To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

I don't see how the art modelling is relevant, I'm sorry. I'n glad it makes you feel good.

I made no mention of how I felt about it.

New season Virgin River is fab, btw

I can't wait to binge watch it.

Same here Jane , and for the avoidance of doubt, it's not your posts which are ridiculous.

There are no ideas on this thread that will help at all. We cannot have a lock, it will get left open all the time, guaranteed. We both have ADHD and the meds only last 12 hours. My wardrobe doors are folding, and I don't go in them much anyway. A phone background is often on display. No way are they going on there. I'm always opening my phone in the presence of all kinds of people. There is no wall space at all in the en suite or on the walls that don't face the door. I will never, ever look at an album. I have ADHD. Things I can't see don't exist. And anyway, where could I safely put that that I can get it out every day? AND remember to put it away again every time? Basically, parents aren't entitled to privacy. Until their child is 18, and then, all in one go, they're adults. /Joke shag away on the hearthrug without recrimination//Joke . I personally think teens getting used to the idea that sex is a great part of a healthy relationship and that their parents have it is a good idea. And that you should do that gradually (up to a point). Not necessarily with pictures and not necessarily at 13. But somewhere in the next few years, for sure. I don't think it would scar her. I think it will equip her. I read a few articles about it when I started dating, and the concencus was older teen benefit from gradually realising parents have sex as a concept. But people here think not. I wonder what they've based their opinion on?

What's the point in discussing it with her? If it's wrong for her see them, it's wrong. What she thinks about them is irrelevant. She's a child. She cannot consent. Certainly not to child abuse (which I don't think it is, but it seems to be the common opinion) Despite popular opinion that I am so enamoured with my illicit pictures I am riding roughshod over my daughter's rights and mental health, I have in fact always put her first and scrificed a great deal to do so. So my beautiful pictures will live in the safe, secretly hidden away. And if she does find out about them, that's what she'll take away, isn't it? That you have to hide your sexuality if you have children. That it's wrong and shameful. I almost think thats worse than no pictures.

Basically, parents aren't entitled to privacy. Until their child is 18

Cut the dramatic self pity. The issue here is your daughter and your daughter having no choice about seeing your "sensual boudoir" photos and being required by you to keep them secret from your mother and your daughter's friends. And you're splitting hairs about not asking her to keep them secret and respecting your privacy. It comes to the same thing.

The people who have suggested that the OP needs to be careful from a legal point of view are not making it up. It is covered in safeguarding training, and teachers and nurses all have it drummed into us on an annual basis. However, you don't have to take our word for it. This is the information on the Metropolitan Police's website. Now, the OP clearly doesn't mean to harm her child, but she is equally clearly on very shaky ground. If the images are 'overtly sensual' and 'smoking hot' as she claims, and if anyone gets wind of them then she genuinely could be investigated. A teacher, nurse, health visitor, social worker would absolutely have to report it.

OP, @MaryLea's post is the most important on the thread. If you even have to think about whether it would get you investigated by social services (or possibly even the police), then it's an automatic no.

If a woman posted on here that her kids had come home from their dad's place and told her they'd seen photos of him in fetish gear, for example, she'd be told to contact social services. If someone posted that their kids had seen similar photos of their friend's dad, they'd be told not to let the kids visit that friend again. Do you really want your daughter to lose friends so you can have a photo of yourself in your underwear on the wall? If you want the confidence boost, why not just keep it on your phone?

She’s a child and your toughest years with (and hers also) her lie ahead. She doesn’t need this kind of confusion. There’s absolutely no way you can display these and simultaneously ensure she understand that taking similar pictures of herself and sharing with people she trusts is a bad idea.

If you need to look at them, put them in the bottom of a drawer where you store things you use every day. Nightstand, bureau, makeup drawer, etc.

There are no ideas on this thread that will help at all.

Get some photos done (clothed) that can you display?

Seems to be the obvious one.

Agree with the pp who said stop with the dramatic self pity.

Just no, put it in an album. Great you enjoyed it but I’d rather my daughter felt empowered by other things than a sexy photo personally.

@MaryLea is completely correct. PPs can defend the images all they like but the bottom line is that the OP does say she feels they are sexy and believes it is healthy to involve her daughter in that. OP said in her last post 'I personally think teens getting used to the idea that sex is a great part of a healthy relationship and that their parents have it is a good idea. And that you should do that gradually (up to a point) As a PP has said, OP says she was involved in these kind of activities with her mother whilst younger and this has clouded her view of what is a healthy mother daughter relationship.

Could you not just put the photos in a nice album and leave it out in your bedroom on the chest of drawers or dressing table? So you could flick through them whenever you wanted? And you would not have to get them out each time.

Your daughter’s friends shouldn’t go in there. Tell your daughter it’s your photos and she can look if she wants, but they are your private shots. That’s ok to tell her at this age.

I work with families, safeguarding etc and would be shocked if this met the threshold for anything.

I personally think teens getting used to the idea that sex is a great part of a healthy relationship and that their parents have it is a good idea. And that you should do that gradually (up to a point). Not necessarily with pictures and not necessarily at 13. But somewhere in the next few years, for sure. I don't think it would scar her. I think it will equip her. I read a few articles about it when I started dating, and the concencus was older teen benefit from gradually realising parents have sex as a concept. But people here think not. I wonder what they've based their opinion on?

Absolutely no one on this thread has expressed the view that older teens should never realise their parents have sex, and I suspect you know that. There isn’t any requirement for parents to take a proactive role in that realisation though. Your daughter (like all daughters) will have a lifetime of interactions and relationships that revolve to an exhausting extent around her sexuality; I get your mother is/was a bit unusual in this regard, but most people value the absence of any of that from their familial relationships. If you’re really keen to develop your 13 year old’s future healthy sex and romantic life, the best thing you can do is encourage her to build and maintain supportive female friendships and financial independence.

So my beautiful pictures will live in the safe, secretly hidden away. And if she does find out about them, that's what she'll take away, isn't it? That you have to hide your sexuality if you have children. That it's wrong and shameful. I almost think thats worse than no pictures.

No, sexual pictures kept out of your child’s view is not worse than no pictures. It is entirely normal and appropriate for sexual items to be kept hidden in a bedroom, which is where most people conduct their sex life (on their own or with a partner). And you can still look at the pictures - ADHD doesn’t mean you literally have no object permanence whatsoever, you wouldn’t have been able to build a sink or whatever if that was the case. You don’t sound like you’ve really taken any of the sensible points here on board; actually you sound furious and petulant at having to conclude you shouldn’t display those pictures.

My god. The pompous pontificating is still going on.

This thread reminds me as nothing so much as the pasta bake thread I read a few months ago. That was full of people sneering at someone else’s tastes too. The only difference here is people have gleefully (and disingenuously) seized on the issue that it might be a safeguarding issue (cue serious sad face). The poster who quote those guidelines above should be ashamed. At least the poster who mocked the photos by citing Alan Partridge’s suburban sex people was being honest e their sneering.

Boudoir photos don’t even show nudity. They might elicit a cringe or an eye roll from the daughter. They are no more playing into the male gaze than a whole lot of other women’s fashion. All you’ve got is that the subject might have a seductive look on her face. There is no such thing as a sexual expression.

By all means dislike this sort of thing! But the delight some posters have clearly felt at being able to slate someone’s tastes and call it moral concern is quite palpable.

Oh come on you can be serious
Children's services have to assess cases of ongoing domestic abuse/neglect and won't touch with a barge pole so often- if someone rang them about a cringey boudoir shot which indulges a middle aged woman's ego they would tell the caller to get a very large grip

I feel exactly the same @Myfavouritepenguin

The OP has repeatedly said she isn't going to hang the pictures, yet still she is being mocked and sneered at. I'm glad you agree about the Alan Partridge comment. Horrible and unnecessary from both the poster who posted it and the one who was "it made me laugh"

@MaryLea @ZoeCM @bluecloudme and other posters

If you had the smallest bit of experience in safeguarding and working at the coal face, you would know that this has no grounds whatsoever to be pursued by children's services.

I despair, I really do.

Hang the picture be proud of you x
what a great way to open the conversation about body confidence x
we see enough negativity in the world over a woman’s body.
Be proud and don’t worry about the people knowing. X

You've made GMB OP! They're discussing your dilemma this morning😆

Can I watch it on catch up? I’d be interested to hear what is said!

OP I think you’ve misunderstood what people mean by the male gaze. It doesn’t literally mean showing the pictures to a man, or that the photos were taken for a man. It means that women’s value and self worth has historically been determined by how appealing they look and that the judgement of that was by men. And all of that history is ingrained in our culture and in us as women. And we have to work really hard to throw it off.

It’s in the Daily Express too.

This is being discussed on GMB

I have no opinion at all on whether putting this picture up is morally right or wrong but this!

What's the point in discussing it with her? If it's wrong for her see them, it's wrong. What she thinks about them is irrelevant. She's a child
Sorry but this is sooooo wrong. Self-centred, undermining and patronising.

13yo emotions ARE what matters the most to them. Ignore them and that's the start of your child losing trust and faith in you and gradually removing themselves emotionally from the parent-child relationship.

Your daughter's opinion on this IS the only thing that matters. It's her house too. She is entitled to feel comfortable is what should be her safe heaven. She doesn't have to understand you. You have to understand her.

Why on god's earth did you post it then.

You've made it to Good morning Britain btw