Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge fall out with parents involving DC - am I wrong?

364 replies

Chocpot1986 · 21/09/2023 15:08

Hi all,

Will try and keep it as brief as possible but need an outside outlook on this.

Last week was at my parents with my 3YO DS. He had a massive meltdown when it was time to go home, screaming and crying, getting himself in a state. However just before going home my Mum had got a game out to play with him so naturally he was reluctant to go when it was time. My Dad idolises my DC but doesn’t have a lot of patience when he starts to become a handful. My Dad started swearing a bit and getting annoyed which I asked him not to do. I was very calm and didn’t say much whilst my DS sat on my lap. My DS is still screaming and crying. We were upstairs at this point then moved downstairs. My Dad wanted my DS to put his shoes on so he could walk him to our car (their normal routine when we leave) but DS didn’t want to at that point. My Dad proceeded to be handsy with DS and get him by the arm and pull him towards the sofa - at which point I went berserk and told my Dad to stop it and that he will not do that to my son. Me and my DB used to get a few wallops as kids but I don’t want that for my son. My Mum entered the room and instead of defending me says “well DS shouldn’t be behaving like this”. My Dad did apologise straight away but I was too livid to acknowledge it because he then tells me “you’re too soft”. My Mum is sitting on the sofa trying to comfort my son, starts to cry telling me I have upset her. This made me burst into tears and get very cross whilst asking her what on earth have I done? and we then left the house whilst my DC is sobbing and so am I. My Mum does have a tendency to be a cow at times but still blame the other person. More than once in an argument she is wrong but can’t acknowledge it.

Anyway fast forward a week and I have heard absolutely nothing from them. No message, phone call, knock on the door nothing. Radio silence and it has completely hurt me. I can’t comprehend how you could see your child so upset, know you are the cause and not give it a day, then get in touch? They have both always said if there were a falling out between us they would sort it out, come knock on the door blah blah but yet….zilch.

Generally they are good parents. Had our ups and downs over the years and have butted heads more than once but had a good upbringing overall and a good enough relationship with them now.

What do I do? Continue to leave it or is life too short for this and get in touch with them? I just feel I am not in the wrong here and for once I don’t want to back down from what I am feeling.

Please no nasty replies.
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Zezet · 22/09/2023 20:15

You were completely not managing your child (tantrums being normal doesn't mean pandering to to is), your father steps in, you go berserk, accept your own part on this in theory but not by any stretch of the imagination in practice, and come on here to only read/accept the posters who write what you like.

If I were your sister in this, I would be blaming you more than our parents, even if they were handling it too harshly and like we are still in the 80s.

Probably by your standards also not a useful comment - dzjees.

Northernlass1234 · 22/09/2023 20:22

Since being a parent I’ve realised we’re all just winging it! We all make mistakes but you said yourself they are good parents and your Dad apologised straight away and it’s unlikely to happen again.

id just be the bigger person and go round but ask them politely not to interfere with your parenting.

Gcsunnyside23 · 22/09/2023 20:28

If your son was having a full scale tantrum why were you just sitting there with him on your knee? Were you trying to calm him down? Would you not just lift him and take him home. Not excusing your dad but you haven't really said what he did, did he drag the child in a really rough way? Or pull him to the sofa to get him ready? The whole situation sounds like it got really out of hand and you are all very high strung

stayathomer · 22/09/2023 20:31

I think this story will all be told differently by everyone who was there. Hope you all get it sorted op

colourwheelofortune · 22/09/2023 20:33

I agree it was 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. I'd just drop a text, how are you type of thing, and not mention it further. They and you will have learnt something for the incident.

PrinceHaz · 22/09/2023 20:34

I don’t think your parents think they did anything wrong. Guaranteed they’re sitting there feeling angry with you, not themselves.
Your mum won’t have a clue how getting the game out at home time could have snowballed.
Your dad won’t feel bad for being rough. He’ll rationalise it that he had to discipline as you’re too soft in his eyes.
They won’t remember that they spoke unkindly to you, they’ll just remember your reaction to it.
I wouldn’t feel bad that you’ve not heard from them. Enjoy the peace. They’ll get in touch at some point, but remember, when they do they’ll be full of recriminations because they’ve been stewing on it and backing one another up on it.

Original poster
Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 20:38

tkwal · 22/09/2023 19:57

Your Dad was over the top when "manhandling "your son but so was your reaction. YOU should have ensured your son had his shoes on so he could walk out with your dad asis their routine. YOU should have taken the time to get him out of his melt down, he is old enough to start learning how to behave appropriately and have consideration for others. Has he not had any socialisation yet ( day nursery or preschool ,?)

YOU need to calm down with these capital letters!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 20:41

Zezet · 22/09/2023 20:15

You were completely not managing your child (tantrums being normal doesn't mean pandering to to is), your father steps in, you go berserk, accept your own part on this in theory but not by any stretch of the imagination in practice, and come on here to only read/accept the posters who write what you like.

If I were your sister in this, I would be blaming you more than our parents, even if they were handling it too harshly and like we are still in the 80s.

Probably by your standards also not a useful comment - dzjees.

Thank god you are not my sister because you sound rather horrible!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 20:49

Hello all!

To update, I spoke to both my parents this morning and it has been cleared up. Actually they were very apologetic and accepting that I completely had the right to step in and that it all got out of hand. We ALL accepted our part in it (for the knobs telling me I don’t want to hear that I played a part in it) and that tensions were high and it won’t be happening again. I saw today that a young lady I follow on Instagram has died of cancer - she was 35 and you know what life is too bloody short. Her parents will never get the chance to see her again and here I am not talking to mine.

I know I posted for opinions to be given to me and that is fine but it’s the way some people deliver such a reply and how horribly it’s written, like they have never had an emotion in their life or made a mistake. Sometimes there isn’t a need to be so rude and judgy. But then again I was warned about this website. However there have been some really supportive and helpful comments and I genuinely thank those people
xx

OP posts:
SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname · 22/09/2023 20:51

If you are normally like this, your parents probably need a break from all the drama.

Original poster
Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 20:52

Differentstarts · 22/09/2023 18:33

Unfortunately when you lose control and can't handle your own kids others have to step in

Do you have children?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 20:54

SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname · 22/09/2023 20:51

If you are normally like this, your parents probably need a break from all the drama.

That is a very goady message, you’re clearly a very sad person.

OP posts:
GrannyRose15 · 22/09/2023 20:57

Storm in a teacup. Swallow your pride and take the little one round to see his grandparents. Don’t bring up the dispute unless they do. If they do say something, acknowledge that things got out of hand and it would be better if it didn’t happen again. Life is too short to fall out with your parents when presumably everyone was doing what they thought was necessary at the time.

StellaLaBella · 22/09/2023 21:05

GrannyRose15 · 22/09/2023 20:57

Storm in a teacup. Swallow your pride and take the little one round to see his grandparents. Don’t bring up the dispute unless they do. If they do say something, acknowledge that things got out of hand and it would be better if it didn’t happen again. Life is too short to fall out with your parents when presumably everyone was doing what they thought was necessary at the time.

Or you could RTFT

CheshireCat1 · 22/09/2023 21:06

I’m glad you’ve sorted things out with your parents, we all have little dramas in life now and again and emotions run high when those we love are involved, but it’s good to draw a line under them.

Alwaysmoremonththanwages · 22/09/2023 21:06

i don’t think it matters who was in the right and who was in the wrong, I think you should sort it out for the sake of everyone. I had an argument with my df in front of my dc and we haven’t spoken for nearly 10 years now and my kids don’t even know the gf, don’t let that be you. I miss him dearly every single day.

ForeveraBluebird · 22/09/2023 21:16

I’m glad that you’ve had a talk with your mum and dad and have managed to sort things out Op. Arguments happen in all families, nice that they’ll be seeing you and your son again .

Original poster
Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 21:18

ForeveraBluebird · 22/09/2023 21:16

I’m glad that you’ve had a talk with your mum and dad and have managed to sort things out Op. Arguments happen in all families, nice that they’ll be seeing you and your son again .

That’s very sweet thank you x

OP posts:
Differentstarts · 22/09/2023 21:23

Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 20:52

Do you have children?

Show quote history

Yes I have 3

Original poster
Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 21:31

Differentstarts · 22/09/2023 21:23

Yes I have 3

Show quote history

Then I find it strange what you’re saying as you must know how children can be and that also situations are not black and white

OP posts:
dcthatsme · 22/09/2023 21:34

Sorry to hear you're going through this OP> I think the older generation had a very different approach to child-rearing. They were quite tough and authoritarian. Yes like you, the ultimate sanction in our house was a wallop. As far as I know, that is now illegal. We were silenced before having meltdowns. Actually, my sister and I were probably silenced while we were still babies because we were left outside our house in our prams to cry so we just didn't even think of kicking off by the time we were toddlers. Times have changed. It's not great that your parents haven't acknowledged that you are the one who gets to decide how you raise your children. I think when you've calmed down it might be worth trying to talk to them saying it's no longer acceptable to smack children. Sounds like your DC was just a bit tired and emotional - regular 3 year old stuff which nonetheless can be quite stressful. It doesn't help that some people can't hack little children getting a noisy, tantrummy and upset. I hope you can all move through this soon. xxxxx

Castleview6 · 22/09/2023 21:34

It sounds like your behaviour contributed as much to the situation as your parents. Given the way you’ve reacted to comments you don’t like you sound a bit of a princess

Differentstarts · 22/09/2023 21:34

Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 21:31

Then I find it strange what you’re saying as you must know how children can be and that also situations are not black and white

Show quote history

I pull my children up on their behaviour before others have to.

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 21:36

Chocpot1986 · 21/09/2023 15:37

Possibly but I am not you and you weren’t there - don’t know me. Comments like that are pretty unhelpful

Show quote history

We were there, it all sounds like everyone was dramatic over a child having a tantrum.

I don't know why you need your mum to feel guilty over a game, maybe you need to address the tantrums?

Original poster
Chocpot1986 · 22/09/2023 21:37

Castleview6 · 22/09/2023 21:34

It sounds like your behaviour contributed as much to the situation as your parents. Given the way you’ve reacted to comments you don’t like you sound a bit of a princess

Yep it definitely did which I have accepted completely. No am far from a Princess tbh. I am laughing as I type that because I am the complete opposite. I am entitled not to like comments, why not if I find them rude or goady? Doesn’t make me a Princess.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread