To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

@SurprisedWithAHorse

Ok, so you don't think she should have the photos anywhere where her daughter might see them.

Correct.

No child ever would want to see this. And acknowledging that her friends could see it makes it sound as if you think that’s fine. You may think you look fantastic in the photograph - they won’t. They’ll just see their friend’s mum and she’ll be up for ridicule at school.

I think you need to to put your daughters feelings before your own need to show off.

@GodDammitCecil one of the reason's I wouldn't have them done is because I'd be gutted everytime I saw my reflection I was reminded I looked nothing like the photos😂. I don't think I'm ugly but I'm not going to pretend I'm a supermodel.

I've got nothing against other people having them done as a bit of fun.

I wouldn't have a profile pic that was heavily filtered either because I want people to recognise me and not be disappointed when they meet me.

Neither are the fucking children... whats wrong with you?

Also historically men wore very little to display pole strength... just as Olympian performed naked. I allows for better grip.

Just like gymnastics most pole dancers wear small leotards this is for PRACTICAL purposes not sexual ones.

If you see a kid doing an acrodance competition in a leotard do you compare her to a stripper and think shes trying to seduce men? Just utterly ridiculous.

You mentionrd wanting to display the pictures as they show you being desirable. That's great the pictures have given you confidence but your daughter would most likely be uncomfortable seeing such a side of you.
It's very different to her being ok seeing her mother naked while undressing/ showering in the home.
I saw a similar type picture of a friend's mother when I was a teen. Neither my friend or I planned on seeing the picture. I can remember the embrassement of the situation decades later. Whereas I never really noticed her mum's body while we were all on the beach.

Do you genuinely believe that people telling her to keep her racy pictures away from her thirteen year old neuro divergent daughter are doing so because we're all uggos who can't get a man?

Actual lol 😆

Indeed. I've an autistic teen, she'd be cringing inside out with a thousand screams if I forced her to endure semi naked images of me pouting on display, and don't even get my started on my YA son!

Probably not, I don't do it myself so I can only go with what I see on social media, which is women in the skimpiest clothing possible and and men wearing joggers and a loose singlet type top, sometimes shorts. The moves seem to be different as well.

You (and others) don't have to take my comments so personally.

Did I say anything about 'the fucking children'?

No didn't think so.

I've only ever seen pole dancing on social media, I've never ever seen anyone wear a leotard for it, and IME of what I've seen, it's women in very short shorts and sports bra (ok not knickers) and the men are not. Historically, I wasn't actually around in ancient Greek times so didn't witness the naked Olympics so not sure why that's relevant.

If I see a kid doing anything why the fuck would I compare it to an adult doing pole dance?

That is a great idea.

You've seen people doing pole in jogging bottoms? That's actually pretty dangerous. I don't do pole myself but I know a lot of people who do and I've seen them perform. Friction for grip from bare skin is a very basic point and the less material you've got flapping round, the better.

I've occasionally seen people who really want to cover up wearing tight leather or PVC trousers but never jogging bottoms.

It's exactly like any other gymnastic discipline except the others haven't been overtly sexualised elsewhere so people are able to understand why you don't wear long flowing robes while doing them.

The naked Olympic sports was actually done to exclude women, who weren't allowed to compete. Seems a weird example to throw into this thread - not sure what their point was bringing it up. Did they even read what you said? Anyway, we've gone way off into the long grass. The OP has made her mind up, and unfortunately a loud minority (some of them, I assume, sock puppets) have turned this thread into a very confusing place.

The burning question for me is what kind of hat was it? I was picturing a fedora or matador's hat but PP's suggestion upthread that it was a cowboy hat has thrown me.

Seriously though, zero reason to show your 'sensuality' to your child, it's a horrible idea. Keep your photo to yourself.

I actually think it’s a bit sad that you seem to measure your worth in looking sexy and hot rather than some other achievement such as getting through hard times or bringing up a decent child.
Not really a message I would want my 13 year old to take on board. At that age they are already bombarded with messages that the most important thing is what you look like. Surely she needs a break from that at home?

Well, like I said I've only seen it on social media. It's always sexy ladies and athletic men.

It's exactly like any other gymnastic discipline except the others haven't been overtly sexualised elsewhere so people are able to understand why you don't wear long flowing robes while doing them

Hmmm. I get your point but not sure I agree with this. There's not a market for skantily clad women in pleasers doing beam work or asymmetric bars, or men doing ring work.

My bet is a ringmaster's top hat at a jaunty angle.

Well, like I said I've only seen it on social media. It's always sexy ladies and athletic men.

It requires the most phenomenal strength and flexibility. I cannot believe anyone who's doing it long enough to be getting photoshoots would be wearing joggers. Imagine trying to cling to a vertical bar in thick cotton. You'd slip right down.

There's not a market for skantily clad women in pleasers doing beam work or asymmetric bars, or men doing ring work.

Women on the beam and asymmetric bars don't wear flowing midi dresses. It's gymnastics. It's fortunate for other gymnasts that their discipline hasn't been hijacked for overt sexuality elsewhere so people find them and their attire more acceptable. But the vast majority of pole dancers aren't doing it in men's clubs. You really need dedication to build up the kind of strength required to get anywhere with it. It can be incredibly beautiful to watch, just like rhythmic gymnastics.

You can make any gymnastics sexual if you want to. A lot of people love pole and they shouldn't be somehow shamed for it because some knuckledraggers decided it was about their dicks and the world decided to make them the authority.

I'm sorry, in your very first post you clearly indicate that you expect your daughter to keep secrets and police her friends behaviour around the photo. Here's what you said: "We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it!"

It's hardly policing her behaviour and keepig secrets by saying 'mummy's bedroom is her private space, we don't need to tell anyone what pictures mummy has on her wall. You can tell your friends what you on your own walls if you want to.'

True, if that was what she was actually saying. But that's not what she's saying. She is anticipating a situation in which her daughter's friends will see the picture, and that her daughter will have to tell those friends not to photograph the picture. The whole thing can easily be avoided by keeping the image out of sight.

She's a 13 year old girl not a small child so telling her about Mummy's private space is not really going to be very effective. She is either going to be embarrassed, take the piss or think it's weird to see her Mum displaying seductive photos of herself (which are probably not a very good resemblance of what Mum looks like in real life).

I would put it somewhere private or buy a lock for her bedroom door if she wants it to be her private place.

The one and only place in your bedroom that you could possibly hang this picture is exactly where anyone going past can see it clearly 🙄

Yeah right.

This is quite an odd thread. I feel it's disingenuous of the OP to try to pitch this as an interesting debate when it really is very simple. I work with 13 year olds and really and truly can't think of any one of them that would want to see their mum like this. Don't embarrass her. Look at your pictures and be proud of them if it's your thing but I really don't understand the desperation to display them.

It isn’t prudish to think context is important. OP can still be the sexy-empowered-amateur boudoir model/plumber she feels she is AND keep the photos in a discreet place. Not everyone needs to be involved in all parts of your life - especially parts which they may prefer you to keep private. That isn’t prudish - it’s respecting consent and being conscientious.

I am pretty sure I understand OP's desperation to display the pictures; she's a narcissist. She envisages her mother being so enthralled if she accidentally sees them on screen that she'll screenshot them and share them with her friends. She thinks her daughter will develop a proud and happy sexuality if she sees these pictures. She imagines her thirteen year old's school friends taking pictures of it - and doesn't see how damaging this would be to her daughter. There is no reasoning with narcissists. Her poor kid.