AIBU - how do I avoid telling them?

[Noopnoop]

This is very long but I'll get it out as soon as I can.

I'm about to receive a life-charging sum of money from compensation for a car accident. I've developed a disability, had to give up a career I loved and I live in constant pain. My issue is that I don't want my biological family finding out.

I have always been the one to resolve problems for them whether it be financial or otherwise. They've continually made bad decisions and I've often been left to sweep up the pieces. My DGM always talks about money but also spends it as if she isn't on a fixed income. I've been the opposite. I left school with no GCSE's as I was the sole carer for mother and siblings. My "mother" was extremely abusive and did what she could to destroy me. I managed to leave home, completely an Access course and get to uni. I did drop out but stayed in the city because I met my partner. We bought our home, I went back to Uni and have worked really hard to get to where I am. I never had a stable roof over my head growing up as the rent was never paid on time and we always had bailiffs knocking on the door, something I was left to deal with as a child. DP and I also own a couple of rental properties. We've saved and gone without so we could pay off large chunks of the mortgage.

Despite the accident and being in pain everyday, I also started a business which whilst small is successful and is enough to take care of my partner, child and I, partner had to give up work to care for me.

I don't have parents and only have a grandmother and siblings but they rely on me for advice to the point that it's made me ill. When I've pushed back, I've been told that I'm selfish etc. When I discussed last year that I would be receiving compensation, my GM literally put her hand out with a smirk on her face. I've never asked for anything from my family as they've always been unreliable yet they've asked me for everything.

We visited my family in the spring. I don't drive so we made the hours long journey by train. The journey was awful and I was left in severe pain to the point of vomiting. When I arrived at my GM's, I sat down and she literally thrust some papers in my hand and told me to sort out some benefits issue she had. No welcome, or asking how I was. I underwent therapy to help me process everything I've been through and as a result I've pulled back from them quite a lot.

TLDR: abusive family, I'm about to receive life-changing amount of money. How do I tell my family the case isĥ over without revealing any amounts? I know if I did it would make my life so much more difficult.

I'm NC with all my family, I appreciate that's not always possible, but mine would be exactly like yours.
They'd want something for the fact that you have.

My advice, you are terribly upset, because you've spent all the money on therapy, other medical costs, making adaptions, and you were going to pay off the loans and cards you paid it on, but the settlement nowhere near covers it once legal fees have been taken by your solicitor.
You are still far in the red and you aren't sure how you'll get out of this long term.

It's the only way to not be asked.

I hope this money makes life a little easier for you and your husband husband and son, day to day.

Thanks everyone for the good wishes. I'm likely to be in hospital for a while yet.

The money is going to make a massive difference to our lives and for once I won't have to worry about paying bills.

I think NC is the best way to go. I've spoken to the family member I'm close with and he told me under no circumstances would I be travelling to see them and that when he's around, he will travel to see me.

I just have difficulty understanding my GM's behaviour. I don't understand why she won't call me. She doesn't realise what she's losing out on. It's very much her loss as she won't get to see her DGGS. I feel for her in a way, she is lonely, bitter and envious but this is a situation of her own making.

Try not to analyse your GM… you’ll drive yourself mad… She is what she is.. I think there’s likely been a pattern of abuse from generation to generation…. It’s great that you’ve broken that cycle with your own son and sometimes in order to be happy we just have to leave some people behind xx good luck x

@Noopnoop

I just have difficulty understanding my GM's behaviour. I don't understand why she won't call me. She doesn't realise what she's losing out on. It's very much her loss as she won't get to see her DGGS. I feel for her in a way, she is lonely, bitter and envious but this is a situation of her own making.

Please don't waste energy you need to get well on wondering why your grandmother is like this. She is what she is and is extremely unlikely to change. I very much doubt that, unless you give her a large proportion of your compensation (please, please don't do this, especially as it will never be enough for her) you won't hear from her. She does not care about you or her grandson, only what she can get out of you.

You look at her through the eyes of someone who cares for and wants to improve others' lives and, it feels to me, wants approval from her. After all, you care about her and the person she should be. She is the opposite and the more you can't accept she is the uncaring and grasping person she really is, the harder it will be for you. 🌹