To think this might be contributing to my difficulty finding a partner

[healthgal]

I'm 35 and in a professional job, own a home, reasonably attractive, slim, and a friendly sort of person.

But despite looking and dating for 15 years, I've never found a relationship which has lasted more than a few months.

I was discussing with a friend last night and she suggested that one aspect of my lifestyle could be quite off-putting to potential men, and I'm wondering if this could be part of the reason.

I deeply believe in and follow certain lifestyle measures which I believe (and evidence shows) is beneficial to my health. Such habits include;

• fasting such that I only eat lunch and dinner
• avoiding all ultra processed food, which means cooking my own largely plant based food (although am not vegan)
• drinking apple cider vinegar before each meal
• only drinking water and black coffee really

I have no intention of changing these habits as evidence shows them to be hugely beneficial to health. For special occasions like weddings etc I will be flexible, but I'm never going to be someone who goes for a KFC etc.

I obviously couldn't dictate that a future partner followed the same ethos as me, but subconsciously probably wouldn't pursue someone who wasn't at least semi health focused.

But it's got me thinking, is my lifestyle extremist? And is it putting potential suitors off?

I don't think it would put off the right person, no. You need to be honest and reveal the authentic you, or what's the point?
But 15 years is a long time to be dating, so perhaps it's a different issue which is totally unrelated which strangers online know nothing about.

If you have particular lifestyle preferences which would only really make you compatible with others who share most of them, then you are narrowing your dating pool. But there's no point embarking on multiple no-hoper dates with incompatible people.

Hit the nail on the head.

OTOH your friend could have been more tactful.

Why? It's true.

How?

I've said (paraphrased) 'ok, so lots of people would be put off by it, good to know, will consider making some small changes in the future though, I'm probably not going to change my fundamental beliefs and actions though'. That's not saying 'I'm right'. That's just stating what my personal priority is, having considered what everyone has said.

Lots of assumptions about a superiority complex and judging other people- this just isn't true 🤷🏻‍♀️ I've stated that I believe the problem is in health and food policies and not with individuals, how does that suggest that I am judgemental and superior?

There have been several points well made that I will reflect on, particularly about loneliness and general fulfilment being important in quality of life.

I really feel this this post has offended lots of people and I don't know why. Unless there are subconscious/repressed self doubts about peoples own well-being and approach to food and that's put people on the defensive?

Depends what they like to do for dates/fun and what you do. I enjoy drinking and eating loads of different types of food so we wouldn't be compatible (I'm a woman anyway 😂)

We’re not offended. Couldn’t care less. Just trying to explain some different perspectives for you that you really don’t seem to be keen to take on board. You’ve asked if something may be the problem, been told yes, but still think it’s everyone else’s problem. That’s why people think you are uptight rigid and judgemental.
But you do you. If you’re so convinced you are right, keep on carrying on, and keep on getting what you’ve always got.

I don't think it's everyone else's problem, it's clearly me that it effects if it's contributing towards my singleness, your point doesn't even make sense.

Maybe it’s not the fact that your health conscious but more a question of being quite rigid and subsequently boring.

I don’t eat before 1pm on regular workdays but if my colleagues said one morning ‘hey, let’s go get breakfast’, I’d join in, because it’s out of the ordinary and would actually be quite fun. I also drink ACV - have done for years - but if I miss it one day, who cares 🤷‍♀️ I also try to drink beetroot juice daily, but again, if I don’t no big deal.

I’m strict about my gym routine too, but if a friend asked me to go out for supper on a Wednesday night when I usually go to pump, I wouldn’t turn them down because of that. Because then I’d be missing out on life.

Dating should be fun and full of unexpected ‘adventures’. You’re usually getting to know each other doing different activities, movies, gigs, dinners, weekend getaways. This means you can’t be lugging around your bottle of ACV and bringing a salad to a concert, If you just want to stick to your routine at all times, the guys probably think, nah, this is just boring and move on.

I’m not saying start dating a KFC loving layabout but don’t be so restrictive in life. Eating before 1pm a few times a month really won’t make a difference.

It's probably not that. But it's quite a big thing so you'd need someone who is very into health /nutrition too. Been down the gym?! 😁
I think you're very sensible looking after your health. Not drinking is actually surprisingly rare and going out for food/drinks is a main date for new relationships isn't it, so maybe it's tricky. But surely with the right person you'd go to the right places 🤔
Is there anything else you think it could be?

@EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon what's true? that mumsnet has keyboard warriors? what site doesn't? The post imo still says a lot about the OP.

Probably depends where you live - move to somewhere like Brighton, Totnes, Stroud or Bristol and you'll find heaps of similarly minded people for whom all of those factors are a positive!

Rigid and boring I'll accept as fair representations of myself in regards to the dietary stuff.

My husband does all these things - if he does then other men must do too and they wouldn’t be put off. I do think my husband’s weird though 😂 I do enjoy the odd ACV with him but too much talk of Dr Berg gets on my nerves.

I wouldn’t say it’s exceptionally extremist, but it depends if you’re a) obsessed with it and b) expect everyone else to conform to it.
I had a school friend who I socialised with for years afterwards. She had never been excessively healthy, but not excessively unhealthy either.
Then she met and married a man who was vegan and became obsessed with it.
Every conversation became about Veganism, all the time.
Nothing else.
Whereas we would usually meet for coffee, I would get a text saying “Fancy a coffee? Vegan, of course!”
She would share pictures saying “Had lush vegan pancakes for Pancake Day.”
”Ooh it’s hot, had a vegan Magnum to cool down.”
We know she’s bloody vegan, we don’t need a constant reminder. No one is hanging on her every word, trying to catch her out by saying “Aha, pancakes have milk in them, you fraud,”
Then if we met up, I would be preached at, telling me that if I knew how my food was produced I wouldn’t eat most of it. Commenting about my food or asking me if I wanted my children to grow up being cruel to animals.
I do know. I’m not stupid. I’m more than capable of making my own choices.
We don’t see each other any more, we had less and less in common and, to be fair, now she’s married and has kids, she has less time and more people in her life.

So I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s the lifestyle itself that might put people off. It’s how you approach it. Or it might not be that at all, just bad luck.

I'm trying not to go into too much depth about my 'beliefs' and the reasoning as it's not what the thread is about: but I truly believe that in 10-20 years time we will look back on the standard western diet the same way we look back on smoking now. We'll know that it was hugely hugely damaging on a population level and killed so many people. We'll wonder why it was every normalised the way it is. We'll discuss in astonishment how we exposed our children to these risks. Etc etc etc.

I'm not asking or expecting posters to share my sentiment here, but just trying to give some background which might (probably won't!) help people somewhat understand where this is coming from.

Balance is important. If you are 80-90% healthy what do you think would happen if you had the odd breakfast or ate something that wasn’t totally clean eating?

I am not entirely convinced by some of the research into fasting etc and longer-term impact. The happiest long-lived elderly people seem to be as such because of their social connections, ability to keep mind and body active etc. I suspect loneliness is actually a bigger killer than the odd bit of bacon.

I also suspect there will be plenty of men thinking about how such a lifestyle might affect a family and raising children. There will be men who share the OPs values but she is going to be reducing the pool.

You skip breakfast, drink black coffee and cook dinner yourself.

What's so remarkable about that?

I would find it off putting for the following reasons:

— You seem very ridged and set in your ways , probably indicates you are not spontaneous or fun and you have to over think everything. You seem inflexible.

__ You are obsessed with nutrition / your health, might seem like you are neurotic or have Orthorexia. You probably spend a great deal of your day thinking about your food / your body and what you will prepare / eat for your next meal.

_ would you even allow meat products in your house if you ended up living with a man who did eat meat, Also if you lived with a meat eater you would probably have to cook separate meals.

—-If you had Children how would you envisage their diet being like, would they be allowed to eat meat / non plant based food.

__ You sound quite boring…..Sorry!

I'm trying not to go into too much depth about my 'beliefs' and the reasoning as it's not what the thread is about: but I truly believe that in 10-20 years time we will look back on the standard western diet the same way we look back on smoking now. We'll know that it was hugely hugely damaging on a population level and killed so many people. We'll wonder why it was every normalised the way it is. We'll discuss in astonishment how we exposed our children to these risks. Etc etc etc.

But no one actually thinks eating junk all day is good for you. I think the above is extreme tbh

Who are you?

Are you some sort of stunt double for the OP because she's had to go and drink some vinegar?

I don't think anything bad happens from the odd treat.

But when dating I'm already going out for meals initially, and obviously picking the food which most suits me, but it's often not what I really want to eat. Then I'm having a glass of wine or two each time. So that for me is already compromise. If I'm then going for a cafe breakfast every Saturday, and then we go to the cinema during the week and he wants to share popcorn and so on and so forth, eventually I am going to have to draw a line on where it's more than I'm willing to compromise on.

Pahaha I've had a name change fail. I thought mumsnet auto changed you back to the name you had started the thread it but that hasn't happened.

I also posted today for washer dryer recommendations you see.

(In between drinking ACV)(Diluted and through a straw for those who have worried for my teeth)

This attitude is why.

I'm not asking or expecting posters to share my sentiment here, but just trying to give some background which might (probably won't!) help people somewhat understand where this is coming from.

It doesn't really matter what you believe or others do. As I said the topic is irrelevant it's the overall inflexibility & rigidness that's unattractive. Where the fun, the spontaneity, the sexiness that's important when you are getting to know someone & dating them?