To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

Our neighbour had one and my kids still cringe when they talk about it over ten years later . However , “proud and empowering “ you feel these photos are keep them for your own eyes . Don’t let your daughter be humiliated for your own vanity .

Spot on

"It demonstrates an untapped potential I had no idea I could be capable of" unless you are speaking of selling your services I have no idea what you are talking about

I grew up with a mother who sounds very much like you and in our upstairs bathroom there was a very sensual painting of her completely naked lying on the beach (all bits covered though). I am not ND, grew up with many friends but could never relax when they were at my house for fear one of them might use that bathroom rather than the downstairs one. I never got to have mates hang out in my room as a result.

It’s great that you want to display your “badass” self but I really don’t see why you can’t either just hang it on the back of your bedroom door or have it in a small frame by your bedside table that no one’s going to see unless they are an invited guest into your bedroom.

You’ve fully rationalised it for yourself and I think you’re set on displaying them so not sure why the question.

Would I do it? No. Teenagers can understand secrets vs privacy of course but accidents happen (“I think I left that thing in my Mum’s room, come with me (friend) to get it… oh oops you’re not allowed in here”) or morbid curiosity (however you rationalise the photo to her it IS likely she’ll think about it a lot, why you took it, who sees you like that, when she’ll look like that etc and it’s not unlikely she’d share it in a weak moment with a friend to see what they think / show off or even embarrass you if she’s mad at you that day).

I wasn’t allowed I friend’s parents bedrooms and they weren’t allowed in mine. It was 50/50 whether we actually stuck to it, especially when parents were out. Of course we all shared secrets about our parents too. Being a teenager is a confusing time and expecting her to behave fully rationally at all times regarding your privacy is probably too much.

Ewww no. Sorry but it's weird. I can't imagine having had a deliberately sexy photo of my mum on the wall when I was a kid. That's messed up, sorry.
I'm glad you feel empowered by looking sexy but no one else needs to see it.

It's not a message I'd want to be giving my daughter either.

Good GOD no ...

Most people do not want to see the 'sensual\ side of their parents, regardless of age.

It's not about how much of your body is covered or that you wear less at the beach or she sees you naked all the time. It's about the side of you that the photos convey, which she does not want to see.

Put it on the inside of your wardrobe door if you need to see it. Don't rub it in your teenage daughter's face. She'll probably move out in a few years anyway and then you can do what you want.

OP, for what it’s worth. I’m male so you might discredit my opinion on this matter anyway.
I grew up with fairly liberal parents and seeing my parents naked was normal.

But there were things that weren’t normal, but I never realised until I got older and by then some damage was done. I had exposure to adult sexuality which I shouldn’t have, but it never occurred to my parents that this was in any way inappropriate because they were too focused on their own needs.

I appreciate that this might not comparable to a racy photograph in the bedroom, but that was the feeling I got when I read your posts. Of course I never told anyone, because I thought it was normal even though it wasn’t.

Your bedroom should be off limits for your daughter’s friends but it won’t be forever. Once she has her first party without you there you will have some revels wandering into off limit rooms. And believe me, they probably won’t find the picture sensual but will laugh, and it will be your daughter who has to suffer the consequences. I don’t believe for one minute that you don’t have any other space in the bedroom which would not be visible once the door is opened. Time to think about who you want to prioritise here, your daughter or yourself.

She is fully aware that a secret is something someone else pressures her to keep about herself.

That is not a valid definition of a secret. There are harmful secrets that should be not be kept even if they don’t directly affect a child. This picture is not one of them but I don’t think you are clear on the distinction and you can’t expect an ND thirteen year old to be either.

I agree with you that there is a difference between privacy and secrecy but it concerns me that you have created your own definition of a secret.

Her mates will RIP THE PISS. Plus take a photo. Nothing sadder

You want to display this thing and stop your daughter from ever inviting friends up to hang out in her room?
Save it for yourself. No one else, aside from maybe sexual partners, wants to see it. It's not empowering, it is self absorbed and cringe inducing.

I think it’s really sad and quite depressing that after all of the achievements you listed (which are undoubtedly impressive), you still place so much valuable on being desirable to men and that being considered “sexy” through the male lens is what’s given you this big confidence boost. That’s not a message I’d be sending my daughter.

But the big issue is that this is an overtly sexualised image that you are forcing upon your child without her consent. She can’t consent, can she? Being a child. Choosing to euphemistically say “sensual” doesn’t change the reality. You’ve obviously experienced some kind of sexual reawakening, or this big boost of confidence related to your sexuality, and that is not something you should be involving your child in. It’s very wrong. You're there to protect her from things like this, not involve her in your sex life (remember that your sex life does not just pertain to relationships, but to your own private sexuality). Tell your girlfriends and show them the photos, if they want to see them. Keep them in a private album and look at them all the time. But if you aren’t prepared to lock your bedroom door or take steps to prevent your child from seeing the photos then it’s not OK to display them on the wall.

And in response to all the ridiculous comments about “would you have an issue with a woman in a bikini at the beach?” 🙄 No, I wouldn't even care if she was naked. Because the issue is not with the female body and the female body does not exist purely for male sexual gratification - imagine genuinely not being able to see the difference. Misogyny is mind-blowing. Women swimming, sunbathing, playing with their kids etc, totally normal and fine. Women writhing around on the sand, posing in a sexualised way, all very "male lens" overtly "sexy" stuff? Very much not OK to involve myself and my kids in, thank you very much.

Your boundaries are all over the place. Long inconsistent justifications, hopefully not reflected in chats with DD. Proposed ban of DD's friends from her room upstairs, instead of simply keeping DD and dogs out and the door closed/locked in your own bedroom.

The biggest worry is the message you're sending to a 13 year old girl that looking, feeling, being sensual/sexy is not just 'empowering', but such a sought after kind of empowering that it needs special 'private but publicly affirmed' pictures to celebrate it. Complete internalisation of and orientation to male gaze, male desire and the sexual approval of another person. There is nothing whatsoever empowering about that.

If empowerment is your goal, a genuine celebration of women's power, capability, and resilience; of women's bodies in all their seasons; then whip off your clothes next time you're fitting a kitchen, and take some candid snaps in unflattering contortions. Next time you're cleaning up dog mess in the middle of the night. Next time you're working through the Freedom Programme. That's real.

There are two likely responses from your daughter. One, she cringes, shrinks within herself, is made to feel uncomfortable in her own home, and with having friends in her home. Two, at some point, she and her friends internalise the message you're teaching them, and start to experiment with looking overtly sexy to the male gaze. They imititate what you have done with makeup and costume and props, they send sexy pictures to each other, then to boys, and ultimately aim to have them displayed online and affirmed by others. After all, that is what you will have taught them.

a hat and a book. Some pearls

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sorry OP but absolutely no one is going to be shown your sexy pictures by your dogs and think ‘wow, bloody great that Charlotte’s mum still has that side of herself despite having a job and moving house once’. They will at best think ‘Jesus Christ I was just trying to get to the toilet and now I’m in Amsterdam and while we’re at it why’s she got a fucking hat on?’ And that’s before they actually get time to think about it properly.

OP, going off your username and purely out of interest, I'm curious to know if doing OnlyFans is something that you are considering?

Surely, rather than the paragraphs and paragraphs of complicated naval gazing you're doing here, the main question you should ask yourself is, would YOU want to see YOUR mum's boudoir shots?

I wouldn't. I wouldn't have an issue with her doing that. She's gone on about how 'fat' she is my entire life so the idea of her doing something that makes her feel good about herself is great. I wouldn't want to actually see it though. And I certainly wouldn't want my friends to.

I think it would be potentially very permanently damaging for you to do this. You are asking for consent and privacy for your daughter, but not giving her the same respect. And ultimately involving your daughter in your sex life, and asking her to keep that from others. It is a huge safeguarding issue, you should not do this to your DD.

i wouldnt display it as you are concerned anyway and as DD gets older you might feel more uncomfortable if seen by her friends.

My friend displayed one on her stairs so anyone using her loo would see it which was a little cringy. its great its given you such confidence though.

You could have the photos put into a hard back photobook for your bedside table.

No, in this situation you don’t need to balance each of your needs, hers come first. And her needs include not being subjected to your ’sensual’ side.

Seeing you naked is absolutely fine. Healthy even, as long as she is comfortable. It is absolutely not comparable with seeing you posed ‘sensually’ in underwear. That’s sexual, no matter how empowered it makes you feel (and honestly, I’m really glad you have been able to see yourself in that way. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time and deserve that boost).

Compare it to a relationship. My children see me kiss and hug their dad, that’s fine. But it would be inappropriate for me to start ‘sensually’ kissing or touching him in front of them… even if we had the same amount of clothes on. The intent is different, and that makes a huge difference.

When viewing a house the owner had one of these hanging on a wall downstairs, it was really cringy and it was a topic of conversation between me and my dh for a while, I can only imagine what teens would think of it.

It's great this has inspired you, but in this case it's better to keep it off display.

Could you have it made into an A5 size and have it in a frame on your dressing table, that way you could put it away when your dd has visitors?

Sorry, I don't like it. I used to love boudoir stuff, but now I'm a mum I feel an obligation to teach my child that theirs (and others) worth isn't based on appearance. And I think a boudoir shoot does the opposite. I think this message it's multiplied by a million if your child is a teenage girl.
Up to you if you don't agree with that though.

I really can’t understand some people’s reactions! It doesn’t sound like they are particularly explicit or pornographic? I remember going to a restaurant and my son was about 8/9 and in the gents there were loads of boudoir style photos. He was slightly baffled by it but also amused. It hasn’t scarred him. Similarly if he went to his mates house and came home
saying their mum had a saucy photo in her room the first thing I’d ask is why were you in her bedroom? But other than that I’d probably think good for her, bet she looks fantastic… There’s nothing perverted or dangerous about it at all! Depending on your daughter’s age you do run the risk of kids coming round just to gawp at it and tell everyone else and having some teenagers giggle behind your back so maybe think about taking it down if you’ve got a house full.

i really wouldn’t worry about it. I think it’s weirder how disturbed a bunch of strangers are about it given the only thing they know about you is you go on dates and want to put up a boudoir pic.

You clearly feel strongly about it so I would just display the photo in the least conspicuous possible place.

Not the point of the thread but you can probably get dog litter trays (if the dog goes in your garden overnight, presumably you still need to clear it up and at least this way you would get getter sleep).

It’s 💯 not for a boyfriend (so far neither have come here. Obviously a serious one would. And I’d reevaluate then) It’s not even the sexiness. I think I’d feel the same about scaling Kilimanjaro or landing an aeroplane because the pilot fell ill. Sure, people do it. But I don’t think I ever will. They show something I had no idea I had in me. It’s what they represent that’s important. (But the sexiness means I don’t want just anyone to see them!)