Friend has said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took the job

[lnterviewWoes]

I’ve been offered a really fascinating job that would involve a lot of travel and meeting lots of interesting people.

It involves working for a former politician. Not directly but closely. I don’t support most of their views but the role is independent of their politics.

I have a small group of close friends. I told one friend and she’s said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took it, which has really dampened things. It also comes with a 20% wage increase. I want to take the role but I don’t want to lose one of my oldest friends. I’m really not sure what to do.

If any of my friends thought they could have an opinion on who I work for or what i do then they would simply no longer be a friend! I think Tony Blair is a war monger who should be locked up but if one of my friends worked for him earning good money I wouldn't be pleased for them!

• would be pleased for them

It's irrelevant who the person is. That's not the point. And half the responses here are as poor as your friend's response. If it's Nigel... etc. Friendships are unconditional and this 'friend' is manipulating you.

Imagine this, you turn down this amazing opportunity. You're hurt and resentful towards your friend. Relationship sours. No friend. No amazing job. Your job is only your choice.

So, CONGRATULATIONS! It sounds amazing and I hope you love evey minute x

There are some people that l would definitely struggle with if a friend went to work for them ….( Boris , Tommy Robinson, Farage …as has been mentioned ) l wouldn’t make any ultimations but l would probably fade out on the friendship 😢

Since bloody when have friendships been unconditional? Marriages aren't even unconditional. People go no contact on their bloody mothers all the time on here. Of course friendships are conditional. All relationships are conditional. Stupid thing to say.

Agree.

I think you need to revisit it with your friend - try to find some middle ground. Has this politician expressed views that are repellent? Behaved unethically? Are there things you could do to mitigate the effect on your friendship (donate some of your payrise or time to a campaign group, offer to challenge or persuade the politician to a different view..?

Someone mentioned Farage and that is exactly why it’s hard to tell if the friend is being unreasonable or simply trying to stop the OP from betraying their moral compass.

My friendships are not conditional! We may disagree on things but i am adult enough to realise that everyone has different views on things and if I enjoy a persons company then things like political views are irrelevant!

Why should OP have to do any of those things though? Her friend should stop acting like a spoilt child.

@iamwhatiam23 "I enjoy a persons company then things like political views are irrelevant!"

How far does that go?

People are allowed boundaries, ethical standards, morals.

If this job is morally unacceptable for your friend, then the friendship isn't going to work.

It's not fun but it's not controlling either. It's just a part of life.

I guess this is feasible if you have no strong moral convictions of your own.

Of course your friendships are conditional. Perhaps you have low standards and would tolerate an awful lot, but no relationship is unconditional.

Politics is only "irrelevant" if you think it starts and ends with whether you vote red or blue.

How bad are we talking here for the politician?

Where on the bad spectrum are we talking?

Kill all Jews - and pass the butter for a scone?

I jest, but surely we all have a line that someone would no longer be a friend if they crossed it?

Wow, I’d never say that to a friend.

Not sure they’re a friend really, do what you want to do and if they choose to distance themselves then so be it.

Its simply never come up in conversation tbh. I have a relative who's political views are the absolute polar opposite to mine but we still get along great because we are both adult enough to realise that we can't control what others think nor do we have the right to do so!

@iamwhatiam23 can you hypothetically imagine if a friend told you she was going to work for a person/organisation that was anathema to you?

Yes i can. It's totally up to them what they do for a living. It doesn't define them as a person! I also don't believe a friend has the right to dictate something like this to another friend. Personally I wouldn't find it far more offensive if a friend tried to tell me who i could and couldn't be employed by than a friend who worked for a person/organisation I don't agree with

Your friend sounds like an awful prig!

Take the job - and if she doesn't like it, she can lump it. How pompous!

I can't bear people who are so narrow minded as to demand their friends have exactly the same views as them. I have friends with varying political views, who eat meat with great enthusiasm (I'm a vegetarian) and are petrol-heads (I'm a lentil-weaving environmentalist). I like them despite our differing views because they're basically good people.

What's funny about this thread is that the usual Mumsnet line is "Your friend asked for a lift/didn't invite you to coffee with a group/didn't send you a birthday card? She's not your friend, drop her." Whereas here it's "Your friend gets a job working for Tommy Robinson? None of your business-it doesn't say anything about the sort of person she is!"

They're not telling you that you can't, they're saying it's a step too far for them. You're still free to take the job and lose the friend

‘A step too far’?
Madness!
As a friend we don’t get to call the shots on big life decisions, or any decision.

You seem to have fundamentally misunderstood what friendship is supposed to be, and more specifically it’s limits.

Exactly. It's funny/sad.