To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

With a teen daughter in the home? Absolutely not.

I'm just trying to imagine my mum doing that when I was your daughters age and I'd have been mortified, especially with friends coming round and seeing it.

Put it in your wardrobe or a small one on your bedside cabinet if you must; but not in a place where it'll inevitably be seen.

I'm glad you've found something to make you feel powerful and sexy - but keep it for you. Your daughter doesn't need to see it!

Her seeing you in swimwear on the beach is not the same thing at all.

Because I would like to make a carefully considered decision that balances both our needs, as I always do. and because I’m genuinely interested in people’s views and I like to form an opinion based on a wide range of information. If thetr is drama, I don’t think it’s fair to pin it on me. Pontificating, yes. Its very interesting. So far I’m getting a lot of emotion and reaction, and when I have responded to points with my reasons I’ve got more emotion, and been pretty roundly insulted, sometimes in opposing directions. I’m really interested in exploring why people feel so strongly about something I haven’t yet done, or committed to do. I’m happy to be wrong, based on things I haven’t thought of or facts I didn’t know.

At the moment, I’m leaning strongly towards NOT displaying the photograph. This is a very heavily emotive thread and I think it’s a useful debate. I’m interested in WHY this is a problem, and how that sits with a young girl developing her sexuality in a hyper sexualised society. Where it’s totally safe and acceptable for her to see strangers in much more sexual poses and clothes outside the home or on TV. But not someone she trusts inside her home, because related. And somehow simultaneously not ok for her friends to see it in someone else’s home. Because…..not related. It seems so inconsistent. THIS IS HYPOTHETICAL. Before I get accused of trying to abuse other people’s children. Again. With a photograph I don’t yet have, no one else has seen (and is therefore making huge assumptions about) and was asking IF it was unreasonable to display, and why. ‘If’ isn’t in doubt. ‘Why’, I’d like to explore more.

I’m as prudish as they come but as long as it’s confined to your bedroom I don’t see an issue. It’s just being body positive. It’s not for me but I can see why some like it.

No one apart from dd should be coming into your bedroom anyway.

Because she wanted to?

Who made you thread police? Don’t post if you think it’s drama, it’s no loss to OP I’m sure.

I have a teen boy not a girl but I can tell you he would cringe his soul right out of his body if I had a 'boudoir' picture anywhere he could see it. It would make him absolutely furious if there was ever a chance one of his friends could see it. It wouldn't be fair or kind to expose him to my 'sexy' side in such an overt way. Don't do it. Put them in an album you keep under your bed and flick through when you want a boost but not on your wall!

OP I think it's brilliant all that you've achieved and you definitely earned the badass title.
You're right to be considering your daughter too. I think if she was 18/20 then hang it where you said on the upstairs landing- she'd feel cringe and eye roll but probably shrug it off with a 'mum is so weird' or something.
Age 13- Id be worried it's a very big statement for her to be seeing numerous times a day in a prominent position at a significant time in her own personal development.
You know the reasons you want to display it but she hasn't lived your experience and to her the message could be totally different.
Id have it as a smaller pic on your bedside table, or hang a bigger print on the inside of your wardrobe door, so you see it every day but she does only occasionally.
Then to her it's not a big capital letters statement but more of a btw reminder about another side of you.

The same person who made you thread police, apparently.

What’s it to you what I post? Ignore it if you don’t like it. It’s no loss to me - I’m sure.

This probably isn’t a popular opinion but particularly given that you’re dating rather than in a secure LT relationship, I’d say putting this up at a time when you are “exploring” and she is just starting to develop her own understanding of how couples work and what they do … could risk some quite unhealthy associations.

It’s great you find it empowering, but what if it means that she grows up thinking that it’s expected of her as it’s something mummy did… and what else could that lead to in terms of her taking or sharing pictures that she might not otherwise want to?

I don’t think it would be very easy for her to understand it was something you did for yourself, not for the men who are coming in and out of your life as you look for a partner. You’d find it difficult to convince me as well tbh but that’s not the point.

I’ll probably get slammed for saying it, but I just think it’s an age where you have to be really careful about the messages you’re giving, often unintentionally.

no one wants to know what someone else does in the bedroom quite honestly, especially if it’s their own parents.

Absolute No - cringe 😬

Honestly it’s great you’ve got so much out of it but I wouldn’t assume everyone else would enjoy it.. if you must hang it up put it in your bedroom. If I was a guest and saw it I would find it really cringey actually maybe a bit awkward and I agree with pp’s don’t put it anywhere your daughters friends will see it!!!!

I’m cringing on your behalf. Don’t do this 😆😆

Actually I do not know the age of your daughter but she will become a woman soon. She will learn about sex and sensuality. She will be entering into a very male dominated world where women are objects for men...not themselves. I think it is great that it made you feel empowered. I think that as long as she is mature enough to receive this message the knowledge of sensuality and recognition of ones own beauty could be a game changer. When all her friends are trying to dress to impress the boys your education on this subject could mean that she understands her body is HER body. I would hang it somewhere her friends can't see as this is your private triumph. Girl power!

Just to highlight what perhaps has been missed (haven't rtft, cardinal sin I know), all the other things you mention, the business, recovering from Illness, carpentry, raising your daughter alone, I think most people would find FAARR more desirable than looking cracking in a pair of pants (though no doubt you do! 😁)

As far as modelling healthy relationships goes, modelling emotional intelligence is generally deemed more important as the assumption follows that consensual and respectful in public follows through to intimacy, there's no need to go above and beyond a platonic hug in front of a teenager!

I think you have every right to display it in your own room, it's your space after all!

I find it slightly unbelievable that out of the four walls in your room, the absolute only place is the wall opposite the door.

Even accounting for a window, the door to the ensuite and the wardrobe, there surely must be a place somewhere in your room that isn’t viewable from the door.

It’s concerning that your daughter, at the age of only 13, would be subjected to seeing you in a blatantly sexual pose.

Surely, instead of wanting your daughter to find her own sexuality through a photograph of you, you would rather she found her sexuality in the way that most people do - that is through age appropriate dating, that follows hand holding, kissing etc?

My other concern is that you don’t seem to be fazed by other children seeing this photograph, beyond “they may take photographs”. Trust me, that is the least of your concerns!

You would be wilfully exposing other children to your semi-nude, sexually charged photographs and all you can say is that they what?

Can’t go upstairs to use the bathroom?

Can’t go upstairs to your daughter's bedroom (something quite normal when one child visits another)?

Can and must only stay in the reception room downstairs because your comfort and wants supersede your daughter’s?

What happens when a child visits your child, in the family home, sees the photograph, goes home and tells their parents? What do you envisage the outcome being?

At the very least, you need to warn the parents of your child’s friends that you have this photograph in your house, that it’s on display in your bedroom, a room that absolutely can never be locked because despite being this amazing and talented person (and no, I’m not being sarcastic, you are absolutely 💯 awesome, just reread your achievements) you are too forgetful to lock the door and so therefore, their child may or may not be subjected to semi-nude, sexually charged photographs of you! Good luck with that! But yes, you have to get permission from the parents so that they don’t end up with a nasty surprise when their child tells them about this photograph over the dinner/breakfast table.

You cannot say, hand on heart, that one of your daughter’s friends won’t see that photograph and from your own description of it, (plus the fact that you don’t want your mother, a woman who probably knows your naked body better than you, having seen it from birth till whatever age to see it), it’s really, really, really, not appropriate for anyone under the age of 18 to see!

Rearrange the bedroom, or get smaller picture for your bedside cabinet, your dressing table, heck, even the vanity in the ensuite.

But don’t ever subject a child to pictures like that, unless you’re happy to be investigated by the social services or the police.

The fact that your child is ND, means she really doesn’t view the world the way that everyone else does.

How do I know this?

I’m ND myself and the things that happen that I have to then ask my husband or a trusted friend about, you wouldn’t believe!

I find the world a strange and mysterious place most of the sometimes!

At 13, I wouldn’t have understood why this picture was not allowed to be discussed and would have needed someone to explain it quite expressly and clearly to me.

Why?

Because the content would have gone over my head, and I would quite happily have told my friends, my teachers, heck, everyone about it!

There were so many times I told people things and then got into trouble for telling them (usually things like a family member telling me something and then another family member asking me about the something and me telling them all about it, not realising that the first person wanted me to keep it a secret, usually because it was something that the first person would get into trouble over!).

So yes, ND people can be so good at keeping secrets and promises because well, we’re ND, but we need it spelled out to us why we need to keep the secret or promise.

Is that a conversation that you want to have with your daughter?

How would that go?

What does that look like?

“DD, I’m putting this picture up in my room, but you mustn’t tell anyone because it’s a sexualised photo of me, looking sensual, that other children or family members mustn’t ever see”.

Please @Notgoingononlyfansyet , don’t do this. And btw, I thought from your username that you might be thinking of going on the Only Fans site. I’m pretty sure you’re not, but just in case, please don’t do that either! And in my defence, it’s because of the “yet” in the name!

We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it!

I’m quite struck by the inconsistency between this and your desire to display the photo in a place where, you expect it to be seen.

It’s too much responsibility to place on a young teen to expect her to police her friends.

But why are you allowed to express your feelings about this photo, but she is prevented from expressing hers?

I’m not trying to be unkind - I think there’s something for you to explore and unpick because your thoughts are more complex on this issue than you’re acknowledging to yourself.

I think there’s also a line between what’s appropriate to share with our dc and what should be kept for our peers. My dm showed me her lingerie collection when I was a teen. I knew about sex, of course, but it was uncomfortable and a sort of gaslighting to be placed in a position where I had to be cool about it. It was something she should have shared with her friends or sister and was part of a long running pattern in our relationship. There are many things that shouldn’t be shared with children - I’m spending a fortune in therapy figuring that out.

At a minimum I’d consider hanging it on the back of the bedroom door.

I don’t feel more complete. And I don’t feel empowered. I felt neither incomplete nor disempowered before. It demonstrates an untapped potential I had no idea I could be capable of. And that reminds me of all the other things I don’t yet know I’m capable of and might just excel at with some support. I feel similarly about the sink. Except I knew I needed a sink, and I was pretty sure I could figure it out. Imagine dragging in water from the well for a decade because you knew no other way and then messing about with pipes for a laugh one afternoon and discovering you had suddenly running water. That’s how it feels. And I have to do other challenging things and now I feel better about trying. I suppose I could have a picture of the sink but that would be weirder! 🤣

I’m fine with my mother having sex. She’s an adult, why wouldn’t I be? I don’t want to witness it. I don’t want to discuss it in any detail with her, the way I might with a really close friend. But in general and in passing, sure she mentions it all the time. But she has very, very different privacy values to me, and would tell (or even show) people I wouldn’t choose to share it with without a thought. I’ll probably tell her, but I’ll have to be explicit about who she can share it with (ie no one). Growing up, my family had loads of risqué fancy dress parties and silly panto and stuff. But I KNEW it was just playful. There was no suggestion of actual sex, just silliness and flirting. I’ve seen my mum dressed as all sorts of naughty nuns and the like. I think I was about 14 when I first went to see the Rocky horror picture show. Dressed up. With my mum and a ton of other family. There was no suggestion of abuse. Ever. None. Full. Stop.

I know it’s a different world now. I’m not suggesting those values are applied. But I’m
not squicked out about my mum having a fulfilling sex life, and many others are. I wonder who is the better adjusted? And I wonder if introducing teens gradually to the idea that enjoying sex as part of a healthy relationship (NOT exposing them to it or flaunting it) in the relationship all children see as their first model relationship- ie their parents- is more healthy than this quite puritan attitude of hiding it shamefully away. Perhaps if parents were a little more open that it’s normal and healthy between them as adults, teens would be quite so uncomfortable with it? I’m not saying anyone should. I’m just floating a theory. (I‘ve decided against the picture for the moment, but this isn’t why)

The Why for me is

It's in my control.

I dont feel empowered by "looking sexy" as in, something a man wants to shag.

It's in the same category as porn, tv and other media which misrepresents realistic expectations in the bedroom - the subversive message she will get reinforces pop culture that women do and should dress up like that in the bedroom.

It falls into the same patriarchy lie women have been told about sex for money being empowering, working full time and being a full time housewife and mum being achievable...ultimately however you feel about the photo, deep down it's because, as you say, you "feel smoking hot"...so attractive to men. I'd rather focus on educating my daughter about real women and real sex rather than projecting the idea of sex actually being sexy when its supposed to be fun.

Goodness me, what a lot of words.

You didn’t give your DD’s age in your OP. Thirteen should be old enough to understand the difference between privacy and secrecy but let’s be clear, ‘don’t tell Grandma’ is secrecy. You will need to be doubly careful with this message with a ND child.

Good luck to you.

I'm glad they make you feel good about yourself.

Have you got a picture of yourself doing/ achieving something not looks based you can display for your daughter to see? I'm not sure a boudoir shot is particularly aspirational for a young woman to be honest.

The grooming suggestions are a bit OTT.

I might have missed this but what has your daughter said? Ultimately it’s her that would be embarrassed so surely she gets a say. You might not mind your daughter seeing you as a sexual being but she might not be keen.

I do think it’s weird to keep it from certain people though. If you’re proud of it, you should be proud of it. If you’re uncomfortable about some people seeing it and can’t control access, then don’t display it.

This is a very heavily emotive thread and I think it’s a useful debate. I’m interested in WHY this is a problem, and how that sits with a young girl developing her sexuality in a hyper sexualised society

If you haven't yet been able to discern the answer to the "why" question from some of the very intelligent and thoughtful responses you've been given so far, you're never going to be able to.

Nobody, absolutely nobody wants to see their mum looking smoking hot in a bra and brazilian pants giving come-hither eyes to camera.

Just no!

“It demonstrates an untapped potential I had no idea I could be capable of.”

What posing in your undies with bedroom eyes? I’m dying for you.

Capable of what, excelling at what, potential for what? Giving a 10/10 blow job?? Sorry I just don’t see the link, what might the photos be suggesting you could “excel” at?

You ok talk about modelling the first healthy relationship but I think the problem is you’re not in a relationship, what you’re modelling for me is the opposite, the things people will do to try to find a relationship? Which from a teens perspective is often framed around what you’re willing to do to attract a partner, or what you think they expect of you rather than what you want yourself.

tbh I also don’t understand half the references in your posts either… sinks..?? But that’s not the point of this thread.

This is an interesting thread as I have some of these boudoir type shots from about 10 years ago. I had them displayed in my bedroom when my children were toddlers (and I was single) purely because I loved the shots. Then had the room done so never put them up again. Reading this thread has made me think twice about putting them up. Children are 6 now.