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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took the job

513 replies

lnterviewWoes · 21/09/2023 16:30

I’ve been offered a really fascinating job that would involve a lot of travel and meeting lots of interesting people.

It involves working for a former politician. Not directly but closely. I don’t support most of their views but the role is independent of their politics.

I have a small group of close friends. I told one friend and she’s said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took it, which has really dampened things. It also comes with a 20% wage increase. I want to take the role but I don’t want to lose one of my oldest friends. I’m really not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Crumpleton · 21/09/2023 20:44

Sometimes friends don't always share the same opinions, they don't have to, they agree to disagree and say no more and as long as what the job involves is lawful a true friend would support you.

AncientSpinningWheel · 21/09/2023 20:49

Does she also unfriend people that work for Apple, Samsung, Shein, Primark, and the hundreds of other big corporations that use child workers or slave labour? Does she work for an independent, grass roots, local company with no carbon footprint and all ethical policies and practices? Then she can fuck off.

Happyhappy10 · 21/09/2023 21:09

Tony should be in prison. Zero integrity. I'd also be concerned how it would look on your CV going for your next job...

Dymaxion · 21/09/2023 21:09

Sidelining people whom we disagree with just breeds extremism.

The Guardian are running a weekly thing in their Saturday magazine where two people of opposing views sit down and have a meal together, its really interesting how you can put two people in a neutral social situation and they can listen and take on board each other views without the need for namecalling or ranting maybe they wait until they are home on the interent .

coolkatt · 21/09/2023 21:19

take the job it doesn't matter who the political is your still able to vote for who u want when the time comes. a job is just that. a job. ur friend is not a friend
but i do agree if it is someeone who spouts hate and your pal is a woman of colour then i see what she can be upset but still should know u enough to know it's not your opinion.
Take the job and congratulations

PurpleFlower1983 · 21/09/2023 21:22

Unless it’s Farage your friend is being a dick.

tolerable · 21/09/2023 21:23

good luck in your new job!
(boot on other foot-would you pull shots like that?-even if "friend"offered you 30% -them got no business treat ya like shite

CurlewKate · 21/09/2023 21:44

@anomaly2 "It is upsetting to find out that your 'friend' is a prat"

You can't say that without knowing who the OP is working for.

Aavalon57 · 21/09/2023 21:56

That's why people never talk about how much they earn or who they vote for! The answer here isn't black and white but shades of grey. I think you're naive to say the former politician's politics won't inform their work. I can understand, to a degree, why your friend is saying what she's saying. Has she explained why? However, the fact that she hasn't even bothered to vote weakens her stance. A lot of people are saying if it's Tony Blair they wouldn't but he is highly regarded and I can imagine it would be a good move. Without knowing her reasons, eg bedroom tax, Covid policies or Iraq war, it's hard to say. Obviously you can't let your friend determine your future but have you both given your reasons?

Passepartoute · 21/09/2023 22:07

This reply has been deleted

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YukoandHiro · 21/09/2023 22:10

AncientSpinningWheel · 21/09/2023 20:49

Does she also unfriend people that work for Apple, Samsung, Shein, Primark, and the hundreds of other big corporations that use child workers or slave labour? Does she work for an independent, grass roots, local company with no carbon footprint and all ethical policies and practices? Then she can fuck off.

Incredibly good point OP. I would put this to your friend.

BMW6 · 21/09/2023 22:15

LakeTiticaca · 21/09/2023 19:36

Is it just me or does anyone else yearn for the days when you could have a friendly debate with others about anything at all, without someone shrieking like a banshee if you say something or vote for someone, or read a newspaper they disapprove of?
Oh happy days 😉

No, me too. No-one seems to have the emotional and intellectual resonance to be able to vehemently disagree with someone without resorting to tears, vapours, fisticuffs or screaming habdabs.

So ends civilization.

Scottishskifun · 21/09/2023 22:15

I don't think friends should dictate jobs so as long as its an opportunity and position that you want to do then go for it!

My only tip would be not to discuss it with others unless very good friends who won't judge. Either create another job or play down and say admin, assistant office worker etc. I speak from experience from being in an unpopular industry I used to get lectured at for over an hour (worst was 2.5hrs) at parties by DHs friends or meeting friends of friends in a bar if I was honest. I soon learnt to say something a lot more boring which was still relevant but that people didn't want to ask questions about!

MsRosley · 21/09/2023 22:15

Your 'friend' is jealous.

MsRosley · 21/09/2023 22:17

This reply has been deleted

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What exactly did Marchmount say that suggests she is right wing, let alone a nutter?

BMW6 · 21/09/2023 22:20

MsRosley · 21/09/2023 22:17

What exactly did Marchmount say that suggests she is right wing, let alone a nutter?

Show quote history

There wasn't anything. Just another tediously unintelligent screamer.

Soooooo boring.

Diamondsareforeverandever · 21/09/2023 22:32

Did she explain why or just that she couldn't be your friend.

If she's said that with no explanation she's not a friend anyway.

threecupsofteaminimum · 21/09/2023 23:21

I could understand if it's that cunt Boris Johnson tbf.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 22/09/2023 05:28

swimminglessonadvice · 21/09/2023 17:30

There used to be a time when we all loved Russell Brand. What I’m trying to say is no one knows who anyone is, this politician might actually be ok! Take the job: the friend can do one.

No there didn't.

Lastchancechica · 22/09/2023 05:36

threecupsofteaminimum · 21/09/2023 23:21

I could understand if it's that cunt Boris Johnson tbf.

Classy friend you are 😂

Allaboard209 · 22/09/2023 06:00

If this is all it takes to cancel friendship with you, then she was never a true friend in the first place, she is jealous and pathetic. Don't ruin your life plan for someone's whim.

Heybearu · 22/09/2023 06:44

Is it nigel Farage tho? Because then she has a point.

Lobelia123 · 22/09/2023 07:29

Is she paying your bills? Then she can shut her mouth and wind her neck in. Absolutely nothing to do with her,

willWillSmithsmith · 22/09/2023 08:18

LakeTiticaca · 21/09/2023 19:36

Is it just me or does anyone else yearn for the days when you could have a friendly debate with others about anything at all, without someone shrieking like a banshee if you say something or vote for someone, or read a newspaper they disapprove of?
Oh happy days 😉

You’re definitely not the only one.👍

Giard · 22/09/2023 08:23

Is it just me or does anyone else yearn for the days when you could have a friendly debate with others about anything at all, without someone shrieking like a banshee if you say something or vote for someone, or read a newspaper they disapprove of?
Oh happy days 😉

Rose tinted glasses? Has it ever been possible? Wasn't it Mark Twain who originated the idea that Religion and Politics weren't subjects for polite company?