AIBU we should be forcing children to change in front of everyone

[Justoverit25]

I know there will be people who think otherwise but it’s something that’s causing many issues recently at DDs school.
at a parent/ school meeting it was made clear that all girls and boys in year 5 and 6 will get changed for PE in one classroom and there will be no exceptions. In the same meeting they were explaining about PHSE and how important it is now because some of the children have started reaching puberty. ( they are year 5 )
my daughter is one of those where she is developing in areas which is fairly obvious.
she also has the addition of having tubes in those areas.
daughter came home and said that another girl in her class was very upset because she didn’t want to change for PE in front of the boys. This particular girl is a bit bigger than most of the class and her mum hasn’t been able to get her to attend school since.
I know we are preparing them for adult life but I honestly can’t think of any time as an adult I have been forced to get dressed in front of the opposite sex. What age do we start to deem this as unsuitable ?

How do you teach children that they have a right to privacy and not to have people expose themselves etc. You do know how many sexual assaults are happening in schools nowadays including in year 6 don't you? What about body confidence and eating disorders and how bullying can impact those?

I taught mainly Y5 and 6 in my teaching life. Never had them changing in the same room.

flashback Friday, I remember this topic was one of the first ones I ever posted on on MN, must have been at least 7/8 years ago now. Sticks in my mind because of the strength in which some posters (teachers or TAs) insisted there was literally no alternative other than children changing in the same room, despite lots of posters making very practical and feasible suggestions.

Of course it's unreasonable. Presumably none of the staff would change themselves in front of the opposite sex, so shouldn't bully kids into doing so.
Even when I was in school in the 90s the girls were allowed to change in the toilets in year 5/6 if we preferred.

There are so many easy ways around it. Lots have been mentioned by pps. Another is scheduling YR 5/6 to have PE at the same time/immediately after each other so Yr 5&6 girls change in the YR5 classroom, Yr5&6 boys in the Yr6 classroom. Either girls do PE together while boys do work, and then vice versa, or they do it by year group, then change back (or go home if its at the end of the day).

They may say they don't have the staff to cover 2 areas

Right well the Head or Deputy (if not a FT teaching deputy, as in a bigger school) will have to come and supervise them in sex-based groups. Or more children will have to do PE at the same time on the timetable so that there are enough staff to break into larger sex-based groups to change; boys in the hall for example. Or they will have to go down the PE kit all day route although I think there are some issues with that too. Either/or. Safeguarding safeguarding safeguarding. And basic dignity.

There's a kid in my son's class whose mum is now trans-identifying. The boy has now said he is also trans-identifying. He is able to change in whatever room he desires, however all the other kids, including girls on their periods, must change where the teachers tell them to - no choice.

If I were those girls' mums i would raise merry hell.

It would seriously raise a red flag for me.
I'd report it to social services, local authorities etc.
Absolutely disgusting

What about girls of 9 who are wearing pads is it okay for them to be forced to display all to the world? Or the girl who is starting to develop and the parent hasn't yet brought them appropriate underwear so they are bare under their shirt?

I was at primary in the late 80’s early nineties.. infants we did PE in vest and pants, and then changed in the classroom right through juniors.. I still remember how uncomfortable I felt and the manoeuvring we did to stay covered up. I would have hoped things had changed by now and I would definitely be challenging school on this.

I really don’t think it’s appropriate for boys and girls to be changing in the same room at their age. Especially since the children have already voiced concerns about it.
This was the case when I was in my last year of primary school. I’d just moved to the school so was quite shy anyway. When it was time for PE and I realised boys and girls were getting changed in the same room I asked, begged my teacher to let me get changed in the toilets. I’d started my periods and was developed to the point I needed a bra. She refused and to this day I cannot understand why. I still remember the humiliation I felt, the eyes watching me undress. The humiliation turned to shame when the boys began teasing me about my breasts, shouting at me to show them / tell them my bra size on a regular basis. It really affected my confidence and how I felt about my body for years.

We used to change in the classroom for PE when I was a kid and they do at kids primary school now too I think. There’s no changing rooms so I’m not sure what else theyd do. They are supervised by tje teacher. So far no drama here but I do think it’s odd nowadays and OP YANBU. If anyone is uncomfortable they should be allowed to change in the toilets or another room.

Our school is still going in for the day in PE kit, saves all this! Maybe ask the headteacher to do that for the kids, it's a small bit of dignity for them all no matter how old they are

Errrm last time I worked in a school year 5 and 6 and possibly even yr 4 were getting changed separately.

TBH it’s a bit weird and unnecessary that they get changed at all in primary, it’s not like they get v sweaty, besides PE kit stays in school for 1/2 a term.

@IcedBananas there a a lot of things they can do rather than make the kids strip in front of each other.

@Leovaldie why should 9/10 year olds have to be in their underwear around each other? Aren’t they entitled to some privacy?

But what about dignity and privacy?

are you a nudist? Do you think your lifestyle should be universally enforced?

We used to do pe with another class so all the boys got changed in one classroom all the girls in the other classroom

But my area was also three tier so when I was nine (i think) we went to middle school and they had changing rooms for some reason modern schools are not built with these until high school which is too late in my opinion

this was in 1992 but by age 11 and y6 i was 5ft11 with a DD chest
i hit 6ft by the time i started y7 at 11 and 3/4

i developed very early and was a very tall child from new-born
as i was born 26 inches
i was even taller than the male teachers

my very first bra was at 8 and it was a C cup and i went up an up from there.(my biggest was a N)

we had separate gym rooms but if this was today there was no way this would be acceptable and my mother would have gone mental if i was expected to do that
i was already 11 and could pass for 18

my niece just started y6 and is 5ft 2 with a D cup bust already and started her periods in july and hair is very thick down there already
her best friend is 4 months older and is still the size of a 6 y old

my niece let alone he mother wouldnt tolerate being made to change in front of males even if they are classed as "little boys"

teachers shouldn't par all 10-11 y olds as the same and still think they have children's bodies

It's a while since I was at primary school but even then from Y5 at least the girls changed in the classroom and the boys changed in the peg area outside the classroom. There must be a way.

This reminds me of taking my ten year old niece to her swimming lesson at the local boarding school. It has old fashioned boys and girls changing room. Three dads came into the girls changing room to help their daughters. My niece was taking ages to get changed so I nipped in the check. She understandably refused to take her swim suit off infront of h to tee grown men and was sitting shivering. The men were asked to leave by the instructor but didn’t go gracefully!!

kids need privacy. We need to respect that.

At DS primary school now they come in in their PE kit and wear it all day, with school jumper on top if needed. PE is not THAT intense that this is ridiculous. I think they started post-covid and just found it works.

in my school the girls were trusted to use the loos as some of us were starting our periods and were developing

for everyone who thinks they are innocent at that age and not looking at each other, do you not remember being that age ??
some of the things I remember from year 6
kiss chase, fake marriages, boys snapping girls bra straps, boys trying to lift up girls skirts
or maybe that was just my school?

I am shocked they are forcing them to change together its sick

@Justoverit25 I was an incredibly shy child, wouldn’t put my hand up to answer a question at school, and would hide under a table at home if a stranger came into the house. I was also brought up in a very very strict home, where I was regularly punished, for the simplest thing (for example I once dropped an egg and my mother slapped me hard across the face and sent me to bed without anything to eat).

I can remember everyone having to change for PE in the same classroom at school. Once one of the boys came over to me and told me to look down, I did and saw he had his hands in his pants and was massaging his willy. I was actually traumatised and couldn’t tell anyone, because I knew that if I said anything to a teacher they would tell my parents and I would be thrashed (and I do mean thrashed as I would actually be beaten with my fathers belt or a stick until I was red raw) because my father would say I had encouraged the boy, so I was to blame. I just felt so ashamed of myself and had to try and deal with things myself, like making sure I had others around me when changing or sneaking into my shorts and T-shirt at break time.

Even writing about this has brought these memories back and had me in tears. Please stick up for your child and don’t let the school get away with forcing the children into joint changing areas.

The rule is 8 years old I’m most swimming pools - same should apply at schools.

Thank goodness our school is sensible, kids go in in PE kit on relevant days. No changing required.

Our school have stuck with PE kit all day and it saves so much time and hassle!

I wouldn’t be happy asking girls and boys to change in the same room. I’m currently teaching year 6 and we have quite a high proportion who have already started their periods - it would be completely inappropriate for them to have to change clothes in front of boys and sending them to the bathroom to change would just single them out.

I remember my surprise when my eldest DD (21 now) did PE in vest and knickers until year 4 and then got changed in the classroom as a class right to the end of year 6. I’m foreign and always thought it was an English thing since no one ever questioned it!

I went to primary school in the late 70's, and we had separate boys and girls changing rooms /cloakrooms.