To think this might be contributing to my difficulty finding a partner

[healthgal]

I'm 35 and in a professional job, own a home, reasonably attractive, slim, and a friendly sort of person.

But despite looking and dating for 15 years, I've never found a relationship which has lasted more than a few months.

I was discussing with a friend last night and she suggested that one aspect of my lifestyle could be quite off-putting to potential men, and I'm wondering if this could be part of the reason.

I deeply believe in and follow certain lifestyle measures which I believe (and evidence shows) is beneficial to my health. Such habits include;

• fasting such that I only eat lunch and dinner
• avoiding all ultra processed food, which means cooking my own largely plant based food (although am not vegan)
• drinking apple cider vinegar before each meal
• only drinking water and black coffee really

I have no intention of changing these habits as evidence shows them to be hugely beneficial to health. For special occasions like weddings etc I will be flexible, but I'm never going to be someone who goes for a KFC etc.

I obviously couldn't dictate that a future partner followed the same ethos as me, but subconsciously probably wouldn't pursue someone who wasn't at least semi health focused.

But it's got me thinking, is my lifestyle extremist? And is it putting potential suitors off?

My DS is single atm and he would be very interested to meet you! He also fasts, watches his carbs, rarely drinks, and gets the piss taken out of him by his colleagues for eating salad and sardines for lunch instead of a Greggs or a KFC. I do wonder if he ever has dch and wouldn't allow sweets...
Keep being true to yourself OP, there is someone out there for you!

I never ate breakfast either. Even when I was 4 years old starting school my mum couldn't make me eat it. I've never liked eating in the morning.

But that's a natural habit I'm not deliberately fasting until 1pm as I think it's healthy. My newish partner is a bit 😦as he doesn't get how I'm not hungry but I'm just not.

But yeah I'll have a brunch with him later and he has a banana and cereal bar earlier if he wants as that's what he likes at breakfast.

Apple cider vinegar is bullshit. What you really want is metformin. I take it for pcos. That'll really curb the glucose spikes. But you won't get it without a medical need. I don't take that just because.

Sorry OP, but yes, I'd say it's 100% affecting your ability to find a partner.

You come across quite rigid on this thread and I daresay you talk about it all a lot more than you think.

Life is for living, I love food and drink and going out for food and drinks, so personally it would be a big no from me.

There is a middle ground. Why is the view here that either people are vegan or eat junk.

It isn't so black and white in reality. Or maybe I live in a different world.

An awful lot of ‘might’ references to the ACV benefits in this article!

Tbf it may be the sardines in common space rather than the healthy eating itself🙈

Read the further responses.

OP!! Rigid. Defensive. Judgemental of others… all not attractive.

Again it isn’t the lifestyle, it is the attitude

“I am a health conscious superior being who knows better than all the plebs and I will not compromise any aspect of my lifestyle for anyone else because I am right in all things”

There is quite a lot of attitude going on.

It isn’t the fermenting fruit in the fridge. You can close the fridge door….

It’s the set in her ways, rigid and uncompromising woman that would just be suffocating in a relationship. Mega high maintenance.

You are going to have to go for someone who is equally extreme. But then you will probably butt heads about who is right in the “I’m the healthiest of them all” stakes.

I don’t know what you are going to do… but I would honestly not be so preachy about it all. Don’t change your ways but stop tying to justify them or enforce on others.

Most men will have a pizza every so often.

My DH doesn’t have breakfast most of the time, he won’t eat cucumber, mushrooms or drink milk. Few other things. He day drinks on holiday (few pints at lunch), he needs a few pints at the wkend to decompress….

I don’t do any of that, but beyond the odd moan I let him crack on and I don’t go on about my habits being superior as we are two different people and have to respect what works for the other.

Your choice to eat as you do is simply that. A choice.

Yes there are scientific studies about this or that being bad for you. But living your life in a neurotic state without human companionship is also pretty bad for your longevity.

You are presenting the benefits of your lifestyle choices as absolute fact. A quick google reveals much of what you follow is only backed by small, observational studies and does not have enough credible evidence for it to be real health advice.
Personally I could probably tolerate you for about two months before I started to think that you weren’t very bright and I would be happier with someone who was generally more flexible.

It's fairly extreme and rigid, compared to my wide circle of friends, but that doesn't necessarily represent yours!

Home cooked plant based food every night is quite a big deal. I only know a couple of vegans and it's quite hard to live with if the partner isn't.

Not eating til 1 is also extreme!

You would need to find someone who had similar habits to you, but if you're in such good health from these habits, I would have thought you could be less rigid at least at weekends.

TBH I don't think you sound extreme at all. I have plenty of friends that do what you do and it never impacts my interactions with them. I mean, you're 35, not 25 so not like getting wankered every night and chomping down a pizza is essential. I think your person is out there, and there are plenty of people that would appreciate your lifestyle.

Since when did I even mention flexible in my post apart from the bit I quoted from someone else who talked about asking a vegan to be flexible and eat meat, which I disagreed with.

OP I'm sure there's someone out there for you and I really hope you find him. To get straight to the point, do you include this lifestyle/health interest in your OLD profile assuming you use this method for meeting potential partners? If not, then I strongly suggest you do as I can't imagine the majority of men being happy with this level of joylessness around food. The thing is that these days most people's social lives revolve around food or drink in some way or other. You do sound a bit obsessional to be honest and most chaps I think would be put off unless of course they're on the same page. Good luck OP, like everybody else you deserve to be happy.

It's more the obsessiveness/structure but there are plenty of men like this too. You just need to find each other!

You sound like my SIL. She is 76 and has all of your rules and a whole lot more. No-one stays at her house anymore. She doesn't eat or drink before 11 so you aren't allowed to. She has a drink at precisely 12.30 so if you have driven for hours to get her house and have missed the 12.30 window you will have to wait until 2pm for the next drink. We meet her as a group of siblings and spouses away from her house. We go to cafes and eat and drink as we wish. She will stick rigidly to her schedule, even if it means bringing a flask with her so she can drink at the exact hour. In a biggish group she doesn't spoil things with her rules. One to one would be very wearing. She is known as the family 'mood hoover'.She can literally suck the joy out of the most wonderful of occasions.

I have a friend who has taken up fasting. Has she mentioned it. Oh dear god yes.

The first few months of a new relationship is usually based around food and drinks. Trips to the cinema, a weekend fry up, takeaway on a friday night, meals out. People bond over food.

I would feel controlled by your eating habits.

My diet is more extreme and I’ve not had dating issues because of it

My MIL is very much like you, she has orthorexia. It’s very tiring to be around to be honest and we definitely limit our time with her because of it. Going out for breakfast with a partner very occasionally or not having vinegar with each meal once every now and again isn’t going to do anything. That sort of inflexibility I would think is off putting.

I've read your replies and you sound boring, judgemental and holier than thou. Therein lies your problem.

It would annoy me if I couldn’t have breakfast out with a partner, what about those lovely leisurely breakfasts on holiday or a sunny day at a street cafe? How full it would be without those. Are you more flexible if on holiday?

I do intermittent fasting so don’t eat after 7pm and mostly don’t eat again till following midday but it isn’t set in stone. I love food, eat mostly home cooked fresh food but today I’m meeting my son and we’re going out for his favourite (fried chicken). Really looking forward to it!! Life is for living!

I wouldn't go out with you OP. I like people who like going out for meals and drinks and having the odd takeaway. I don't think it would be much fun being with someone who is so rigid about life. No offence because that's what makes you happy, but I can see how off putting it might be to some people.

Honestly? Whilst I don't necessarily believe that your dietary habits are holding you back from a sustained relationship, what I do wonder is what other aspects of your lifestyle might come across as a little offbeat or restrictive.

You are obviously very self-disciplined with your eating habits, so I'd hazard a guess that there could be other areas in your life, or elements of your personality that are also a little unyielding?

In previous relationships, can you identify a pattern where/when they've broken down or a familiar route to where you can see things start to go awry?

In any event, if you are happy with your lifestyle, that's all that really matters. I'm sure your soulmate is out there, so until he/she comes along, carry on enjoying what sounds like a great way to live!

Interesting.

There's been quite a lot of personal attacks on me based on presumptions and extrapolations about me which is just totally unnecessary, but I've been on mumsnet long enough to know that people are keyboard warriors who are mean for the sake of it sometimes on here.

My question has been well has been answered however, that yes many men would be put off by my lifestyle choices. That's all I wanted to discuss.

Have a great day all!

Well it would put me off if I were a man. I'd find it really boring going out with someone like that.

I think having read your OP again the things you mention are pretty normal sounding - basically you skip breakfast and eat a healthy probably vegetarian diet.

But the fact that you contrast this with things like "going to KFC" tells me something, that there are probably a lot of other things you COULD do and still live a healthy lifestyle, but maybe don't do.

For example - you could eat out at or get a takeaway from a healthy restaurant (sushi, some tapas, wholefood type restaurants etc), you could go round to friend's houses for dinner as long as they cooked you something vegetarian, you could have asked your boyfriend to wait til 1 before going out for brunch and had something healthy when there (I've rarely been for brunch before 1ish anyway).

Do you do those things?

What it sounds like for me is not so much about the food but about the routine that you have around food - you do the same things in the same places at the same times each day, almost like having a very very fixed diary sort of forever. Do you think maybe it's that that people have found difficult, that everything fun has to be done around your day plan - a bit like if you were a farmer or someone else with a fixed regimen.

I'm not saying you should break your food decisions if they're working for you, just that maybe it's worth thinking about the impacts this has on others - if you're in a relationship with someone who "has to" eat at home every night, you're also staying in every night if you want to be with them, for example.

Do you think you could learn to be more flexible, not about the foods, but about how willing you are to be spontaneous or break the "routine" around the food? It doesn't leave much for another person to work with there in terms of compromise - and don't forget lots of really health-orientated people will have their own routines, which may not fit with yours. Like they may want to have 90% of their calories in the morning and fast for the next 20 hours or only eat fish etc etc.

,@healthgal

If all of your relationships end after a few months, it is not unreasonable for you to think that it may be something that you are doing or not doing. After all, you are the common denominator in all of these relationships.

Could it possibly be that when the relationship reaches a point where a prospective partner would norm ally be introducing you to friends and or family they are hesitant because they don't view you as fitting easily into their circles?

Your dietary regimen might be easy to accept on a 1 to 1 basis, but it might be harder to see you fitting into an impromptu bbq or pizza night out with the gang or Xmas dinner with the family.

It may that as much as they may like you, they see the relationship as requiring too much work or too much explaining to friends and family.

Looking for someone who both understands and practices a similar lifestyle may help in finding a relationship that may go the distance.