To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

Seeing my body? Already happening. Knowing I have sex? She knows how she got here. Knowing mum is more than just mum? She knows I’m awesome.

How utterly ridiculous. You clearly can't get enough of yourself.

Overtly displaying sensual pictures where she can easily avoid them if she chooses seems long way from abusive to me.

You might have this view but the law doesn't.

Also, "sensual" is disingenuously coy. They are sexual.

You've got to be kidding.

If you must put it up then put a lock on your bedroom door, and stop making excuses about why you won't always remember to use it.

But then you swerved into helping your daughter embrace her own sexuality... 😱 quite apart from how weird that is, you really don't need to "help" her do that. She'll do it on her own when she's ready, not at 13 when her mum puts up an embarrassing photo.

OP - why did you start this thread?

You have zero interest in doing anything other than hanging photos of your - what was it? - ‘badass’ self.

Just do it then, for heaven’s sake! Why all the drama and pontificating?

I am asking her not to tell her friends, or people who are not trusted adults, for no reason

what’s wrong with you?

every Teen will want to discuss this with people because it’s weird. It will make her feel uncomfortable. It’s definitely not something teenagers will keep quiet about by default. Your perception of a trusted adult might not be hers - it’s like an abuse victim going to the perpetrator’s mates. No, you need to be comfortable with your teenager telling her head of year or school nurse about this.

Indeed and any teacher hearing this story would have to follow it up.

We've just done our annual safeguarding retraining. Sexual abuse includes causing a child to view sexual imagery. It's fairly clearcut regardless of the badassness of the photographed subject

No. You know DD is in and out of your room. You know the door will be left open. You know her friends might see it. Whatever your reasons are for loving those photos, they do not override the practicality. Your child will never ever want to see you in a sexual position and you really need to respect that. Your desire to look at a sexy photo of yourself is not more important than your child's right to not be exposed to that in her own home.

When she moves out, do whatever you want. But at the moment it's her home too.

The only way a boudoir shoot isn’t tacky is by keeping the pictures private, if it makes you feel empowered that is great.. but they’re designed to be intimate, sexy lingerie photos.. not really the type you hang on display.

Keep them tucked away in your bedroom and have a look through when you need a boost!

Set it up as your phone wallpaper instead.

You could hang it on the back of your bedroom door if it opens into the bedroom. There'd be no unavoidable sightings, her friends wouldn't see but you'd get to see it and experience the confidence boost.

I wouldn't have wanted to see photos of my mum looking desirable in a bra and Brazilian pants or for my friends to see

Just keep the photos privately hung in your bedroom. Issue with kids in the night, go onto the landing or front it out, you're not fucking naked posing with spread legs after all.
I get where you're coming from, I’m a groupie for one particular band, and one particular man. I have photos of us, me dressed skimpily (but nothing whatsoever on show etc) on my bedroom walls.
It's nothing offensive. I have an older child and she's not batted an eyelid.

Hang it on the back of your door. Then, if the door is opened, no one will see it. Alternatively, as the PP have said, in your wardrobe or if you have a private bathroom, in there.

Your DD doesn't deserve needing to explain it or the need to keep a secret.

You seem to have gone from wondering if it's appropriate to suggesting it's essential and positive to terms of your daughter's own development! (Which it's clearly not.)

FYI, from a safeguarding point of view, we teach children that no adult should ask them to keep a secret (distinguished from a surprise) and especially a secret that makes you uncomfortable.

Apart from this, which is significant on its own, do you think your empowerment trumps your daughter's need for complete comfort in her own home? As many have said, you don't need to display these to get the feel good factor from them.

Well, sadly you seem completely obsessed with how bad ass, beautiful and empowered you feel yourself to be, to the exclusion of your poor daughter's developmental well being. Nothing we say seems to be getting past the narcissistic wall you've built around your core identity. I can't think why you even bothered posting this thread, unless it was to brag that you're a sexy, liberated plumber. You're certainly not here to listen. (Oh good grief, now I have a mental image of SuperMario in drag doing boudoir shots. I need to go to sleep.)

There are numerous threads. All trying to normalise an adult exposing non-related, and sometimes related, DCs to inappropriate photography. You acknowledged your DD and her friends would be able to see it because <hand wavy bullshit> the dogs open the door/ you don't want a lock/ you can't hang the picture anywhere else except in the eyeline of the open door.

And if other teens go home and tell their parents they saw photos of an adult posing in their underwear, the outcomes will range from informing the school safeguarding lead, calling the police, contacting social services, being banned from visiting your DD.

The old stick the tag 'empowered' on it and all good, it plain weird

A colleague has an arty / sexy huge picture of herself pole dancing up in her bedroom/ office. She uses a background on calls but it’s been seen a few times when she’s got up or something and the background has disappeared for a minute. The amount of piss taking about this photo is unbelievable. She’s seen as desperate, cringey, etc. Pretty sure colleagues try and make her get up in meetings to see it for a laugh. Honestly don’t display it

No not at all, but it's not the same thing so not sure of the relevance?

I just wouldn't I would keep them until the kids have moved out then display solely in bedroom if you choose to

It’s a no from me but it seems like you’re not too interested in hearing peoples opinion so I’m not too sure why you posted?

Stick it in your wardrobe or have it as your background on your phone

How amazing for you. You will treasure the whole experience and the pictures forever.

The pictures will be just as wonderful on the bedroom wall when your daughter is over sixteen or if you change your living arrangemens so that the pictures are not automatically on view when you open the door.
The pictures are most valuable to you and should be admired from a private corner of your boudoir. Shared with intimate partners and soulmates if you so desire.
Boudoir means a private place to sulk and dream, dress and prepare for meeting the world.
I would worry about your daughter's friends and your daughter feeling comfortable to be open and honest to her friends and family.
You also don't want to influence how she expresses herself sensually when she starts any romantic relationships - that should be organic, innocent and lead by her own self in her own time.

I have no worries about your daughter being aware that you are a sensual being.

At thirteen imagination is reality so I would not ask your daughter to confront images of the real sexy you until she has a real choice as to whether she views it.
At aged sixteen to 20 your daughter will know more about romantic feelings and what she sees in your expression and she will be better placed to judge when or if she wants to view pictures of her Mum making eyes at lovers.

No, I wouldn’t display them. I had a childhood friend whose parents did something similar, it was weird and disturbing for a child to see and she hated iit. Not to mention the reaction from other parents who stopped their kids going round to her house to play. She still talks about it now.

Just seen your daughter is a teenager. That’s even worse. Don’t do it!

Could you put those renovation skills to good use and rearrange things to find literally any other bit of wall than the one that just so happens to be visible from the hallway when your dogs open the door to show visitors your room?