To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

almost everything a parent does is cringeworthy to a teen.
See it from her point of view. See it from her friends' point of view.
Keep it for yourself

When I was growing up ( I'm 58 now) my father wanted an "all over" tan. He used to make very tiny swimwear. Like a modern speedo , but smaller. He would wear it when sunbathing. He would also sunbathe nude. We used to shout " I'm coming out dad" so he could out a towel over his genitals. There was nothing overtly sexual about it , he was just vain. Bloody awful as a teen I'm afraid. My dad was my dad, mowing the lawn, helping with my maths homework. Not parading around , caring what he looked like. You are a woman. You are allowed to feel that you are a sexual being as well as someone's mum. Your daughter doesn't need to be aware of any part of that side of you. It doesn't matter what you have been through. That is a separate thing, and well done for navigating it all, but children never need to see moody shots of their parents, ever.

No one ever looks ‘sensual’ in these pics. They just look silly and old fashioned. I don’t even need to see the pictures to tell you that.

Consent is a two way street. It is an ongoing conversation, and is not something that should be ‘talked round’. It sounds very much - based on your posts here- like you would try and ‘talk her round’ with regards to your daughter if she didn’t give her consent to see ‘sensual’ (lol) photos of her mother. Let alone anyone else who wanders into your house! what about their consent? No one wants to see their mother or their friends mother or ANYONE they haven’t explicitly agreed to looking ‘sensual’. Sex is great. Having a healthy sex life is something to be encouraged and celebrated. Just keep it private between yourself and your consenting partners.

Boudoir shoots have to be the cringiest thing going. Your DD doesn't want to see that.

It also sends an appalling message to a 13yo girl - that self worth and empowerment is tied up in presenting yourself for the male gaze (no woman would want photos of herself in sexy lingerie if we lived in a vaccuum.) Model empowerment to her in better ways.

'I don’t actually want anyone else to see them. I doubt I will share them with a sexual partner for a long time. I want to see them. I value them because they show me as desirable. Now over the last decade and a bit I have had a baby, had and overcome a horrible health scare and undignified gynae treatment for it, recovered, dealt with the fact I can’t have more children, escaped a toxic relationship and fended off the then-abusive ex, dragged it through courts to get anything, raised an ND child (who didn’t sleep) single handedly (so far), kept a professional career going, then set up and run a business that fit around school to keep us, moved a hundred miles to a new area and got settled, administered an estate, got an ND child diagnosed and supported, bought a house, renovated it and am now setting about finding an adult social life, a partner and a new career. I’m an absolute badass.'

@Notgoingononlyfansyet

Fucking good for you OP. (Genuinely, not being sarc) Good on you. Just hang them in your room and be proud. So many prudes on here making up a narrative that you're trying to make your 13 year old DD keep a secret when you've repeatedly said you're not.

If you were stark bollock naked that's one thing. Tasteful empowering images that you're proud of. It's art! People hang art on the walls all the time. The only difference is you're in it!

Hang them in your room, install a lock so you get some privacy / it's a non communal area. My mum (still has) underwear pictures of her from her modelling days in the downstairs loo at her house. I've never felt awkward. NONE and I mean, none of my friends have ever noticed or commented. If they have noticed they've never said and they were always coming round as a kid. Adults do adult things. Some people on here are such prudes!

I didn't realise those photoshoots were still a thing! Honestly op it's great that it's given you confidence but you can have the pictures in an album or frame in your bedside drawer to look at - it really doesn't need to be displayed for your daughter to see does it? You can say it's not sexual but it is - you're in your underwear looking seductively at the camera and posing. No one apart from you and any sexual partners are going to want to see that.

@Notgoingononlyfansyet
“We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!”

This is the most important part I’m taking away from your OP -

”I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age.”

Your initial thoughts are right. Go with that. Please don’t put this on your 13 year old daughter.
It’s great your photos have made you feel fabulous about yourself but it isn’t fair to display them in your home you share with a teenager.

Actually - another thought - have you shown your daughter the photos yet?
(Maybe choose one which is the least, ah, um… “overtly sensual”)
Her initial gut response on seeing them will tell you all you need to know I’m sure!

Go to night school and get a certificate for plumbing. Put that on the wall instead. You would both be better off thinking that was more valuable than a sexy photo of you. And I think you might need to talk to a therapist because your posts make it sound like you have a lot of unresolved stuff around your own family, your ex, and where you get your self esteem.

The Beckhams did a sexy shoot years ago. All raunchilly rolling around on car bonnets. They had 3 young boys by then. The shots were obviously very expensive and styled etc. I seem to remember that the general consensus was " dear god no, put it away".

Sounds as if you’re going to do it anyway.

Regardless of how it might appear to your daughter or her friends. Regardless of the ridicule it might expose her to. Regardless of the fact that in todays age of course anyone can take a quick pic of it and it might go right round the school.

glad you have pics that you like, but wait a few years until she leaves home before sticking them up.

There's spitefulness seeping through all these women kicking you down. Saying you're cringy, vain, tacky, silly, old fashioned.

Nasty.

I wonder what the posters would look like in underwear saying those things to you. There's a whiff of jealousy on this thread. Some of you PP could really do with a bit of self confidence than kicking the OP down when she has confidence of her own.

Nobody on the planet wants to see someone else's 'boudoir' pictures.

Apart from dirty old men of course.

This is exactly how I feel about it. Of all the things OP has achieved and is good at, it’s odd that being “smoking hot” in underwear is the one she’s most keen to display.

I would hang it in your room. It's your bedroom. She can stay out of there.

This sums it up perfectly.

Actually this has prompted another memory. My old boss had had a shoot done. Not boudoir as such but lots of big hair, Smokey eyes, soft focus etc. she had a number of them up on the wall in her home which we all saw at a party she had.She looked great in them in many ways, but my god did we laugh about them for a LONG time in the office.

she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room

Absolutely not then! It's one thing displaying it where your DD might see it but please don't put it where her friends will see it.

I’m asking her to respect my privacy. On something in MY BEDROOM

Something "in your bedroom" that all her friends would see. Not very private is it?

If you want to display something like that and have your privacy respected, find a spot that can't be seen by other people.

Firstly, well done for getting your mojo back!
Secondly, what about displaying a picture on the back of your bedroom door? That would be pretty private unless someone were to enter the room and close the door behind them, which seems less likely.
Sorry if others have suggested that already, I didn't rtft

You can hope your daughters friends don't see it/ take a picture of it. Sadly , when they are in her room and need the loo, it takes a matter of seconds to walk along the landing and take a picture of it. Once it's out there she will be the subject of absolute ridicule. If she is ND life will be harder anyway. Don't make it excruciating.

Why is jealousy always trotted out when women disagree? If you’ve read this thread, then you’ve read lots and lots of good, reasoned arguments as to why this is a bad idea, but you still think that a woman hanging ‘sensual’ photos of herself is important enough to risk her relationship with her child. Where does jealousy come in? Anyone can be made to look sexually attractive in those photos. It’s really no achievement, and nothing to be jealous of. And why is it so prized?

I have lots of confidence, thanks very much. I look Officially OK in my underwear, as well (same as anyone really, some nice bits of my body, some bits I’d choose to change if given a magic wand). I still think boudoir shoots are old fashioned, embarrassing and silly. Hope that helps!

Why would I be jealous? Of what? I could have a boudoir photoshoot if I wanted to and display the pictures!! Doesn't mean I think it's alright to have them up on the walls where her daughter and friends will be seeing them.

How about a wall mounted digital photo frame. You could keep it switched off or showing something innocuous when there are visitors in the house.

https://oneclearwinner.co.uk/product/large-wall-mounted-digital-photo-frame/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkY3bjY62gQMVBLLtCh1ffQZsEAAYASAAEgLG5_D_BwE

My mum had something like this in her bedroom - it was very tasteful and she looked amazing (I think she still has it in her bedroom now). My friends also saw it aged around 10/11 and the only comments were ‘wow is that your mum, she looks like a model’ (although this was almost 30 years ago so there was no question of anyone taking photos or posting to social media!) Also, it was never a ‘secret’ or something that we talked about - just mum looking pretty in a photo.

Yeah the jealousy thing is nonsense. When someone is really confident in their body, they don't need sexy pictures to empower or validate themselves. They just glance in the mirror after taking a shower.