To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

I think this. Asking a child to keep secrets is a slippery slope. And totally agree with you it’s similar to wearing a bikini but assume you’re not putting up photos of yourself in said bikini?

13???
no WAY. If hee friends saw it you’d be on tik tok or snap chat faster than you could blink!!!

Yeah, put it in the en suite. Would you want to see your own parents similar photos? If not I think you have your answer. Great that you’ve done it and don’t let it stop you in any way with the dating but these things rarely come off well to others.

Exactly. Her need not to be exposed to sexual images of you isn’t something to balance against your wish to feel “badass” by displaying those images.

Maybe having that up in your room will embarrass her so much that she'll stay out of there and ensure the door remains closed whenever her friends are around.

I actually had a friend whose mum had a topless pic from her modelling days on the fridge, just a small one among a million other pics. My friend was older though (an adult) and smug as fuck about the fridge pic because she’d clearly inherited her model mum’s six foot tall, eight stone wringing wet but with a great rack figure. I think if my friend had been younger, less sure of herself or had her mum been a) single or b) not a model it would have been quite a different story.

im also in the no camp. I find it very disturbing you’re so enthralled with your heavily edited image you want to look at it so much, and appear angry with your own child you shouldn’t.

take it out at night and sit and stare at it if you must, but no, it’s heavily edited , posed and an overtly sensual photo of you, keep it private.

My friend's mum had these photos on her wall when she was a teenager. She too was very proud of how much of a "badass" she was. She was a mature student and the photos involved her in her underwear and a graduation gown.
My friend was mortified. We thought she was a raging narc.

I think it’s great the pictures have made you feel confident and I understand your want to display them. If your door could be kept closed all the time then go for it but if the dogs go in and out and the door is left open then I’d maybe wait until she’s older.

If you chat to her about them and why you want to display them then I’m sure she will understand but I guess it’s the other people who won’t- any of her friends that come into the house. It’s your home and you should display anything you want but maybe check in with your daughter first and see what she thinks.

There are many, many excellent posts on here, but this is the most spot on:

'The biggest worry is the message you're sending to a 13 year old girl that looking, feeling, being sensual/sexy is not just 'empowering', but such a sought after kind of empowering that it needs special 'private but publicly affirmed' pictures to celebrate it. Complete internalisation of and orientation to male gaze, male desire and the sexual approval of another person. There is nothing whatsoever empowering about that.'

In your bedroom? Fine! Tell her about it.

Just don’t move it to the living room when the vicar comes to tea/when DD brings friends/boyfriends over. And if you ever do ‘Come Dine With Me’, hide it.

How will you feel when the message of 'empowerment ' you are sending leads to your daughter opening an Any Fans account?
Empowerment is nothing to do with looking 'sexy'.

Would you like to see your mum's 'sensual' side?

Exactly. It’s really inappropriate. It’s really hard to understand why all of your reasons for wanting to hang the picture up trump your daughter’s discomfort if you do so.

I had a shoot last year. It made me feel amazing. Your thread has made me go and look again at my shoot. I still look smoking! 100% done for me to enjoy. And I do! No man to share them with.

I started an AMA thread about my shoot, but I got it pulled as so many people on there were so rude and judgemental. I was called all sorts of names. I started the thread as the shoot made me feel on top of the world, and I needed a bit of courage to go through with it myself. I wanted to give other women like me that courage and push that they could do it too. Didn't quite work out that way!

I say all that to point out MN is really not a boudoir shoot friendly place.

In your case, I wouldn't put a picture up. My daughter does all of those things too, like in and out of my room, sees me naked. But that shoot is a side of me I don't want her to see. It's a side that revels in my sensuality. That's not for a daughter to see.

It's the same reason I keep my vibe in a drawer, not on the bedside table. She knows all this stuff about me happens, but I still want to keep it secret from her. If she wants to discuss it, that's fine, but I'm not going to put it out there for discussion.

While she's still learning to respect my privacy, I'm going to keep things private.

Wait until she's left home then knock yourself out.

I’m fine with my mother having sex. She’s an adult, why wouldn’t I be? I don’t want to witness it. I don’t want to discuss it in any detail with her, the way I might with a really close friend. But in general and in passing, sure she mentions it all the time. But she has very, very different privacy values to me, and would tell (or even show) people I wouldn’t choose to share it with without a thought. I’ll probably tell her, but I’ll have to be explicit about who she can share it with (ie no one). Growing up, my family had loads of risqué fancy dress parties and silly panto and stuff. But I KNEW it was just playful. There was no suggestion of actual sex, just silliness and flirting. I’ve seen my mum dressed as all sorts of naughty nuns and the like.

Ok this goes a long way to explaining why your boundaries are so off on this.

By the handle I expect.

With dogs you often have to either get the round knob type of door handle or turn the handle upside down.

I'd either shuffle the wall decor to put it on a less visible wall and I'd fix the door to the dogs can't push them. It's just not appropriate to have something that others will find uncomfortable on display, even in your room unless the door is shut.

By the way it's not the lock is the strike that needs replacing

Boudoir photos are not the same as the other things you mentioned. Anyone can be made to look sexy in these photos with expertly applied makeup, clothes and props. They aren’t an achievement.

It's great that these photos have made you feel amazing.

But by displaying one and letting teenagers see it, you're setting yourself (and your daughter) up to be laughed at and made fun of, which will undo all that the photos have done for you.

I started an AMA thread about my shoot

Sorry I missed that.

I could have told you free exactly how that would have gone down.

But then surely I am entitled to have things I share with family members, and no further

But you are saying your daughter's friends will see the pictures as they come in and out of her room? It wouldn't be fair to tell her that suddenly they're not allowed to do that. Surely it can't be difficult to find a space to put the picture where they won't see it?

I'm sorry you were made to feel shit. People on here really can be dicks at times, myself included.

Absolutely not. You did ask for polite replies and this is as polite as I can manage.

You asked in your post if its tacky and it really is. Unbelievably tacky.

I really think inviting your kid to participate in a secret around your sex life is off the chart tacky.

Not only because of this, I just think boudoir pictures are hideously naff.