It’s a stepchildren and bedrooms one!

[SettleThis]

I am pregnant and have three stepchildren (SD8, SD7 and SS5). SO and I live in a three-bedroom house, with an additional reception room downstairs used as a home office at the moment. At some point in the next 2-3 years we’re hoping to remodel and add another bedroom upstairs, but this isn’t an immediate priority right now.

IABU - baby will have to stay in your bedroom then move into the downstairs office (this is SO’s opinion)

IANBU - girls will have to move downstairs and baby into upstairs bedroom (this is my opinion)

That's not how it works. Whether OP likes it or not, her baby has 3 siblings and will only ever be 1/4 of its dad priorities. If you don't want to deal with that and make the relevant sacrifices, pick a different partner.

@Oliotya absolutely. It's all well and good posters giving OP advice "my way or the high way" "its my house I paid for it". That's true the house is OPs but if this is how OP resolves things.... and the baby isn't even born. She is in for a rude awakening!!

It is how it works, people just don't like it.
If the man was considering the needs of all of his children against his available resources, he would not be suggesting the baby go into the downstairs room. He is only concerned with the needs of two of his children.
I would suggest it is normal and healthy for OP to advocate for her child and its actually the DH who has fucked up as he had no business having more children if he had no intention of them being equal priority with the older ones.

I’m not saying the baby should have priority, but that it should be treated equally. Therefore it should have a bedroom, either alone or shared with a sibling.

In my view it would make more sense for SDs to move downstairs so they have a much bigger room and don’t have to get bunk beds (which they hate). If they don’t want to, or SO doesn’t want them to, there’s also the option of them moving into the box room and SS sharing with the baby.

It’s not appropriate to have a baby - or toddler - alone on a separate floor. That won’t be happening. I’d feel the same if they were all my children.

Totally agree OP

Not really, it's just a question of starting as you mean to go on.
OPs baby's needs matter too.
I was prepared to pull out of the sale of my own house and the purchase of our larger home together if DH had dug in about EOW DSD getting the bigger room.
Not because of the principal of the room size so much as the principal that we wouldn't be handing the baby the short straw every step of the way to make up for the fact that DH and his ex split up.
As it happens, DSD has her own room here and our joint childeen share. She has the smallest and they share the largest. She needs her own room more than they do because age/gender. She would prefer the larger room and makes frequent noises to that effect but thats not going to happen as she's not the only person who matters in this family.
It's always got to be about balance when there's more than one child. Placing a baby downstairs because older kids might feel "put out" is just stupidity.

@Backagain23 you got that right. The man had no business going on to father more children. I mean surely you would discuss things like this when planning a child especially as its OPs house

Lord. Honestly all I'm taking from this thread is that I hope to all hell my kids never have a step mother.

And that men need to stop thinking with their cocks and prioritize their existing kids

The children’s mother (the one who had an affair and split up her first family) has gone on to have more children too. Should she stop thinking with her cunt too, or do you just save the pointless vitriol for men?

@Oliotya attitudes like OP are awful. But some need to remember you can become a single mother at any given time. I don't think some will be singing from the same hymm sheet then.

I think its a low blow that people think the new addition trumps the previous kids. Perhaps it's true to some certain extent but it is immoral and its no wonder these men just go on to father more kids. I hope OP knows what she's got herself into I honestly do.

I always used to think the “first family children” got sidelined if “second family children” came along, but it’s more likely to be the other way round. Probably due to Dad guilt.

Considering they would be almost 9 and 8 by the time your child is ready for its own room, they should be downstairs.

I would wait until you know sex of the baby.

If boy I'd have in your room until 6ths/ year and if a good sleeper move SS and DS into big room upstairs, girls downstairs and use box as office.

If a girl I'd move 2 eldest downstairs, SS in box and dd into upstairs room and if you can make a garden office.

By the time baby is born and going into own room SD will be 9 and 10. Much different to 7 and 8 and your DP may not be so worried about them being on a different floor by then.

The other thing to consider about having the girls downstairs though is that they'll be at the age where they start going out and inviting friends back. So you want the noise downstairs?

Because although many wouldn't have baby on different floor from a year old you may prefer to have SS and ds (if it's a boy!) downstairs and girls upstairs and office in box room for peace and quiet in family communal areas.

But I agree with you that children who spend 75 nights out of 365 in a house don't need the biggest rooms that are empty 3/5 of the year.

There’s some seriously dickish twatty comments on here from people who think if a marriage doesn’t work out neither men or women should so much as glance at another.

Its fucking Victorian.

OP and her OH are clearly very good parents/step parents, who have prioritised the children and are now just trying to sensitively navigate the choppy waters of a new baby - something they’d have to do anyway if the children WERE the OPs.

I honestly think some MNers think that all stepmums MUST have been the OW, even if she met him years later, and if a new baby MUST be born it should be hidden and shunned to please the children who only live there a fraction of the time. And obviously parent and step parent must self flaggelate for the rest of their days for inflicting this deep trauma on everyone.

I honestly think that twatty comments are coming from bitter posters whose OHs found someone less twattish and fucked off with them - I can’t blame them TBH. Some of you on here sound like awful humans

attitudes like OP are awful

@Uggtrending eh?!

I have read all the OP’s posts. Where does she have an awful attitude?!

She’s been very calm in response to some absolute cock Wombles, she’s shown clearly she cares that her SC are happy and is going to great lengths to make them feel safe and happy, she hasn’t said a bad word against them. Where’s the attitude? Or is it just because she’s a ‘second wife’. Second wives on MN are akin to puppy killers sometimes

Apologies if this is obvious and I'm just being thick (baby brain so it's very possible 🤣) but apart from the first six months, and aside from the impracticality of running up and down stairs all the time for night wakings, why isn't it appropriate to have a toddler on a different floor?

I’d try and get the extension/loft conversion done ASAP if you can. I’d not like the idea of any young kids sleeping on the ground floor away from you. If you can get a large attic bedroom or two small ones up there then the girls could go up there. Your baby can have their old room and their brother the box room.

I’m also beginning to worry that I don’t wring my hands enough over break ins

Someone asked me before about my house - it’s 5 floors (including a basement level).

We are on top floor, DS (6) underneath us and DD (10) on the 1st floor.

No I don’t worry about burglars coming in and slashing the kids as we sleep. Or anything else that has a minuscule chance of happening. I’m not sure if people are aware but we have ears and can hear what happens in the house. Plus I grew up in a bungalow (which actually got burgled 4 times!) and I was never afraid.

@MartinChuzzlewit maybe you've not read the thread properly. Did I say OP said a bad word about her step kids? Where did I say that? I'm not the type to slag down OW, infact I've been on recent threads .. about that actually. None of that applies to me. I'm not repeating my points again.

I have read the thread properly. I’m not seeing an attitude. At all.

I wasn’t claiming you said she was against her step kids - I was demonstrating how calm she’s been in the undeserving shit people have thrown at her

I don’t see the issue with the girls down stairs- would be the same if you lived in a town house with bedrooms over 2 floors. This ain’t going to be for another year (pregnancy plus 6 months) so no rush but absolutely not an issue

@MartinChuzzlewit with all due respect we are all entitled to our opinions. Respectfully you, I and the rest don't have to agree. So OP should be calm we are adults. Myself and others pointed out she had an undertone if that's what she is referring to... not been funny but OP baby isn't even born YET. She's already starring with its my house and if he doesn't like it.... I don't agree with that take. For the record I'm nobody's ex wife nor against OM or whatever you suggested earlier. I simply think OP has bugger fish to fry! That's all

I wouldn’t put any young child on the ground floor. Baby will probably be in with you for ages anyway so if you’re adding another room in next couple of years then I’d see if I could do that sooner. A baby on another floor, absolutely not, but I wouldn’t put any of them on ground floor. Teen yes, but not young kids like these

Absolutely @Uggtrending we are all entitled to our opinions but I think if you’re gonna make statements like OP has a bad attitude you should explain why.

There’s undertones of nothing - OP is right to say it OH is insistent on the baby being squished into a room while 2 rooms sit empty then he can do one. I wish more women were like that actually rather than being doormats