To think this might be contributing to my difficulty finding a partner

[healthgal]

I'm 35 and in a professional job, own a home, reasonably attractive, slim, and a friendly sort of person.

But despite looking and dating for 15 years, I've never found a relationship which has lasted more than a few months.

I was discussing with a friend last night and she suggested that one aspect of my lifestyle could be quite off-putting to potential men, and I'm wondering if this could be part of the reason.

I deeply believe in and follow certain lifestyle measures which I believe (and evidence shows) is beneficial to my health. Such habits include;

• fasting such that I only eat lunch and dinner
• avoiding all ultra processed food, which means cooking my own largely plant based food (although am not vegan)
• drinking apple cider vinegar before each meal
• only drinking water and black coffee really

I have no intention of changing these habits as evidence shows them to be hugely beneficial to health. For special occasions like weddings etc I will be flexible, but I'm never going to be someone who goes for a KFC etc.

I obviously couldn't dictate that a future partner followed the same ethos as me, but subconsciously probably wouldn't pursue someone who wasn't at least semi health focused.

But it's got me thinking, is my lifestyle extremist? And is it putting potential suitors off?

Not really relevant but I’ve always wondered why apple cider vinegar? And not any other vinegar? 🤔

Come to Bristol, you'd fit right in. Might even be considered unhealthy by our standards.

I’d say that UPF account for less than 5% of my calorie intake. Most days I don’t have any. I think it’s an entirely laudable aim to have. It’s something I think about quite a bit. However, I wouldn’t either rule out ever eating them ever again because, well, life happens. And I certainly wouldn’t expect my life partner, friends and family to foreswear them either or think of less of them if they did eat them.

Do you consider yourself fun to be around? Have you had any hints from these men what is it that they didn't want to continue the relationship?

Your diet seems to be a reflection of your personality, a bit strict.

I dated a vegan once and I learned that I can't do that again, food sharing is definitely part of the fun.

I suspect its your rigid approach (i.e. refusing to even go to the cafe at breakfast time, rather than what you'd eat or not when you got there), rather than your diet itself. You don't want to eat until 1pm - fine - but understand that if you want to be in a relationship with someone and if that someone likes to eat breakfast out on a Saturday morning you go with him and you have your vinegar and black coffee or whatever you allow yourself at that time of day, but you compromise, rather than just saying No all the time.

Anyone who is very strict about something in their life, whether it's diet, exercise, religion, work, etc can be hard to live with unless their partner shares that particular interest or lifestyle. I'm into health and fitness too and I eat quite different stuff to the rest of my family a lot of the time (I also have a food intolerance), but I never impose my diet or my exercise regime on my family. I cook for them and I eat something different, generally I fit my exercise around my family (e.g. on holiday I'll get up and go running at 7am or I'll run the following day if we'd planned an early start). Occasionally, if I'm doing a race, then they have to cope without me for a few hours, but I don't do races very often and they have plenty of warning. It's about being flexible, considerate and balancing what you want for yourself with what works for the other people in your life.

So you have never liked anyone enough to modify your opinions and lifestyle? Not even for a romantic weekend.

@W0tnow It does seem a bit junk science doesn't it - is apple cider vinegar a different type of acetic acid?

I am not sure I buy the whole glusoe spikes thing either - it sounds like "detox". A fully functioning body should be able to deal with glucose spikes on its own.

Why don't you look for a partner via a vegan dating website or app? Sounds like it would find you someone more like minded.

There's no middle ground or moderation. I eat healthy and look after myself but I couldn't be with someone that rigid. Takes all the fun out of dating - eating / drinking / breakfast after sleepovers / holidays.

Yes. OP, if this is actually the way you behave in person, then yes, your inflexibility and othering of different dietary habits is possibly unattractive.

I never eat breakfast, am a strict vegetarian, and raising a vegetarian child, I’ve never eaten a McDonalds and DH, who is an excellent cook, cooks a largely whole food diet — but I live close to one of the best vegetarian restaurants in the world, and enjoy good wine and eating out (but only if it’s excellent).

I’ve never had difficulty finding or keeping relationships.

It might be off-putting if you and the men are looking for someone to start a family with. I can't imagine many people wanting to bring children up with that level of control over their diet which could be a concern of your boyfriends.
Or if you show disapproval of your partners choices of food, or won't ever deviate from your meals to share a common meal together etc.

Quite. It's a fair bit of rubbishy 'science' pedalled by charlatans, in the main.

Everything in moderation. Chances are you're a bit much. I have 'guidelines' to improve my health. But none of my friends are subjected to knowing such tedious information about me.

Most men (I think) who are 'into health and fitness' are obsessive about other things such as cleanliness washing hands 30 times a day. They spend £££s on supplements.

They also follow the pseudo scientific Social Media.

Good luck!

The other question might be, you say this is an ethos based on health, does this mean that you extend that into other areas of life? There are loads of things that can be justified or not in terms of health. Diet is only one aspect. Do you have other health-based rules? Do you have any health anxiety. Or is this just a diet thing?

I'm vegetarian and open to others dietary requirement but honestly it sounds dull.

I always found the ACV thing weird and I don't believe in its benefits but if you do then you do you.

Fasting is not that weird at all millions do naturally, I have never really been a breakfast person as I'm just not hungry then.

Obviously plant based is ok by me as I'm veggie myself.

However I absoloutly could not date a 'health control' type eater who refuses to eat out. It's one of the joys in life and I think its actually very inductive of eating disorders and unhealthy food relationships to be so controlling you refuse to go to a restaurant or eat stuff you don't cook.

Like it ok if you don't want to go to somewhere like KFC or Pizza Hut but to be 'I must home cook all my own organic plant based foods and won't eat out anywhere' is not a healthy mindset and shows an mindset issue.

I don't drink or smoke and I only drank as a teenager to be part of the crowd. I don't eat breakfast either. I don't eat as much meat as I used to eat. I like to eat healthy fresh fruit, and veg. But my low budget means I have to buy cheap meals frozen, canned, and ready meals some times. I batch cook shepherds pie, and corned beef hash.

I think you need to allow your future kids/partner some room to have a takeaway once a week. You can choose some thing else for your self. I think as long as you give them room to choose other things too they may actually like some of your choices. But I could not live with a person only eating their choice of food. Kids will want takeaways same as their mates.

Sounds like you follow a very rigid set of rules regarding eating and drinking and you may only get on well with a man who is fully into the same sort of thing.

I can see a few potential dealbreakers here.

Guzzling vinegar at mealtimes - from a place of ignorance sounds gross and could give any potential partner the ick.

Not willing to have comfort food or breakfast with your potential partner at least occasionally - whether it's home cooked or at the pub or whatever. Doesn't mean you have to wake up to a full English or a McMuffin every day, or that you have to have what he's having. Just don't make it feel like a filthy habit that he has to slink off and do alone; it's a normal, shared activity for the vast majority of couples.

I take the view of: be a bit flexible and eat or drink everything in moderation. But you're quite the purist and that can be very limiting and wearing for someone who has to fit around your set routine.

Even more, a healthy functioning body will actually create glucose "spikes" itself on demand (e.g. in case of zone 3 and above regular exercise) through a process called gluconeogenesis. Even if you have not so much as smelled carbohydrates in years.

It's a bit like if a vegan posted with the same question, having a stated that they are happy with the lifestyle and have no intent to change, and people replying 'can you be more flexible and just eat meat sometimes'. The answer is obviously going to be no

Well obviously the answer is going to be no.
But if a vegan posted and said is my veganism putting men off, then the answer would probably be that yes, it definitely would put some (perhaps most) men off.
A man who loves a fry-up or eats lots of meat wouldn't be able to envisage living with a vegan, who probably won't want meat in the house at all. So a vegan would be better off finding someone who is compatible - either another vegan or a vegetarian.

The same applies to you. You have a very restrictive diet/lifestyle because you won't eat before 1pm, drinking acv before every meal, avoiding all UPF and only drink water or coffee. So for many men, once they get to know you and see what this lifestyle is like, they may feel that it isn't for them because they couldn't live like that. If they get pleasure from going for breakfast somewhere, or a lie-in at home and breakfast together, or if they regularly like to go to restaurants and you don't, or if they like to eat junk food, then they are going to decide that you aren't compatible.

Also, you sound quite fanatical about it and although you claim not to go on about it, I'd be surprised if you don't talk about this sort of thing a lot. It would get on my nerves, I'm sorry to say and it's not something I could cope with in a partner. Even if you really aren't talking about it, it just wouldn't be for me. And I'm not someone who stuffs white carbs and eats piles of junk food and nor am I addicted to food.

Missing the point, but.. Wouldn't the vinegar be awful for you teeth?

I get what you're saying but food and eating is one of the most fundamental aspects of society and community, it's about more than just health.
It's about belonging and culture and symbolism, and for many people sharing meals or treats is something they get real pleasure from. It has been that way throughout history so it cannot just be scorned away.

You're right in some respects and I do agree society has an unhealthy attitude to food. But there are extremes both ways. Your way of cooking, for example, might not agree with someone with ibs.

You meet people half way. The guy that loved his weekend breakfasts and wanted you to join him was saying he wanted to share his time and part of his routine with you. The fact you thought this was just about food shows you misread the situation.

Fasting is not that weird at all millions do naturally, I have never really been a breakfast person as I'm just not hungry then

Likewise, I'm never hungry for breakfast. But in a social setting, e.g. a hotel breakfast or out early with friends, it's not hard to manage a piece of toast.

Your lifestyle is extremely limiting, which probably gets boring very quickly for someone.

Having a day out where there's only processed food on offer would be a no no, a breakfast in bed day every now and again is a no no, a quick stop for food at a services on way home from a long day out is a no no.

It would get super tedious very quickly.

@Cockmigrant Since when do's Flexible mean she has to eat the same??