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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU we should be forcing children to change in front of everyone

149 replies

Justoverit25 · 22/09/2023 19:39

I know there will be people who think otherwise but it’s something that’s causing many issues recently at DDs school.
at a parent/ school meeting it was made clear that all girls and boys in year 5 and 6 will get changed for PE in one classroom and there will be no exceptions. In the same meeting they were explaining about PHSE and how important it is now because some of the children have started reaching puberty. ( they are year 5 )
my daughter is one of those where she is developing in areas which is fairly obvious.
she also has the addition of having tubes in those areas.
daughter came home and said that another girl in her class was very upset because she didn’t want to change for PE in front of the boys. This particular girl is a bit bigger than most of the class and her mum hasn’t been able to get her to attend school since.
I know we are preparing them for adult life but I honestly can’t think of any time as an adult I have been forced to get dressed in front of the opposite sex. What age do we start to deem this as unsuitable ?

OP posts:
PurpleBugz · 22/09/2023 19:50

Not ok. I would not stand for it.

When I was at school the girls changed in the classroom the poor boys in the cloakroom

GameOverBoys · 22/09/2023 19:51

Why do we insist that small children wear clothes that aren’t suitable for running and jumping? If their uniform was just leggings, joggers and polos they wouldn’t need to change.
Failing that they should be allowed to wear their PE kit to school on PE days.

Ineedasitdown · 22/09/2023 19:51

As a mother of boys I’ll guarantee some of the boys are also uncomfortable over it. Some will be embarrassed about changing in front of girls, some embarrassed the girls are undressed around them and sadly one or two will be downright inappropriate and shouldn’t be around girls getting undressed . I can’t see who wins here apart from a teacher thinking their job is easier as everyone is in one place.

WhoWants2Know · 22/09/2023 19:52

My oldest had her period just after she turned 9, and had early breast growth as well. I don't think changing with boys would have been appropriate.

CityLight · 22/09/2023 19:53

edwinbear · 22/09/2023 19:43

I’d kick off merry hell about this. And I’d be withdrawing DD from PE until it was sorted.

Sounds like the child has withdrawn themselves from all school education at the moment which is really sad. Body image issues are a bit barrier to PE for so many young people, even younger than year 5/6. Schools need to get on board with this and find a better solution - they solve harder problems than this!

Original poster
Justoverit25 · 22/09/2023 19:53

I do think it has been a shock for them because during covid they wore PE kit in to school
so most of year 2 and 3.
then if continued for year 4 til maybe near half way through.

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 22/09/2023 19:54

PurpleBugz · 22/09/2023 19:50

Not ok. I would not stand for it.

When I was at school the girls changed in the classroom the poor boys in the cloakroom

Yep that's what the arrangement was at my school as well.

My DD now goes to school in her PE kit but she's in reception and weirdly it's only reception children who are allowed to do this. I assume it's because they are maybe less able to get themselves changed independently but I'm not sure why older years can't as well, just for convenience.

Bobbybobbins · 22/09/2023 19:55

They should wear kit in on the day they do PE. Failing that, communal changing for infants only.

Ylvamoon · 22/09/2023 19:55

My DD'S primary did this until I quite firmly intervened half way through y5.
The girls ended up getting charged in a store room.

If your DD'S are self conscious and starting to develop/ puberty then they should not have to change in front of boys. The school has a duty of care and this needs to be taken serious.

Studswagger · 22/09/2023 19:56

@Ineedasitdown my son would hate this for himself (ie feel embarrassed) and also be totally confused about all the rules about changing/bodies/privacy/consent etc suddenly not applying.

He and his best friends have been friends since babyhood and have bathed together, been naked in the paddling pool etc (mix of girls and boys)- now they are 9 ish they absolutely aren’t comfortable with this anymore. When they have sleepovers they choose to go into separate rooms to change.

APurpleSquirrel · 22/09/2023 19:56

My DCs school have communal changing for YrR, 1 & 2 (mixed class); & for Yr3-6 they wear their PE kit on both days they do PE.

LakeTiticaca · 22/09/2023 20:29

At primary and secondary schools ( late 60s/70s) we had separate PE lessons.
No way would us girls have got changed in front of the boys!!

MrsMiddleMother · 22/09/2023 20:40

Yanbu and like another poster said, I'd complain and also stop daughter from doing p.e until it's rectified.
I was 9 when I started my periods etc and would have been mortified to get dressed in front of boys. We have two separate classrooms, one for each sex to get changed in.

colouroftherainbow · 22/09/2023 20:43

I was in primary school in the 90s (my infant days were the times they made us do PE in our underwear if we forgot our kit) and by Y5, they separated girls and boys when changing for PE

I would expect it to be common practice everywhere for junior school

BalletBob · 22/09/2023 20:43

No way would I allow this. I’d be sending DC to school in PE kit and writing to the head and governors.

I have always taught my children that their bodies belong to them and that they have autonomy. That they do not have to do anything with their bodies that makes them feel uncomfortable and that it’s important to listen to that feeling in their gut; if something doesn’t feel right, they can say no. I teach them that the parts of their bodies that are covered by underwear are private and whilst we’re a liberal household where it’s fine to be naked if you like, that’s not appropriate in front of other people except medical professionals when mum or dad are also present. How the hell could that possibly be squared with being forced to change in front of 25+ other kids “no exceptions”?

colouroftherainbow · 22/09/2023 20:44

I agree with other posters who would send children in PE kit or withdraw them from PE until this is rectified. Absolutely not appropriate and cannot be justified by the school

ForeverYellow · 22/09/2023 20:49

My Ds’ primary school changed the uniform this year so that all children can wear plain black joggers and trainers instead of traditional trousers / skirts every day . PE kit is optional and they are allowed to do PE in their uniform. As a child this would have saved me so much anxiety and stress . The school has just been graded outstanding by OFSTED , so this is obviously not seen as a bad thing . Ds is so much more comfortable in lessons and playtime too .

Shadypaws23 · 22/09/2023 20:50

I had my period by 9, absolutely no way would I have got changed in front of anyone
I didn't even like getting changed in front of my parents by then

Workawayxx · 22/09/2023 20:52

This is not ok in year 5/6. At my DS’s primary they stopped mixed sex changing at year 3 I think. Swimming possibly earlier as they had 2 changing rooms so easy to separate.

Oysterbabe · 22/09/2023 20:54

Yanbu.

There's trouble brewing on this topic at our school. Year 4 onwards they separate boys and girls to change. There's a kid who became a girl from year 1 and I fully expect the school to put him with the girls to change. Nope, not on.

PuttingDownRoots · 22/09/2023 20:54

They need separate girls and boys changing.

Even in the 90s we had this!

Abergale · 22/09/2023 20:55

I thought y5&6 it was against school guidance to change together? Send her in her kit with a note.

meltingmyhead · 22/09/2023 20:59

Studswagger · 22/09/2023 19:46

It’s bloody ridiculous. When exactly are adults expected to take their clothes off in front of a crowd of people and chastised if they don’t?!

How are they supposed to learn that their body is theirs, no means no, pants rules and not to pressure or be pressured into doing things they don’t want to do with their intimate body parts and also be forced to strip in front of a room full of people and presumably the teacher and ta?

Absolutely this!!

LittleOwl153 · 22/09/2023 21:04

My dd (who was beyond primary for covid) had PE organised so that yr 5 and yr6 followed each other. They switched classes so that all the girls changed in yr5 and all the boys in yr6, one group did pe, then the other, then they switched again to get changed back.

When I was at school in the 80s girls changed in the toilets as soon as they wanted to.