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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU we should be forcing children to change in front of everyone

149 replies

Justoverit25 · 22/09/2023 19:39

I know there will be people who think otherwise but it’s something that’s causing many issues recently at DDs school.
at a parent/ school meeting it was made clear that all girls and boys in year 5 and 6 will get changed for PE in one classroom and there will be no exceptions. In the same meeting they were explaining about PHSE and how important it is now because some of the children have started reaching puberty. ( they are year 5 )
my daughter is one of those where she is developing in areas which is fairly obvious.
she also has the addition of having tubes in those areas.
daughter came home and said that another girl in her class was very upset because she didn’t want to change for PE in front of the boys. This particular girl is a bit bigger than most of the class and her mum hasn’t been able to get her to attend school since.
I know we are preparing them for adult life but I honestly can’t think of any time as an adult I have been forced to get dressed in front of the opposite sex. What age do we start to deem this as unsuitable ?

OP posts:
Timmytap18 · 22/09/2023 19:41

YANBU, mine started her period in year 6 and was quite developed. I think that's unfair tbh.

MargotBamborough · 22/09/2023 19:42

I wouldn't be happy with this.

Original poster
Justoverit25 · 22/09/2023 19:42

Sorry obviously I meant should not be forcing 🙈

OP posts:
TheDuck2018 · 22/09/2023 19:42

Absolutely should not be getting changed together, and I would be playing merry hell up if they tried to enforce this!
At our school the kids come to school in their PE kits on games day, much better idea.

LittleObe · 22/09/2023 19:43

We did this when I was at school. Yes it felt odd at first but tbf nobody was ever weird about it. Theyre 10/11.

Plus, there's no time for them to all do it in the loos and there are no changing rooms, space for changing rooms or money to build any.

At the end of the day nudity in itself isn't sexual. It's just a body.

Catlover77 · 22/09/2023 19:43

No this is not acceptable at that age

edwinbear · 22/09/2023 19:43

I’d kick off merry hell about this. And I’d be withdrawing DD from PE until it was sorted.

Timmytap18 · 22/09/2023 19:43

TheDuck2018 · 22/09/2023 19:42

Absolutely should not be getting changed together, and I would be playing merry hell up if they tried to enforce this!
At our school the kids come to school in their PE kits on games day, much better idea.

Oh I was trying to remember how ours did it. They did it like this, on the day with P.E they just came to school in their kit so no changing.

LittleObe · 22/09/2023 19:44

But I do think some kids should have permission to use the loos. The autistic boy in my year was allowed to.

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/09/2023 19:45

Even in the 50s we didn’t change together at primary school! Girls changed in the girls’ toilets and I presume boys changed in the boys’ toilets

Studswagger · 22/09/2023 19:46

It’s bloody ridiculous. When exactly are adults expected to take their clothes off in front of a crowd of people and chastised if they don’t?!

How are they supposed to learn that their body is theirs, no means no, pants rules and not to pressure or be pressured into doing things they don’t want to do with their intimate body parts and also be forced to strip in front of a room full of people and presumably the teacher and ta?

theduchessofspork · 22/09/2023 19:46

LittleObe · 22/09/2023 19:43

We did this when I was at school. Yes it felt odd at first but tbf nobody was ever weird about it. Theyre 10/11.

Plus, there's no time for them to all do it in the loos and there are no changing rooms, space for changing rooms or money to build any.

At the end of the day nudity in itself isn't sexual. It's just a body.

You wouldn’t say this about 14 year olds or adults would you?

Pre puberty it’s fine, but once some of them are in puberty it isn’t.

I would absolutely tell the school to sort it out. And question if they would be doing this if as many boys as girls had entered puberty.

HeliosPurple · 22/09/2023 19:46

I’m a teacher. We ask children to come to school in PE kit on PE days. There is absolutely no reason for children to be getting changed at school.

smallshinybutton · 22/09/2023 19:46

Did they say why? It doesn't sound great does it.

Original poster
Justoverit25 · 22/09/2023 19:46

Thank you
I think I am going to write a strongly worded email
DD has her anxiety’s over it’s also obvious that others are struggling to.

OP posts:
Highlyflavouredgravy · 22/09/2023 19:46

If this genuine, then yanbu. You need to take this to the head/ governors/local authority.
If they are claiming they don't gave space for separate changing, then the children should come to school in their p.e kit.

HeliosPurple · 22/09/2023 19:47

And yes to PP. How can schools teach the PANTs rule then expect children to get changed in front of 30 other kids?

smallshinybutton · 22/09/2023 19:47

LittleObe · 22/09/2023 19:43

We did this when I was at school. Yes it felt odd at first but tbf nobody was ever weird about it. Theyre 10/11.

Plus, there's no time for them to all do it in the loos and there are no changing rooms, space for changing rooms or money to build any.

At the end of the day nudity in itself isn't sexual. It's just a body.

By 10/11 a lot of girls have started developing and why teach them pshe if you're not going to respect that

Original poster
Justoverit25 · 22/09/2023 19:47

It is genuine, I’m not sure why it wouldn’t be.

OP posts:
QuietDragon · 22/09/2023 19:48

I would just send my DD to school dressed in her PE kit. If the school has no changing facilities, then they shouldn't be asking the children to change.

At the end of the day nudity in itself isn't sexual. It's just a body.

That's not the point, the girls are saying they feel uncomfortable.

Proseccoismyfriend · 22/09/2023 19:50

My children's school ask them to come in the day of pe in their kits so there's no changing, no lost items and they get straight on with the lesson. Age 10 & 9

TaigaSno · 22/09/2023 19:50

We had to do this when I was at school, and I still now, 30 years later, remember how humiliating it felt to undress in public and in front of the boys. I started my periods at age 10. There is no way I would allow this for my daughter!

Studswagger · 22/09/2023 19:50

LittleObe · 22/09/2023 19:43

We did this when I was at school. Yes it felt odd at first but tbf nobody was ever weird about it. Theyre 10/11.

Plus, there's no time for them to all do it in the loos and there are no changing rooms, space for changing rooms or money to build any.

At the end of the day nudity in itself isn't sexual. It's just a body.

We used to do it that way- no reason to continue to do it that way.

there isn’t time for them to change elsewhere- let them come in pe kit/ make the pe session longer to give changing time /allow them to do pe in their normal uniform/ change the whole uniform to something pe appropriate/ make the pe session shorter and use the extra time for changing or basically anything which doesn’t require a room of children to take off their clothes in front of the teacher and each other.

73636sssss · 22/09/2023 19:50

Send her to school in her pe kit so she doesn’t have to get changed and tell the school why.
my sons school have the children come in in their kit

SpongeBob2022 · 22/09/2023 19:50

The only good thing to come out of covid is that on PE day they go in wearing their kits and this arrangement has stayed in place at DS's school.

DS is the same age. He's quite oblivious and I doubt he'd be bothered or notice anyone else but I can completely understand some girls (in particular) might feel uncomfortable.

If I were to take DS swimming he'd be required to go in his own sex's changing room from age 8.