To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

@Notgoingononlyfansyet I think it will equip her.

WTF, how does a semi naked photo of your mother in a sensual pose equip your child? seriously your priorities are all wrong.

The self-pity on your part is now embarrassing.

They are no more playing into the male gaze than a whole lot of other women’s fashion. All you’ve got is that the subject might have a seductive look on her face. There is no such thing as a sexual expression

I'm not sure how you could have written that with a straight face. The entire point of "boudoir photos" is pandering to the male gaze.

My mother thought she was an empowered sexual being who had “sensual” bondage type photos of herself put all over her house when she was in her late 40s. Growing up with her gave me a ridiculously dangerous rebellious stage where I also thought I was amazing and powerful and sexy. Makes my skin crawl thinking of hers and my own actions. I’ve grown up a lot since then and i know I’m a badass sexy bitch, but I keep that knowledge to myself and don’t let it affect others. There’s many ways to feel good about yourself and being a narcissist isn’t one of them.
what doesn’t sit well with me here is the fact that you don’t want certain grownups seeing your picture, but you feel it’s fine to let your DD and her friends see it. Can you not hear how that sounds?

I find it really odd that you even asked the question if you’re so determined that your pictures and sexuality is something that should hung on the wall…. If you really believe that then why the doubt? Why even ask others opinions and then argue that children should be exposed…

its not about the idea of children getting used to the idea that their parents have sex….. we all know our parents have sex and I’m fine with that, but would I want to see my mum or dad in a sexy pose on the wall? No….

Your ADHD seems to be brought up a lot… no idea how having ADHD means you wouldn’t look at a photo album or would ‘forget’ to put an album away or forgot to lock a bedroom door… do you forget to lock your car? Your house? Are you generally forgetful? I don’t think ADHD would affect that as it would be become part of your routine and surely you put other stuff away as soon as you finish with it? Do you not have albums with your daughters baby pictures in? But you never look at them? Even if they’re just on the laptop… do you simply forget they’re there and never look back at memories? I know lots of people with ADHD and it doesn’t affect their ability to close or lock doors.

Looks like the GMB audience have arrived

‘I also suspect that these pics bare little resemblance to how you look in real life.’

What point is there to this kind of vicious little comment? Seriously. Just to be unnecessarily nasty?

@FrancisSeaton, posters on here have already said that they'd be duty-bound to report this is a pupil of theirs told them about this. As I said before, if this were a dad rather than a mum, MN would advise contacting social services. There would be no "good for him for empowering himself, it's healthy for kids to see their dad's sexual side". He'd be accused of grooming.

Why ask everyone for advice and then ignore it and defend yourself? You clearly already know what you want to do so stop trying to convince everyone else and just do it

I don't think that comment was nasty, just realistic. None of us know what the OP looks like - she may well be extremely attractive. That doesn't change the fact that these photos are generally heavily Photoshopped. People pay for these shoots because they want to look like models - which, of course, most of us don't in real life! If they didn't Photoshop the images, people would leave reviews saying "I was so disappointed, I paid a fortune for this and they used the wrong lighting, they made me look awful..."

Why shouldn't she defend herself? Is she a doormat for you to wipe your feet on?

I stopped watching at about season 2. It really grated on me how she wasn’t allowed to solve any of her own problems. He had to be swooping in and rescuing her the whole time. She wasn’t even allowed to call the AA when she broke down. He did it for her. And yet she was a great character. Why did she have to be rescued all the time? If I break down, and someone offers to call a mechanic, the answer will always be ‘thanks, I already have, I’d appreciate someone to vent to while I’m waiting’. I know it’s a silly example, but it was just all the time. It was a terrible example to have around my daughter, so I didn’t.

Is Manifest any good?

Yes, but does OP specifically have to ‘work to throw it off’ here and now with this particular instance of the power of the male gaze? I mean, I’m wearing high-heeled boots today, and I’m well aware of the ‘male gaze’ element in their history… but I still like the way they look. Same with half the women’s fashion out there.

Because I’m genuinely interested in people’s views and I often change my own minimally thought through opinions in response to other women’s superior knowledge or insight, and develop better and more informed opinions. It’s a way of educating myself and benefiting from other people’s experiences. (And seriously uncommon). I’m not going to be insulted and patronised, and I’m absolutely going to respond to relevant points, especially if I feel they are poor points or rely on incorrect information or assumptions. That’s how you have a discussion. Do people just really just post and then do what ever the majority vote is? Is life ever that simple? God, I hope not. And do people really expect to develop a world view based on gut instinct and preference and never change it in response to other people’s thoughts or experiences? That’s not for me at all. I like to expand my views, rather than narrow them.

(And I have changed my mind. I need to do a proper update on why, but I keep getting distracted)

So what if it doesn’t look exactly like her day to day self? What point that does serve to make?

NRTFT but your bedroom - yes. No one but you and her should be in there anyway! Sonic her mates wander in it’s their own fault for disrespecting your privacy.

I think it will be nice to model self confidence and empowerment. It’s so important teenage girls see older women loving themselves and how they look IMO

Not photoshopped. I never, ever filter. I think it very overtly sends my child the message we’re not good enough as we are on the regular. These photos are not regular photos, a no one is pretending they are, just as a pro family shoot or wedding picture would are not regular occasions, and have the same treatment. I’ve no idea if they’re filtered. I’ll ask.

I didn’t pay for the shoot, I won it. I had 45 minutes of hair and make up, which doesn’t seem loads to me. I look like me (well the ones that have my face in. I dunno as I recognise my bum. Who would?!) just made up. Except I don’t have my specs on. I did mean to ask for some with them on, but I forgot. I wore the make up home and my child didn’t notice. She’d definitely say something if it were loads!

The photos I have seen were immediately post-shoot and totally unedited. They will be edited - professional photographers do that routinely for shadows and techy stuff. They will remove anything temporary - spots, bruises etc. I did have a huge spot, and I’m always bruised, but to be honest I didn’t notice at all. I don’t care if they leave them or not. They will remove scars if asked. I’ve asked for mine to be left in. They said they don’t change body shapes, but I obviously chose the ones that flatter what like about my body (which is most of it) and am not buying ones that don’t. There was one with my nose in silhouette which I hated!

I generally look in the mirror and think I look great. I’m confident that I’m attractive, I don’t wear much make up and I don’t have anything ‘done’ I don’t look in the mirror and think I look freakin’ amazing. But I do in those pictures. Many women compare themselves to modelled shoots, and that’s not fair. But now (if I were so inclined. Largely, I’m not) I can compare my modelled shoot to a modelled shoot. I know firsthand what hues into them. That kind of levels the playing field a bit. (I think some women might benefit a bit from comparing like for like and feel better. O don’t really think like that, but some women do). I had no idea how HARD those poses were! Anyone who thinks I did nothing for pictures but get made up and passively lay around pouting is utterly ignorant of the effort needed. I still ache and it’s been three days!

Genuinely don't understand why you say this is an fd up message ? There are different kind of secrets you know ? What am I missing ...

Just seen the clip on GMB. I just liked Ben saying Smoking Hot! 😂

FrancisSeaton, posters on here have already said that they'd be duty-bound to report this is a pupil of theirs told them about this. As I said before, if this were a dad rather than a mum, MN would advise contacting social services. There would be no "good for him for empowering himself, it's healthy for kids to see their dad's sexual side". He'd be accused of grooming
A lot would depend on the specifics of the images that the child describes seeing. None of us have seen the photos being discussed to say either way.

It's like the difference between a photo on the beach in swimwear Vs page 3 style or soft porn, suggestive photos. Both would involve wearing a bikini but they're quite obviously different types of images.

You're right that many people would view it differently if a father wanted to display sexy or suggestive photos of himself around the children because anything else is shaming his sexual side.

I think you’re missing my point. The male gaze has, quite obviously, had a huge influence on women’s fashion and beauty standards. So there’s plenty of stuff in mainstream clothing that is so heavily influenced by the male gaze (eg stilettos, push-up bras, low-cut tops, body-con dresses) that it becomes meaningless to single out boudoir shots and say ‘these are bad because they cater to the male gaze’. The whole operation is pandering to the male gaze at all times! So that’s not the issue here.

Myfavouritepenguin
You're right, it is everywhere but most women don't spend all day every day in body con dresses and low cut tops, at least not where I live. Fashion and beauty does have a huge amount of male gaze elements and it's problematic.

There's no denying that there is a difference between fashion trends when everyone has to buy clothes and a photoshoot that is specifically focused on promoting a narrow view of female sexuality that is all about what men find sexy and attractive.

A lot would depend on the specifics of the images that the child describes seeing. None of us have seen the photos being discussed to say either way.

It's like the difference between a photo on the beach in swimwear Vs page 3 style or soft porn, suggestive photos. Both would involve wearing a bikini but they're quite obviously different types of images.

I agree, but as I said in my previous post, surely this is one of those things that just isn't worth the risk? If you even have to stop and think "Would my daughter's teacher report me to social services if she told them about this?" then it's best avoided.

Context is everything.

No.

Not appropriate.