It’s a stepchildren and bedrooms one!

[SettleThis]

I am pregnant and have three stepchildren (SD8, SD7 and SS5). SO and I live in a three-bedroom house, with an additional reception room downstairs used as a home office at the moment. At some point in the next 2-3 years we’re hoping to remodel and add another bedroom upstairs, but this isn’t an immediate priority right now.

IABU - baby will have to stay in your bedroom then move into the downstairs office (this is SO’s opinion)

IANBU - girls will have to move downstairs and baby into upstairs bedroom (this is my opinion)

Doesn't need to be "rife" with breakins. Only takes 1.

Exactly. If anything the baby is the one child you don't want on a different floor. Least likely to be able to get out unaided.

And OP is having a baby and it's on its way so solutions are needed now not oh you should have thought of that before

Well yeah, that's why I said baby should stay in with them for now.

No way would I have DC aged 7 and 8 sleeping on the ground floor by themselves. Not only would I be worried that in a break in they’d be got to first, or a fire breaking out downstairs and they’d be trapped on their own but also the opportunity for mischief, i.e kitchen right there for snacks, possible use of electrical/gas appliances, front and back doors in easy access, etc this wouldn’t be an issue if they were upstairs as it’s unlikely they’d go down on their own in the middle of the night at that age as they’d probably be scared.

Quite valid for them to be scared of sleeping downstairs all alone (which to them they will be) at that age. I know my DC wouldn’t have done it before 14+.

Maybe you and your DP should have done the extension or moved to a bigger house before you got pregnant? Doesn’t matter how much the DC are there, they should be safely accommodated in their Dad’s house.

@SettleThis
Welcome to the thread where the sks needs and wants will 100% come before your own, people tend to think sks should trump over everyone else in the house, it's your house if dp doesn't like it he can move out that way he can get a 4 or 5 bedroom house for when he has all his children.

As I’ve said before if SDs would rather share with a baby, or move into the box room so SS can share with the baby (which he’d love), I’m fine with that. In fact it’d be better for me because we’d keep the secondary reception room. Two kids in each bedroom is really not damaging or unfair. However, I strongly expect they’d prefer not to.

Ultimately I’ll leave it with SO to choose from two options: either the girls move downstairs to the bigger room, or the baby shares the middle-sized room upstairs. If he refuses both, which he won’t because he’s not mad, he’s welcome to move out and accommodate all his children as he wishes. I’m not paying a large mortgage to have my bedroom, the baby’s bedroom and the home office all in the same room whilst two bedrooms sit mostly empty.

Thanks to everyone who’s voted or commented - 78% agreeing with me is gratifying, and there’s always people who will disagree on here!

My DH had a vasectomy rather than another baby

Honesty can't believe the shit I read on here sometimes. Get this poster's DH a fucking big glowing medal 🏅

Baby in your room for a while.

If a girl her room id the step d's room and they stay in there when they stay. Vice versa if a boy.

Forgot to add, there’s no way I’d have a baby/toddler sleeping downstairs or on a different floor as well.

I’d suggest that want to move the baby out of your room before you’ve extended or moved, put him/her in an adjacent room when your step DC aren’t there with a single bed for your SS, (which can also be used by you or DP if baby is unsettled at night so at least one of you can get some sleep) then move baby back into your room when they are. They’re not there a lot so it wouldn’t be too much of an inconvenience.

Do you have a downstairs loo? I think kids of those ages need a loo on the same floor as them. Also isn’t it going to be noisy from the living areas when they’re meant to be going to bed? I don’t think any kids downstairs is ideal. You might find they’re quite difficult to settle! If you’re early pregnancy now I’d just get the extension planned in asap and keep baby in with you until it’s done. Or just put them in your room when other kids are there. They really don’t need a room until they’re older. It’s nice to have a nursery set up but they really don’t use it much Most people end up changing nappies on the floor as changing tables are a danger once they can roll and daytime naps are downstairs

They will have to get used to being on a different floor, your baby is your priority,.
Maybe your partner could move downstairs with them if it bothers him so much

Damn right!

Where is the room in relation to the stairs anyway? Is it near?

OP doesn't want her baby downstairs but is happy to have other people's kids on the floor by themselves. Bless her it all sounds new.... start as you mean to go on OP. Good luck!

1. A baby is different to a 6-7 year old.
2. As a step mum I so often see it's not "other people's kids" they are my family.
3. It is not uncommon for there to be a bedroom on the ground floor

@minipeony what are you talking about? I have a bedroom on the middle floor (townhouse) I've stated this already. I would NOT leave ANY child on my middle floor because its closest to my front door.
Anybody could get burgled.

I wouldn't be able to settle, I would personally as an adult have that room and the BABY would sleep with me. It isn't uncommon for a child to not want to sleep on a floor by themselves either.

This is missing the biggest problem IMO.
The father of all of the children is happy for his own baby, the most helpless one of the three, to be downstairs by itself.
It's not a good start and OP is best off holding the line as if her DH gets it into his head that his elder children are her priority too then who's left to look out for the baby's needs?

@Backagain23 I don't think ANY CHILD AT all should be down stairs it's not appropriate. Has dad given a reason? Or have I missed it?

I don't like OPs tone either though, if this is what she is posting about already well..... God blended families sound like a bloody nightmare to me.

I don't think it's necessarily your problem to sort out the final details of all the sleeping arrangements. Just tell OH where you are definitely not willing to compromise (i.e. baby stays on same floor as you; no extensions can be funded by you until the expensive nursery years are over) and see what he suggests for the next few years until the extension can be done. Presumably he will then work out whether he prefers his older DC all sharing or two of them in the downstairs room? (Or do you think he'll want to keep the baby in with you, in that case?)

Also, isn't the safety issue being discussed here a red herring, in the sense that he surely regards it as safe for his older DC to sleep downstairs if he'd happily have the baby sleep there? It sounds like it's more a worry about their feelings. But that's between him and them. It sounds as if you're happy for him to make whatever arrangements he likes, as long as you have your baby nearby. It should be a short term problem as you are planning an extension anyway once you're more financially stable.

The baby doesn't need a bedroom though.
The SO problem is clearly bigger than the bedroom issue imo, since OP is so happy for him to just leave if she doesn't get her way. If you choose to start a family with a man who already has a family, your baby doesn't get to be number 1 priority.

Yes, his reason is that he thinks the older girls will be "put out at being further away at night".
Not good enough.

I've lived in a situation with a bedroom for a child on the ground floor and everyone else upstairs.it very much depends on the set up and the child.

In the house paid for by OP, it's one and only home, the baby absolutely does get to be priority.
The thing about babies is that they grow. The accumulate stuff. Especially ones with only the one home.

@Oliotya I agree with your last sentence that's my belief too.

Too right, particularly when the step children are only there for a such a small amount of time.