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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In expecting him to pick me up from the airport?

388 replies

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:01

I'm currently travelling alone in Mexico and I realised I had made a mistake with my coach times to get home from the airport as I forgot about the time difference. A new ticket is £40 and a 6 hour coach journey returning home at 8pm by which time I will have been travelling for around 24 hours and I am back at work the next day. I rang my partner and asked if he could give me a lift from the airport , it is about a 2 and a half hour drive. He says he has a meeting at 10am and I land at 11:15, I said ok I don't mind waiting at the airport for you to arrive, he says he will be too tired as he drove 5 hours to Devon yesterday for a music show and he doesn't know how long the meeting will last so he can't do it and it's my fault that I fucked up the times. I said he was being selfish as I would go out of my way to help him in this situation. Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
ChrisPPancake · 23/09/2023 17:29

Tbh I'd not want to drive a 5 hour round trip to pick up my husband of 25 years, especially if the reason was him cocking up timings!

Why can't you do the coach trip you'd booked? If you even land on time by the time you've got your bags back etc even if you get an earlier bus you're not going to get home much earlier than 8 surely?

Brefugee · 23/09/2023 17:30

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:08

Been together since April .

Definitely a huge ask. I'd say no. Just fork out for the coach and learn your lesson about planning your travel better

category12 · 23/09/2023 17:31

lemonraincoat · 23/09/2023 17:27

You are being unreasonable. I would not expect anyone to drive 2.5 hours to pick me up - and then drive another 2.5 miles home. You sound rather entitled (and hard work).

But she's done it for him a couple of times at his request.

I think if you ask such favours of a new girlfriend, you should be prepared to return them and it's not unreasonable for her to ask.

Vivi0 · 23/09/2023 17:31

Highfivemum · 23/09/2023 16:23

You are getting such a mixed response on this. Although I can see his point I know for a fact my DH would travel to get me without question. We all make mistakes and I think he is being uncaring. As I said you will get mixed opinions on this but for me I wouldn’t ask my DH age would have offered. Last year my flight was cancelled ( only a domestic flight and my DH said he would drive to get me. 7 hours each way. Thats what we do for ones we love

Last year my flight was cancelled ( only a domestic flight and my DH said he would drive to get me. 7 hours each way. Thats what we do for ones we love

Unless you needed to get home following some kind of emergency, I think that your DH driving 7 hours to collect you when you could book onto the next flight, or get on the train, is quite extreme.

If he had nothing better to do, then fine, but most people have work commitments and/or family commitments (children etc), so it is an entirely unreasonable example of what “what we do for the ones we love”.

I certainly wouldn’t have allowed my DH to do that for me, and it is not something that he would expect of me either. I would say that not putting someone in a situation of undertaking a 14 hour drive when there are alternatives, is something that we do for those we love too.

DirectionToPerfection · 23/09/2023 17:31

CherryMaDeara · 23/09/2023 17:24

But he has expected OP to do TWO airport pick ups.

He’s a user.

Show quote history

OP has been asked a couple of times if it was from the same airport or a local one, and if she had to take time off work to do it. She hasn't answered.

cuddlebear · 23/09/2023 17:31

CherryMaDeara · 23/09/2023 17:24

But he has expected OP to do TWO airport pick ups.

He’s a user.

Show quote history

Possibly not same airport? Could be a much shorter journey.

Spareus · 23/09/2023 17:32

sodthesodoff · 23/09/2023 16:11

You boyfriend of five months won't commit to a five hour round trip on a work day because you messed up?

No I don't think he's unreasonable. I think you're a bit shitty for making him feel bad and having a go at him for it

Yes of course your bloody mother is going to offer to help out. She's not your boyfriend of five bloody months.

This x 100! YABU he has work!

LadyMary50 · 23/09/2023 17:33

Bit strange OP didn’t mention in her opening post that she had twice given her boyfriend lifts to the airport🤔

Notonthestairs · 23/09/2023 17:33

2 airport drop off/collections from the same airport?

LadyMary50 · 23/09/2023 17:35

cuddlebear · 23/09/2023 17:31

Possibly not same airport? Could be a much shorter journey.

Show quote history

Or perhaps it never happened😊

NutellaNut · 23/09/2023 17:37

YABU

Hollyppp · 23/09/2023 17:38

YABU

Lavender14 · 23/09/2023 17:38

I'm sorry op but I think yabu. You made a mistake and you're asking him to drive 5 hrs so you don't need to sit in a coach for 6 hrs on a day when he's working. I wouldn't ask dh to do that but I mean I guess there's no harm in asking. But I also don't think I'd hold it against him for declining. I don't see why he would get you because in the time it takes you to get home it'll work out the same anyway. Tbh I think saying he's no other commitments in that day when he's got a meeting he doesn't know the run time of and he's in work shows a lack of respect for his job and time on your part. I think you're stressed with travelling (because it is exhausting and stressful) and you're kind of taking it out on him. Part of solo travelling means dealing with these things independently... it just comes with the territory.

thedancingbear · 23/09/2023 17:38

LadyMary50 · 23/09/2023 17:33

Bit strange OP didn’t mention in her opening post that she had twice given her boyfriend lifts to the airport🤔

Probably because it didn't happen.

punnetofcherries · 23/09/2023 17:38

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:41

And I'm reconsidering the relationship over this , I don't want a relationship that's one sided .

He's better off out of a relationship with you if you're acting like this!
Jeez, talk about entitled

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 23/09/2023 17:39

OP, make sure that you post back with a tearful update to confirm that your boyfriend (not partner, mind) has rightly broken up with you but not before given you some very harsh home truths.

Nothing else will satisfy some of the posters on here.

Whether you were unreasonable to ask or not, the gleeful thigh-rubbing at your discomfort is nauseating.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 23/09/2023 17:39

I wouldn't expect my husband to pick me up for a 5 hour round trip from the airport to save me a 6 hour journey that I mixed up (I've known him 20 years) it wouldn't even enter my brain to ask!
He wouldn't ask me either, we'd just say .... ahh well what a mess up! £40 more to pay!

theresnolimits · 23/09/2023 17:40

I go away with my friends and I never expect my DH to pick me up or drop me off. Because I’m a grown up and if I can get myself overseas, I can get myself home in the UK. You’ve been to Mexico, presumably on a nice holiday, and you expect him to drop everything and drive 5hrs. I can’t believe you’ve got the gall to ask, let alone be disappointed. I’d drop this if I were you.

Justnot · 23/09/2023 17:42

People have different expectations, maybe that makes me entitled but it’s also what I am used to. Grew up in the suburbs, getting lifts was the norm ( public transport pretty shit back then) I’ve driven for most of my life, not the most confident but if a friend had asked me to do this and I could, I would have done it, never mind a partner.

S910441 · 23/09/2023 17:43

Have you tried to change the coach ticket to a different time?

JANEY205 · 23/09/2023 17:43

The journey for him would be the same as the journey for you, so I think YABU. It’s a work day for him. Why should he do 5 hours (which realistically will be longer waiting on you and if he needs to stop etc) when you can do 6 hours? I just don’t get the point. April is a very new relationship too!

Coyoacan · 23/09/2023 17:44

I'd rather sit in a coach than hang around the airport

Dartmoorcheffy · 23/09/2023 17:45

Lots of flight delays at the moment too

Butterkist8 · 23/09/2023 17:46

So you want the comfort of a car for two and a half hours but your boyfriend will have to drive for five hours???!!!

Your mistake, you sort it out.

Dartmoorcheffy · 23/09/2023 17:46

Lots of flight delays at the moment too