To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

I'm so glad it helped you. I'm still here, clutching my pearls! I'm mostly amused (because I'm quite confident, despite people's ridiculous opinions!) but occasionally frustrated.

That's why I want it out. I'll forget it in a drawer and never look at it. I have ADHD. Things I can't see don't exist. (I expect that will be to blame now!) I've accepted it can't be out for a few years.

It did connect my looks with my sexuality. But I don't feel sexy because I looked it. I like them because I've been feeling super-sexy lately (thanks menopause), and it shows that in a way that perfectly captures how I feel lately.

I had a friend at university who had a whole calendar of what I guess you would now call boudoir shots made for his then-girlfriend. It became a running joke and he never lived it down.

I feel like I should understand why when women do this it’s empowering but when men do it we just laugh at them…

I had a boudoir photo shoot a few years ago and I totally understand how you feel. I haven't got a perfect figure and was blown away at how good the photos were and was astounded that I could look like that. Only a handful of people have seen the photos due to the nature of them, but they are all tasteful as I wouldn't have done it otherwise.

I understand the pride you feel and wanting to put them up and in a private space, I dont see any reason why you shouldn't. If there's a chance the photo could be seen is there one in particular that is less revealing or could be cropped slightly to avoid any embarrassment. I know which of my 18 photos I'd choose over others if there was the potential of them being seen.

Sorry, but you don’t get to decide for other people what is tacky. Tackiness, and beauty, are very much in the eye of the beholder.

Why do we have to celebrate ourselves without clothes, in the ‘boudoir’ (just that word is tacky)?

Men don’t celebrate themselves in this way, or get ‘empowerment’ this way.

Why would a typical visiting adult want to have that as a focus? Totally different wearing a bikini on the beach..you wouldn't go walking about your local supermarket in one. And definitely not for your daughter's friends to gawp at and perhaps your daughter needs a stronger role model than posing in underwear.

I suppose I could have a picture of the sink but that would be weirder!

OP do the photo of the sink, its way cooler and you will still feel empowered.

And surely boudoir photos are about the male gaze.disempowering for women

She can't decide for others what's tacky, but you can? (Actually I agree about the 'boudoir' being a tacky word. But that's what they call it)

I say again (because no one is going to read the whole thread now) it was in no way empowering. I was fully empowered before. It wasn't fun, either. It's bloody hard. It just shows me looking as sexy as I feel. I don't feel it validates my sexiness. I know already. But it does showcase it and I look as good as I feel. It shows a great deal of potential I never knew I had. I wonder what else I don't know I've got?

I can see the thread has moved on (and I’m not reading the whole thing!) but I am fascinated that the OP ‘won’ the shoot, in inverted commas. What is the difference between ‘winning’ and just winning? Did she steal the shoot?!

She is even buying one for her daughter when she is 18. She is currently a young teen.
Oh yeah great 18th present, just what every young woman wants.

I've accepted it can't be out for a few years.

Me too @Notgoingononlyfansyet . My DD is forever in my room. When she's left home, I'm going to have a print in my bedroom.

My favourite shot is me sitting cross-legged on the floor, knees up under my face, staring straight at the camera with the biggest smile on my face and in my eyes. I look stunning in it, as the shot looks so natural, both facially and pose wise. However we spent a good while getting my chin in the right spot, the knees in the right place, the material covering the right bits, my necklace falling correctly.

You know the drill 😉

Can you expand on that?

Firstly, no man will even see it. Those pictures are for me and can't legally (apparently) be displayed. So how can they be for male gaze? And secondly, I'm heterosexual. How could me looking sexy not be appealing to men? Assuming I wanted to, how am I allowed to express that, and not be accused of it being 'for male gaze'. I DGAF what men in general think. If I want one specifically, I try to appeal to them specifically, and I expect them to try to appeal to me, if they want to have sex. I'm not male gaze, and I love them.

I'd be tempted to put one up to keep my DS and his friends out of my room! He'd be mortified and never set foot in there again plus his friends would never let him live it down.
Don't do it OP. It's great that you had the confidence to get them done and that you are proud of the results. Let that alone empower you, don't start imposing restrictions and and secrets on your DC.

These sorts of wins are rarely wins in the conventional sense.

They're often run as a promotion depicted as a competition win, when essentially they're giving you a free photo shoot with the expectation you'll buy a whole load of photos when you do your viewing.

I don't know if this is how the OP won, but it's common practice in several industries.

The pp said, ‘they are not tacky’. She doesn’t get to decide.

I responded by saying ‘tackiness is in the eye of the beholder’. I’m not deciding for anyone, except myself….?

I suspect most (maybe all) people 'win' the shoot. Then they sting you for the pictures! They are not cheap. But to me, they are worth it. I just entered for a laugh. I though it would be silly and giggly and the pictures would be cheesy and not great. But it wasn't fun at all (it was HARD!) and the pictures are amazing.

‘All the nay-sayers are jealous’

What a trite simplistic response. Have you read the thread?

It is not my thing but I have no issue with the OP doing the shoot. But displaying the photos where my teens/their friends could see them, would make my kids feel very uncomfortable. I want to respect their wishes at this age. Nothing to do with jealousy.

I'm a 40yr old woman n I'd be a bit urgh. My mam and I have seen each other naked plenty of times. We've seen it all. I now have teenage daughters and they would hate this.

When IS it acceptable for my DD to learn that she knows things about me that not everyone does and that she can't just tell everyone everything? You know, that some things are private? Not secret. PRIVATE.

Why is privacy such an issue here? Do Mumsnet's children all think they can tell everyone everything about you? Are they? Or you all making them keep 'secrets'?

You must be new here 🤣

I am sorry for all the absolute shite you've been subjected to, OP. Like I said, there's a highly puritanical streak on MN that is outraged and offended by something like boudoir photography, even when it's privately commissioned and for nobody's eyes but yours. People actually think you are answerable to them for why you did it and demand to know why you didn't dress differently. As if it's anything to do with them. As if you need permission.

The question of where to put it wrt your daughter is entirely separate and didn't require anyone's ignorant sounding off about the shoot itself. Anyone who doesn't like boudoir shoots doesn't have to do one. I don't know why that's not enough for them and they also have to insult and deride you.

Enjoy the pictures. At least some of us understand the point of them and how they've helped you connect with that side of yourself.

Have you? It's FULL of rude and simplistic (and downright misogynist and prejudiced) responses. I'll take a trite one. I think if DD were 16, this would be fair enough. The sexual assault brigade would have to shut up, at least.

I've had to pick through it for the useful ones, but they're still useful. I've been a bit surprised but the way people seem to think I must be a mess to like them, and really disappointed that women want to simplify my character to likes porn=a mess. But hey. I don't have to live their narrow lives (thank goodness!) The patriarchy won't need men at all, at this rate!

I was fully connected to my sexuality before. But now I can literally SEE it in me. They're great photos and they reflect how I feel. That's what I like about them.

As we would say in the US: You go girl. Just do it.

Have it in your dressing area so you can look at it as you're getting dressed for the day.

I see far too much of the actual sink. And it's not as stunning. Although it doesn't leak. I love that I can do both!

The shots aren't empowering. I was fully empowered before. They just show how I've been feeling in a way I didn't know I could look. I wonder what else I could do that I don't know about yet.

it was HARD!

What was hard, OP?