To expect parents to collect their child from my house

[Kanoe2]

DD friends use our house as a hang out in the evening after school. They are early teens. They don't have dinner with us but do have snacks and will leave between 6-8pm.

One of the friends has an expectation I will give her lift home every night. Her parents have never picked her up. She will only walk home if my DD escorts her. With the evenings drawing in I don't want my DD walking in the dark alone once she has dropped her home.

I have told this child that she needs to arrange getting home with her parents if she wants to come over. I am told by the child parents will collect her. Then on the evening, it will be an excuse why they can't collect her and I have to drive her home.

I have told DD if this child can not get home then she will no longer be able to come over everyday. This has caused tension between the girls.

AIBU?

'You expect my daughter to walk home alone but not yours?'

This question needs to be part of your conversation

This !

Tell the parents you'll put her in a taxi and they will have to pay for it. I bet they are suddenly able to collect her then.

Tell CF friend "I can't drive you as I've had a drink. Call your parents to either come and pick you up or organise an Uber. No my daughter can't walk you home as I do t want her walking back on her own. And unless you've organised a lift home tomorrow please don't come over!"

In your position I would ask for the parents number and send this:

’We love having x here but with the nights drawing in you will need to collect your dd as we head into the winter. I am not comfortable with my dd walking in the dark.
If you are unable to collect, perhaps it’s better that the girls get together during the day at weekends going forward. Best wishes op ( dd mother)

id be telling the girl that if she is unable not get picked up then she shouldn't be coming over as its rude to demand lifts of others. If she arrives at your home and hasn't got a lift then she needs to leave in daylight, this is not acceptable behaviour and she needs to be made aware of that.

If you don't tell her she will continue to be entitled.

I would not want daughters friends round after school every night on weekdays and especially in winter time with dark nights.
Is this not an inconvenience for you ? Don't you want to get tea time out of the way? Do you wait until they have gone home before you eat? I would put a stop to it. Does your daughter ever go to their houses?
You have no need to explain. Could you maybe pick your daughter up from school, and say your going food shopping or hospital visiting, anything to change the routine. Your daughter can tell her friends she has chores to do or homework.
But change this pattern. I think your doing cheap childcare tbh.
Good luck .

Before dark I often kick early teen and friends out for a walk/ to the park/ on an errand to buy milk. From where everyone can find a way home. It became expected from that

Wait til next time she comes over, make DD wait at home while you drop her friend off, take her right to the door and speak to her parents face to face. Tell them that you have expressed that if their daughter wants to come over, she needs to have someone to pick her up. It may be that she's just not relayed the message to her parents.

Not your's or your daughter's problem, and I would be saying that the friend is no longer welcome in your home, if she's calling you rude!!

GoingDownLikeBHS I hope you put a stop to the friend coming round after that

Our house is used as we have a longstanding agreement with the other friends mum that her DD can come to our house after school and is collected by the mum when she finishes work.

How did this come about, thought you didn’t know the mum? Anyway why can't the girl go to her own house after school?

Is this girl safe? Do you know her parents? It sounds like she doesn’t want to be in her own home for whatever reason and doesn’t want to bother her parents.. to me it sounds like she might not feel safe?

“His” is the operative word. Have you not realised that young girls walking alone after dark are much more vulnerable than boys.

When you see this girl you tell HER directly the problem and that she is being cheeky. You tell her you will give her a lift home and you will be discussing this with her parents as the situation is untenable and/or unsafe. I would also say you are deeply unimpressed at her saying you are rude when she expects a lift and hasn't the courtesy to ask if it is convenient in advance. I would be explaining the meaning of CF in no uncertain terms.

If my daughter doesn't like it, tough. If daughter falls out with girl, then girl really isn't worth the effort.

Be an adult and be direct rather than all the fannying about and a 12 year old calling you names for not doing her a massive favour.

Say your car is broken.

I have lived in a similar situation where children ( teens) were left in my care so I couldn't but drive them home - anyway too far to walk. Then one day I overheard a conversation about an event they all wanted to go to, very late at night, and one parent saying to her daughter ánd a few standing nearby : you'll all have to ask [Jane]'s mother, she's crazy enough to shuttle you all around in the middle of the night. And thát my dear friends, hurt me só much that it made me end the free taxiservice for my daughter's friends, from one day to the other. I still went to take/pick up my own girl, left the others behind. My husband preferred me to take his nice big car for nightly pick-ups (safer than my own cookie-tin) so I guess it stung when they saw us driving of. Their parents still called me, "if you're driving anyway, could you then...." No. Never again.

Yes speak to the parents. More than likely the girl is having you on and just doesn’t want to walk alone. The parents probably are fine with her walking and tell her to do so when she asks for a lift

uber account?
if parents cant pick up it is not yr responsibility to take them home or for yr daughter to walk them.
thats what all the kids around here i know do.
how far is it?
bicycle??

There are a lot of double standard. They don't want people round their house but it's okay for their daughter to be round yours. They don't want their daughter walking home alone but it's okay for yours. Your worried about their kids but they have no regard for yours. The arrangement isn't reciprocal. Then the child has the cheek to say your being rude.

I wound up taking my son's friend to and from drama club ( miles out of my way). It transpired that if I didn't he would not be allowed to go. This was the only activity this child had. Both parents could drive but they "wanted to relax" in the evenings. I did it for 2 years till the lads left school

This

OP, has allowed this ridiculous situation. The girls should be doing their homework in their own homes after school.

YANBU however, do you know the parents well/ the girl's situation at home? Sometimes there's more going on behind closed doors and she may not want you to know (e.g. alcoholic parents, abusive parents etc.) your home may be her safe space to the extent where she will say anything to ensure she can keep coming over without telling her parents.

That’s likely not the child but the parents. Dd’s friend’s mum expects immediacy like this and will tell her dds off and punish them if they don’t comply.

My son is the same age and does occasionally go to a friend's straight from school - because they catch the same school bus and he'd rather get off two stops earlier at his mates than come home and then walk back the way the bus has come - there are three of them, and they usually all go to the ones house - because he lives closest to the park

He's then home for 6 for tea - he walks home