To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

I rarely see knickers and bras on anyone I teach. It wouldn’t be suitable attire for the lesson ahead. In fact I cannot recall the time anyone has worn such.

This is actually my biggest concern. It isn’t influenced at all by dating. I won’t be sharing the pictures. I don’t bring men home to bed. Full stop. If I had someone long term, I might consider it. I don’t know how I’d feel. But that’s really not what this is about. It was just for fun. I actually didn’t think other people’s pictures are that great. But mine blew me away.

If I did need to prove DD I’m more than a flirty picture, I definitely have. But I do not want her connecting boudoir shots with what you do when you want a man. At all. I guess removing it if I did have someone over would send that message pretty hard. So long as I was clear that it was private not shameful.

I’m not changing FOR men. I’m having men around because how I feel has changed.

It's weird though how the men that do it don't tend to be only in knickers and a bra though, don't you think?

The men I know do it in sports shorts and are often topless once the warm up has finished and they're doing tricks. The women I know do it in shorts or bikini bottoms and a sports bra.

Some moves require friction from the skin making contact with the pole to hold, so they need to be able to make shoulder/thigh/waist/back of knee contact with the pole.Other moves don't rely on friction to hold so to do those moves wouldn't require skin access.

Maybe think how you would have felt as a teen. I would have absolutely hated to have seen pics like that of either of my parents. I would have also hated the fact they put them on their wall like they wanted people to see them, even if you say they are private, it sounds very likely others would see them. Like many have said there are ways for you to look at them, wardrobe door, photo album etc, without the display/ showy element. She might understand you’re a sexual person etc but no-one wants to be confronted with it. It’s also odd enough to be definitively gossip at school if people found out. I wonder if you could get some glam (not sexual) shots of you and her. Or maybe some ones of you achieving something (crossing a finish line) that give you that self esteem boost without the complications.

I actually didn’t think other people’s pictures are that great. But mine blew me away.

Okay.

Just put it up in your bedroom!

OP the second post nailed it - if it's on a wall in the house, at some point a friend will see it. They're likely to take a photo, and at the very least it will be gossip even if the photo isn't sent around your daughter's friends (which is the likely outcome).

Awful for your DD.

It's great that you love it and it empowers you, but hang it inside a wardrobe or something.

I've just looked at Facebook friends boudoir photos and they are very good but very different to how she looks in real life.

A bit like when Dawn & Pete (Gavin & Stacey) send Seth pictures of themselves.

That is a rediculous argument because something being adult and not for children doesn't make something not legitimate. Is a cocktail not a legitimate drink because it's not for under 18s? You are being absurd tbh.

The reason I don't think it is an appropriate dance form for children isn't because of it not being a legitimate dance form. It is because people like you stigmatise it and because some people behave creepy about it (I have had some proper creepy comments by men about it over the years) and I wouldn't expose a child to under taking a hobby where that is the case, so basically I think other people's behavior and attitude make it an unsuitable dance form for a child. I do think to take it up as a hobby you need to be able to be aware of its strip club roots, and understand that some people are creepy about it and some people look down on you for it. A child can not consent to any of that. I love pole but it is impossible to remove it from its strip club roots (and not should we because it's disrespectful to sex workers to pretend they have nothing to do with a dance form that has come largely from them).

But as I said it not being a children's dance form does not mean it's not a legitimate dance form

Untapped potential? 🤣 To achieve what? Proper, grade A, narcissism?

Oh wow you're still on this.

You say the pictures are not even PG and not a big deal, but then you say you want to help your daughter understand healthy expression of sexuality. Isn't that contradictory?

You say you're entitled to privacy, but you don't want to put them somewhere actually private. If boyfriends won't see them then just put them in a drawer?

If you're concerned about a sexualised society then don't create a sexualised environment in your home?!

😂 I have no idea what you seem to think men wear to pole dance classes. I have known quite a few men who do pole dance. They wear briefs or short shorts usually because you literally need skin to skin contact with the pole to grip and not fall down.

Although many do embrace the sensual sexy stuff if they take heels classes so I have seen men dance in pleasers and more sensual attire).

So really you don't know what you are talking about.

My friend was teased horribly by some children at school after they had been over to play at her house and had seen a photo of her parents on display in their bedroom. The photo was of them on their honeymoon standing together completely naked.

I'm sure the photos you had taken are lovely but if there's any chance that your daughter's friends will see it then I wouldn't display them.

I can remember my DSD seeing a photo of someone's Mum's profile pic of her pole dancing with skimpy shorts and vest top on. She said - I'd be mortified if my friends saw my Mum like that.

So I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have wanted her friends to see boudoir photos of her. She was about 13 years old at the time.

If your DD is anything like mine she will be mortified that her DM has a photo like that as they dont think of parents being sexual.
By all means hang it in your bedroom but make sure its not somewhere her mates will see (and photograph it).

Well the market in large part is her children. That's the whole point.

She did it to impress her daughter?

The OP was so bloody clear on this. She's had a very hard few years and she's come through it all, and the photos got her reconnected to a side of herself she had forgotten about.

The question is now about putting them up at home where her daughter might see them. That is a completely separate issue and had nothing at all to do with her reasons for the shoot or what she got out of it.

She's had a very hard few years and she's come through it all, and the photos got her reconnected to a side of herself she had forgotten about

Put it on the inside of wardrobe door, and you get to reconnect with it every morning as you get dressed. No one else has to connect with it. Problem solved all round. You’re welcome.

Sorry to be a total misery on this one but everybody ‘wins’ these photo shoots. It’s how they get you in the door to flog the pictures. Nothing sexy about it.

I don’t think this post is serious so don’t feel too bad about saying no don’t be daft nobody but you needs to see the output of this ‘shoot’.

😂😂😂
it’s the arrogance for me lol

I love that having this experience has made you feel so good about yourself and given your self-esteem a proper boost. And the resulting images sound lovely - who wouldn't blame you for wanting to display them?

BUT....I can only think that you may become the talk of the school gates as 'XYZ;s Mum who's got pictures of herself in a bra and knickers on the wall'. Especially if you go out of your way to tell them NOT to tell certain people. Your own kids may dutifully comply, but I can't imagine their friends are going to be as discreet!

So on that basis, no - I would keep them somewhere out of general sight and take them out to have a little sneaky moment when you need reminding that you aren't 'just' a Mum.

@SurprisedWithAHorse

The OP was so bloody clear on this. She's had a very hard few years and she's come through it all, and the photos got her reconnected to a side of herself she had forgotten about.

All well and good. But not need for her kids to "reconnect" with their mum wearing a negligee with "come hither" eye makeup on etc.

I can't think of any other aspect of parenting where decisions on what is right for our children is based on what strangers might think, rather than what we believe ourselves.

Funny that

Ok, so you don't think she should have the photos anywhere where her daughter might see them.

The rest of it, like most of the posts on the thread, is just why you don't like boudoir photography.

I actually didn’t think other people’s pictures are that great. But mine blew me away.

You’re so close to ‘getting’ what many on here are trying to say.

People looking at yours (and there will be people looking at it, given how un-private your bedroom is) won’t think they’re ‘that great’ either.

The only people who think ‘boudoir’ photos look good, are the people in them, blown away by unrecognisable they look, compared with their usual selves.

Your ‘boudoir’ (God, that word ) shots are amazing to you - and not that great to everyone else.

Exactly the same as you.

Could be worse..my PILs had one of my husbands ex up in their front room for years!!! Along with their wedding photo. I got the hint.