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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took the job

513 replies

lnterviewWoes · 21/09/2023 16:30

I’ve been offered a really fascinating job that would involve a lot of travel and meeting lots of interesting people.

It involves working for a former politician. Not directly but closely. I don’t support most of their views but the role is independent of their politics.

I have a small group of close friends. I told one friend and she’s said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took it, which has really dampened things. It also comes with a 20% wage increase. I want to take the role but I don’t want to lose one of my oldest friends. I’m really not sure what to do.

OP posts:
onedogatoddlerandababy · 22/09/2023 19:27

Ah, I wouldn’t be working for Tony Blair either @CurlewKate

Jayne35 · 22/09/2023 19:27

I would never give this ultimatum to a close friend, I have only a couple of close friends anyway and we are all very different, I accept that people have different views. Even if I chose not to take the position, I would not really want to bother with that friend anymore.

Mothership4two · 22/09/2023 19:28

lnterviewWoes · 21/09/2023 16:44

Thanks everyone for your support. I think I’m going to take the role, not least because I need the extra money but this has just really upset me.

Good for you. She is being ridiculous. Sorry you are upset, but, really, do you think she would follow through anyway? Possibly jealousy maybe?

CurlewKate · 22/09/2023 19:50

@onedogatoddlerandababy But presumably that you wouldn't be so disturbed by a friend working for him that you would question her moral compass?

Bubbles90 · 22/09/2023 19:57

She doesn't pay your bills. I'd take the job. A good friend would support you.

LalaPaloosa · 22/09/2023 20:10

Some friend!

MrsFButton · 22/09/2023 20:11

Your friend doesn't understand the value of your friendship. She's behaving like a plum and will probably realise that when you take the job

Toomuchtrouble4me · 22/09/2023 20:14

My best friend snd I are poles apart in many of our political views - we just avoid certain topics or laugh at each other. She’s being a prat and is not a real friend.

Reigateforever · 22/09/2023 20:21

I have 45 year old friends even though they voted wrongly we are still friends, it’s just a taboo subject and not discussed.

MaggieBsBoat · 22/09/2023 20:30

Is it Kim Jong Un/Vladimir Putin/Viktor Orban/insert Tim pot dictator name?

No? Then just dump the friend and take the Gig. Even if it were one of the above tbh a friendship should withstand that

Grammarnut · 22/09/2023 20:44

Take the job if you would enjoy it. A friend who says they cannot be your friend if you take a job which you want is not your friend.

derxa · 22/09/2023 20:48

Imagine if it was Owen Jones...

NoMor · 22/09/2023 20:49

BMW6 · 21/09/2023 22:15

No, me too. No-one seems to have the emotional and intellectual resonance to be able to vehemently disagree with someone without resorting to tears, vapours, fisticuffs or screaming habdabs.

So ends civilization.

Show quote history

I disagree with you both in that I HATE that when you are passionate about inequality and unfairness (woke) that you are seen as 'wailing like a a banshee' or, especially if you're a woman, as being overly emotional as if that's a bad thing! People get upset about things because they CARE. Debating with passion about what you care about is a good thing. Why are people praising apathy?

Henrietta70 · 22/09/2023 20:50

That isn’t fair. I have friends and we have differing political opinions.
Take the job.

Potiphar · 22/09/2023 21:32

I wouldn’t give a shit if you were working for Boris, or Farage, or Rees Mogg, or even Trump.

Blair is different. He’s a war criminal. He has, as others have pointed out, the blood of millions on his hands. And he’s still throwing his weight about despite not being an elected official anymore.

So if it is Blair we are taking about (and I think it probably is) then I’m with your friend. I’d stop being mates with you too. This isn’t to do with party politics, it’s allaying yourself with a war criminal.

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 21:38

swimminglessonadvice · 21/09/2023 17:30

There used to be a time when we all loved Russell Brand. What I’m trying to say is no one knows who anyone is, this politician might actually be ok! Take the job: the friend can do one.

There was never a time when everyone loved Russell Brand?

He has always been very marmite.

Thefsm · 22/09/2023 21:41

Take it if you want it. But I don’t think she should have to be friends with people that she feels goes against her personal moral/ethical code. If a friend of mine went to work for trump I would drop them like a shot because how could any decent person work for him? Knowing his views and racism, stealing from charities, mocking disabilities etc? I wouldn’t care if my own child was offered a billion to work for that family, I couldn’t be around them anymore.

ThreeLocusts · 22/09/2023 23:15

Boris Johnson?

I'd squirm if a friend of mine went to work for him or any of the equivalent scumbags, but I'd also be curious. And anyway, an ultimatum like that is just not on.

Sorry for this stupid choice you are facing. Maybe she comes round- but I'd trust her less after the threat.

Buffs · 23/09/2023 01:18

That’s ridiculous. Good riddance.

alibongo5 · 23/09/2023 01:23

Wakeywake · 21/09/2023 16:48

At first sight, your friend seems unreasonable, but really I think I'd struggle to be friends with someone who willingly works for someone despicable.

This is exactly what I think too.

Mothership4two · 23/09/2023 01:46

I think I would find it interesting if someone worked for someone I didn't like/trust to get an insight into what they were like 'behind the scenes'. I would struggle if someone did something I strongly disagree with eg organising hunting trips or arranging pheasant shoots

ChallengeAnneka · 23/09/2023 02:09

Your friend is being unfair and controlling. Even if I felt repulsed by the thought of a friend working for them, it wouldn’t be my place to give an ultimatum. I might ask if they were sure? And I might ask if it was a step towards working for a nicer boss.

RantyAnty · 23/09/2023 05:41

Bye Felicia!

Sayitaintso33 · 23/09/2023 06:10

If it is someone working to make abortion illegal or to permit transwomen greater access to female spaces I imagine many of us couldn't be your friend.

Bignanny30 · 23/09/2023 06:58

slightly different point of view from most posters 😱 But I can understand your friend’s point of view, if this politician has very strong views that are opposed to strong views that your friend has, then I can understand where she’s coming from. I’d be sad to lose a friend in these circumstances, but if I felt that something that a friend was doing was morally wrong then I too would step back from the friendship. I have done similar in the past. However; from your point of view, if it’s what you want then I’d go for it. I don’t suppose she wants to lose your friendship anymore than you want to lose hers, but you have to do what’s right for you.