To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

Is there really nowhere you can put it in your bedroom that can’t be seen from the open door?

Do you have an ensuite you could put it in? Back of bedroom door?

No matter how ‘glamorous’ these pictures are, it’s super cringey for anyone coming to your house if they are put where you can see them.

Oh wow, that is hilarious.

So if she isnt in "presumably" risque clothing......what the hell is she wearing or doing?! Dropping her kebab in the bus shelter whilst being banged from behind by a bloke called Dave?!

There are many things I could say right now but the first is that you should look up the definition of "promiscuous" because it doesnt mean what you think it does!

Oh and my cousin put hers on FB,.....THAT is cringey....it was really awful. But on her bedroom wall that I might see going to the loo if the door had been accidentally opened.....not cringey at all. I would actually feel bad that I had seen something private that I was obviously not meant to see. I certainly wouldnt think badly of her if she had done that.

I'd hang it in my bedroom but no where else op . That's your private space and fine there but not for public consumption

Is there really no other wall space for it elsewhere in the bedroom?

It's good that it was such a positive experience. Maybe put them in a nice album that you can look through or show to a future boyfriend.

Sorry but you sound really precious over the wrong things. The backstory isn’t even necessary. Your post can be boiled down to:

you have a “tasteful” semi nude photo of yourself. Newsflash - so do the majority of adults, there’s nothing special about that photo. Most people are happy to keep those images hidden on their phone or buried deep under things instead of keeping them physically on display in their home for their kids to see.

its weird that you would consider this. It is awkward for children to see their parents in a sexual manner. They don’t need to see you in states of undress. They will think it is strange. Their friends will comment on it.

Find any other bedroom wall so her friends won't see and go for it. Your daughter should respect your privacy.

Wait have we time warped to 2008? 😵‍💫 I honestly didn’t know boudoir shots were still available.

No OP, I really wouldn’t do this. I get what you’re saying about privacy issues, but having 2 teenage daughters myself (also lone parent), it would seem that the privacy thing doesn’t really work both ways. My daughters frequently come into my bedroom - my mirror is better, they want to use the hairdryer, they want to cuddle up with me and watch a programme, they want to sit on my bed and chat. I like that they do that, personally. I wouldn’t want them to feel uncomfortable in doing those things because there’s a gert big photo of ‘sexy mama’ on the wall.

How comfortable are you thinking about your mother being sexy OP? And would you like to see photos of that?

Just don’t. I have two teens and I reckon they’d take it off the wall if I did this. It would be worse than cringey I think.

Adults showing DCs erotic/sensual photos and asking them to keep it secret ... hmm. That sounds exactly like grooming and abuse. I don't believe any responsible parent or adult would even consider it.
Boudoir pics had a 'moment' about a decade ago. I'm surprised there are enough places still doing them for the regularity of these threads.

I have photos of myself and friends at concerts wearing what could be akin to fetish wear: spiked bra, corset, tiny mini skirt and hold up stockings with pvc boots. I am alternative so DD is well used to how I dress but hasn't ever attended a concert with me yet, I'd go for a more chaste style if she was present. These photos are on the walls of my bedroom, no poses or anything, just friends dressed skimpily at concerts. You're not proposing to put them in the living room or near to the front door. Your bedroom is your own and you're not attempting to display porn star style photos. Your kids friends shouldn’t ever have any reason to enter your bedroom anyway.

I don’t actually want anyone else to see them. I doubt I will share them with a sexual partner for a long time. I want to see them. I value them because they show me as desirable. Now over the last decade and a bit I have had a baby, had and overcome a horrible health scare and undignified gynae treatment for it, recovered, dealt with the fact I can’t have more children, escaped a toxic relationship and fended off the then-abusive ex, dragged it through courts to get anything, raised an ND child (who didn’t sleep) single handedly (so far), kept a professional career going, then set up and run a business that fit around school to keep us, moved a hundred miles to a new area and got settled, administered an estate, got an ND child diagnosed and supported, bought a house, renovated it and am now setting about finding an adult social life, a partner and a new career. I’m an absolute badass. I‘m nailing it by any measure.

While none of that has been easy, I have generally felt, and been, capable and confident that I can do it with the right support to learn the skills needed and if I do the damn work. What I have rarely felt is desirable. I sort of forgot it existed. Especially with the renovation. I have been banging around in workboots and carpenters trousers all summer. I don’t feel very confident going back to work and finding a healthy relationship. But I want those things. The shots remind me that I can, with the right skills and resources, be conventionally desirable. But they are ‘me’ enough that they feel authentic. They SHOW me I can be something I didn’t really feel I was. That I didn’t think was a skill. That I forgot was an even a thing that applied to me. I’ve been celibate for a decade! I didn’t feel I needed to be that sexy to have a healthy relationship. It was just a bit of fun. I don’t think I’m horribly unattractive at all. I haven’t really thought about my body much,
except that the drill was too heavy for one hand and I can’t reach the coving properly. I certainly hadn’t thought about lingerie. My underwear had been plain white (or greying) for a straight decade. But I was blown away by how good those pictures look. Knowing I can look like that if I want to makes me feel amazing. Not quite as amazing as plumbing in a sink that didn’t leak, but what does?! 🤣. I took pictures of that too. (Thinking about it, I don’t think I showed them to anyone either).

The suggestion that it stems from a pathetic need to be admired (by my daughter’s boyfriends!) is laughable. Or that it’s narcissistic to want affirmation you are attractive after all that? (I know that was someone else who said it) And that someone who chooses to take pride or pleasure in their sexuality has no other sources of confidence or skills is at best a snap judgment. I’d say it’s somewhat misogynistic. Well I can fit a kitchen AND look hot in heels. Why should one preclude the other? I want them in my bedroom because I don’t want anyone outside the resident family to see them. A bedroom should be a space only I can invite people into. But that reminder I can be different in ways I don’t even know about yet? I want to be reminded of that every single day.

The expectation that something in my bedroom is not to be shared beyond the family seems reasonable to me. The expectation that only residents will glance through your bedroom door, and less familiar guests are to be entertained downstairs, perhaps not with a younger teen. The requirement for her to be ok with the overt display, also maybe not. So when can I expect to have that privacy? And where will she learn to embrace and not be ashamed of her own sexuality?

But they should be my choice who to share it with

Then only share them with people you actually want seeing them and who actually want to see them. Not your DD every time she passes your room and not your DD’s friends.

You can’t reasonably expect her to police her friends on this. It’s too much responsibility for a 13 year old who will need her resources for protecting her own privacy.

Chavvy you mean? Yeah because she's clearly hoiked down her trackie bottoms to show a g string protruding from the back. Heaven help us, she might even have unzipped her North Face jacket and pushed aside a Lacoste top to expose a hint of a sweaty discoloured bra.
Bet she's got "juicy" tattooed over her arse cheeks.
Chavvy

im glad my mum wasn’t anything like you OP. It’s scary that you can’t see how obnoxious you’re being. Again, what’s wrong with having a digital version of the image that you can look at as and when you need a boost? Why do you need to enlarge and display it? Why does your need for self discovery trump your daughter’s comfort? Why do you need to write chapter and verse to justify this?

Not sure why you’re posting when you seem to have made up your mind… but I’ll bite.

Word will travel. Someone WILL take a photo of it, probably edit it and then pass it around. God help your DD. Imagine you’ll be fair game too. Get a photo album.

I wouldn’t hang a photo I had to hide from my mum, or that I would be embarrassed if she saw, or that I knew she would disapprove of.

You clearly feel strongly that you want to put this picture up. Displaying your desirability probably won't rub along too well with others sharing your house. Personally I literally couldn't think of anything worse than displaying a boudoir picture of myself in the house. However our house is generally full of 17 year old friends of my daughter and I would be mortified at them seeing it. You seem a bit like someone whose recently started taking cocaine and thinking it's so great you are normalising it. Sex does that. Could that be clouding your judgement perhaps?

And where will she learn to embrace and not be ashamed of her own sexuality?

Not from looking at absurd boudoir photos of her mother, I assure you.

I don’t actually want anyone else to see them.

Then why are you blathering on endlessly about this? Put the photos in a box and look at them, in private, when you want to.

I’m an absolute badass. I‘m nailing it by any measure.

Good grief. 🙄

As a pp write, "Why do you need to write chapter and verse to justify this?". Precisely.

Again, I am not asking her to keep it secret, but private. If she has concerns, even about me, she can absolutely share it with a trusted adult. She knows that. I am asking her not to tell her friends, or people who are not trusted adults, for no reason. (And not my mother, precisely because she historically doesn’t respect privacy). Just I already respect her privacy. And I’m asking for consent for photographs. Just as I ask for her consent for photographs, and neither share nor take them if she declines. The EXACT OPPOSITE of grooming and abuse. I am modelling and expecting reciprocal consent, body boundaries and trust.

Seeing my body? Already happening. Knowing I have sex? She knows how she got here. Knowing mum is more than just mum? She knows I’m awesome. I’d do everything. Beginning to perceive that enjoying sex is part of a healthy relationship as a concept. I think that’s important (not seeing sexual acts. But seeing more than a platonic hug). But if she can’t see my sexuality. Or anyone else’s either - how?

Overtly displaying sensual pictures where she can easily avoid them if she chooses seems long way from abusive to me. I might or might not decide it’s ok from a cringe or a publicity point of view. But it’s not abuse.

There were three threads on boudoir stuff when I searched. None dealt with children. That’s why I raised it. This seems….somewhat dramatic.

That photo couldn’t be any cringier than what you’ve written on here, @Notgoingononlyfansyet.

Hang it in your front room. Hell - nail it to your front door.

The person who said social suicide for your daughter, is right.

I would have been beyond mortified if my Mum did something like that. At 13, all you want is for your Mum to be a nice, normal Mum. And you definitely do not want people laughing at her behind her back. That’s really awful for a child to deal with.

And the less said about how women find expressing their sexuality ‘empowering’ while men oddly don’t, the better…… 😑

“Seeing my body? Already happening. Knowing I have sex? She knows how she got here. Knowing mum is more than just mum? She knows I’m awesome”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣^
No child wants to think about their mum shagging OP. Never.

You should keep the pictures where your dd can't see it.

Sorry to sound harsh but one of the definitions of sexual abuse is causing a child to view sexual imagery.

Plain nudity (getting dressed etc) is not sexual on its own. But these posed pictures of yours are sexual.

I think your justifications of why you feel empowered by them aren't relevant to your main question (although interesting) - it's a discussion for a different thread but I do think it's suboptimal that a woman, already badass by her own description - should feel she is made somehow more complete by posing for sexual photos.

But that's all by the by. You mustn't subject your dd to seeing them and if I were her teacher and she mentioned this I'd have to follow it up.