AIBU we should be forcing children to change in front of everyone

[Justoverit25]

I know there will be people who think otherwise but it’s something that’s causing many issues recently at DDs school.
at a parent/ school meeting it was made clear that all girls and boys in year 5 and 6 will get changed for PE in one classroom and there will be no exceptions. In the same meeting they were explaining about PHSE and how important it is now because some of the children have started reaching puberty. ( they are year 5 )
my daughter is one of those where she is developing in areas which is fairly obvious.
she also has the addition of having tubes in those areas.
daughter came home and said that another girl in her class was very upset because she didn’t want to change for PE in front of the boys. This particular girl is a bit bigger than most of the class and her mum hasn’t been able to get her to attend school since.
I know we are preparing them for adult life but I honestly can’t think of any time as an adult I have been forced to get dressed in front of the opposite sex. What age do we start to deem this as unsuitable ?

My daughter is in year 3 now and still getting changed in the classroom in front of everyone, she said you are allowed to use the toilets if you want to. I honestly thought in the juniors they would stop doing this. I will be pissed if its still happening in year 5 and 6!!

I completely agree OP

I would not accept this, I would say I will withdraw permission for my daughter to participate in PE, ask how they would deal with boys mocking a girl seeing her sanitary pad, and say you will liase with all the other mothers of the girls and you will demand this is changed or the girls parents en masse will forbid their daughters from participating.

Seriously this is SO WRONG, it violates the human rights of the child for dignity and privacy. I am SO worked up reading you post. I BEG you to throw the mother of all tantrums, get in contact with the parents of the rest of the girls in the class and ensure you all stand together on this. DON'T FUCKING TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER, and blast that abusive arsehole who made that decision, even tell them you'll go to the head AND THE MEDIA! Please I urge you to don't back down.

Our kids go to school in their PE kit, have done since the pandemic, makes a lot more sense. I presume it's a combined class? I've seen all the boys from one class swapping with the girls from another and changing, I've seen one sex sent to the loos to change, any of these are better solutions.

This.
girls expected to sit cross legged and climb and play but also told to sit nicely whilst the boy next to them can run and jump and play.
friends kid started school and she’s only ever worn trousers to run and play and now she looks uncomfortable and wondering why she can’t hang upside down now

I would also keep my daughter off on PE days until this is resolved, and I would make sure the head/the class teacher knows why.

Thankfully we never changed for PE, just wore our PE uniform to school once a week on the day we had PE (I wonder if that's an option), we never changed. I'm not from the UK.

PLEASE keep us updated, OP, this has me so livid, I'm trying to calm down.

God I thought this would have improved.

My mother had to tell my class teacher that me changing in front of everyone wasn't appropriate, at 8 i had obvious boobs (and back then, training bras were not a thing for such an age group)...

We were changing as a combined 2 year class due to small class sizes (mine at that point being just 5 kids including me)... so 25 kids and the school thought that instead of splitting boys and girls... they would just banish ME to the loos the other side of the building, singling me out as DIFFERENT.

Yep, that made things SO much better... not.

So you and your friends were uncomfortable at first but ended up ok with this. That is grooming, persuading someone to do things they are uncomfortable with.
Body autonomy is what needs to be taught, not get over it you are only a kid.
My Dd hit puberty at 10 all the girls changed together and anyone uncomfortable could use the loos, there were a few who went off to the loos. Boys changed elsewhere.

I feel very strongly about this. On MN I have been called horrible names because I complained to my DD7's swim school about parents taking school aged boys (older siblings too, some 10 or 11) into to the open female change room.

I feel girls should learn from an early age to speak up & demand their right to privacy and not just keep put up with it quietly - as we've been raised to do for generations. My DD has learnt now to speak up - and did so when yet another male was in our female change room.

So definitely refuse. In this case I'd lead a full boycott of PE until they got the message it won't be tolerated. It's utterly ridiculous!

DD is at a school with single sex changing rooms & she’s fine with those but takes care to cover herself (particularly after swimming) I can’t even imagine how self-conscious she would be if she had to do this in front of her male peers.

They should come into school in PE kit if there aren’t suitable changing facilities.

I can't believe schools are still doing this as they did when I was a primary aged kid 50 plus years ago. I remember how embarrassed one of my friends used to be as she developed earlier than most of us. Another reason why most girls learn to hate PE.

I agree. It's not something I feel strongly about with young children but so many year 5's are in period pants and have boobs. Indeed some parents are ignoring the fact their child needs a bra and they have to be told. It's not ok. They are entitled to privacy. I didn't give it much thought until I was on the inside and now I think separate changing is a right for both genders. I went to an all girls school so not an issue so it didn't really strike me until both my children were in mixed schools.

I thought it was the norm now that Yr5 up change seperately. Yr5 girls are developing and may have periods.
My DD wasn't but her mates were

I wouldn't be happy with this. Mine also go to school in PE kit but they also do a pre school sports club and the boys and girls are separated to change after (there are spare classrooms at this time as school hasnt started yet).

DS and cousins all have to wear PE kit to school on PE days. Makes it easier for school.

This is massive safeguarding red-flag. Not only is it neglecting the kids' mental and emotional health, it's also putting them at risk of humiliation and child-on-child sexual harassment.

See screenshot for how it's described in the Department for Education's 'Keeping Children Safe In Education' (or KCSIE, the bible of safeguarding in Education, every member of staff and governor at school should be familiar with it).

When you write to school, state explicitly that you're raising a safeguarding concern (quote from KCSIE), and request it's investigated by the Designated Safeguarding Lead (usually the head teacher), as per the school's safeguarding policy. This will make them take notice rather than fob you off, they'll have a duty to investigate. Also say that your child will not be changing at school with immediate effect, and ask if school would prefer her to go to school in PE kit or be withdrawn from PE (make it their choice). If you're not satisfied with the response to their investigation, escalate to the Chair of Governors.

If you can get a few parents to raise similar concerns, as a co-ordinated effort, even better.

This kind of thing makes me so mad. Apart from the whole safeguarding issue, why on earth do they want to waste precious school time for kids to get changed then changed back? It's just so stupid!

What sort of meeting was it? Did it allow for questions? I am really surprised this has been allowed. I can't think of a school that continues shared PE changing beyond year 4.

No way, I’d be telling them I’m reporting to ofsted and see what they think.

our school also has us send them in PE kit on gym day, much more efficient!

Me too, read it several times but still none the wiser!

This is completely unacceptable. My son has been changing separately to the girls since Y3. And for those saying that kids always used to change together, I remember being separate from the boys back in 1984 when I was in Y5, so don’t talk such rubbish!
OP, I’d be speaking to the school asap. If you don’t get anywhere, take it to the governors. Here’s a link to some NSPCC guidelines on what is and isn’t acceptable: https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/2754/safeguarding-considerations-for-changing-rooms.pdf

I worked in a primary school last year and they all wore their pe kits all day and came to school in them. When my son was in primary 5 years ago, they had separate changing rooms. I think it is unreasonable to expect them to change in front of each other, particularly in years 5/6.

My kids come into school in their PE kits too.

I would have been mortified at that age. Still remember the male teacher who would insist on coming in to watch us change when I was Y5 age and tell us off if we tried to cover ourselves up.

I'm a really chilled out parent and have never complained to the school about anything but I honestly think that's awful.