taxi nearest to your home, if it’s 2.5 hour drive it won’t take as long as a coach journey.

thetrainatplatform4 · 23/09/2023 18:27

TheBabylonian · 23/09/2023 18:04

YABVU. If you are big enough to go travelling alone in Mexico you are big enough to sort your own shit out.

This

WasThereAnotherTroyforHertoBurn · 23/09/2023 18:27

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:41

And I'm reconsidering the relationship over this , I don't want a relationship that's one sided .

If I was his mother I would praying so hard now.......

londonrach · 23/09/2023 18:30

I see his point. Taxi might be the best option. It be awful if he crashed as so tried.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 23/09/2023 18:32

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2023 16:48

But she's done it for him!

Show quote history

Presumably not at short notice, on a day where she was supposed to be working though?

BungleandGeorge · 23/09/2023 18:32

You’re selfish, you’re expecting him to do 5 plus hours driving plus parking/ waiting around and all the cost that goes with. All you have to do is sit on a coach for 6 hours which will cost less than his petrol and parking. Sleep on the coach, presumably if you arranged a flight to
get back the day before a work day you were ok with that!

Wnikat · 23/09/2023 18:35

you want him to do a round trip of 12 hours to pick you up?

penpep · 23/09/2023 18:35

His answer was very telling. He's just not that into you, sorry.

Daisyb1080 · 23/09/2023 18:36

My husband would do that in a heartbeat as long as it was possible for him and I would for him. Isn’t that what being kind and in a loving relationship is all about. Why so many people saying you are entitled for asking. What a strange response.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 23/09/2023 18:37

YABU especially as the time it will take him will be about the same time for you on a coach. Why is there is a need for him to waste his time as well as you? Tbf you sound needy.

Glittertwins · 23/09/2023 18:37

Keeping score on favours is also not the way to maintaining a healthy relationship either.

ambitchious · 23/09/2023 18:38

Yabvu. That would be a 5hr drive. No thanks.

Coyoacan · 23/09/2023 18:38

Justnot · 23/09/2023 17:42

People have different expectations, maybe that makes me entitled but it’s also what I am used to. Grew up in the suburbs, getting lifts was the norm ( public transport pretty shit back then) I’ve driven for most of my life, not the most confident but if a friend had asked me to do this and I could, I would have done it, never mind a partner.

This is what I am seeing. A lot of people nowadays grew up in households where no-one ever took public transport and are consequently even frightened of it.

ambitchious · 23/09/2023 18:39

ambitchious · 23/09/2023 18:38

Yabvu. That would be a 5hr drive. No thanks.

Saying that I know my dh would 100% offer to come and pick me up though..

Lahdedahiam · 23/09/2023 18:41

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:08

Been together since April .

Don't make plans for your first anniversary..... I'm not sure you'll make it!

diddl · 23/09/2023 18:41

Daisyb1080 · 23/09/2023 18:36

My husband would do that in a heartbeat as long as it was possible for him and I would for him. Isn’t that what being kind and in a loving relationship is all about. Why so many people saying you are entitled for asking. What a strange response.

´But Op was previously OK with getting the coach.

Just now that the timings are different it's a big inconvenience.

CherryCokeFanatic · 23/09/2023 18:45

If I was him and you started turning this into a big deal I’d be binning you off lol. 5 hours for him vs £60 for you. So you value his time at not much more than minimum wage it seems.

CherryCokeFanatic · 23/09/2023 18:45

*£40 so even less than minimum wage!

Chelseagreen · 23/09/2023 18:49

This is something that has always struck me. Usually with youngsters doing a gap year and travelling etc. They can get themselves to all sorts of weird and wonderful places and then ask their dad for a lift home from the airport.
It’s ridiculous. OP, you are being unreasonable.

Cockmigrant · 23/09/2023 18:52

YABVU.
I don't understand the fuss about the coach. You were going to take the coach but messed up the timings so needed to rebook for later. Well shit happens when you're travelling. You cocked that one up but it could easily have been a delayed flight or some other problem.
You were perfectly capable of travelling alone in Mexico so you are also perfectly capable of hanging around an airport and then sitting on a coach for 6 hours.

Completely unreasonable to expect someone to drive 2.5 hours to pick you up and then drive back 2.5 hours - 5 hours in total. There will need to be rest stops as well as that is dangerous. 2.5 hours in one go is ok but then he'd need something to eat and a decent break before driving back.
The inconvenience to him and the effort he will have to make is far greater than you just sitting on a bloody coach.

Can't believe you called him selfish.
This relationship won't last long at this rate.

LuckyPeonies · 23/09/2023 18:55

YABU. It would not even occur to me to ask someone to drive for 5 hours, just to save me one extra hour by coach.

WetBottomOnTheNightBus · 23/09/2023 18:58

I think saying no and hearing no with good grace are life skills worth having. (There are exceptions obviously but I don't think your situation is one tbh)
You are free to end a relationship for any reason.