To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

I;m still laughing at the 'wear a helmet' post

@SurprisedWithAHorse

Tbh, how she looks isn't even the point. It was self-expression, not a beauty contest. Yes, they'll have flattering lighting etc...so what? The pics are for her. This sounds a bit like the "makeup is lying" stuff from people who apparently don't realise eyelids aren't naturally purple. Everyone knows they'll look different in soft light etc. Do we always have to look the same all the time? Does that always have to be the most everyday we look? I had professional hair and makeup for my wedding. Did that make me insecure? Everyone there knew what I normally look like. I don't think any of them thought I was trying to mind wipe them.

I just think the motivation behind paying someone to make you look sexy is very different from the motivation behind paying you to do your wedding pictures.

There's nothing wrong with it. But placing that much emphasis on advertising yourself as a sexually attractive person to me signals someone who isn't fundamentally that confident that they are a sexually attractive person. There's an element of overcompensation which to me smells of desperation. If you really have it, you don't have to try etc.

But again in the privacy of an adult environment that's all fine. Expecting your children to celebrate this, however, is not.

You got it there exactly..MADE her look lovely. I keep all the photo's I look naturally well in...you know actually where I LOOK LIKE MYSELF.

A workmate 'won' a boudoir shoot, and she, too, felt empowered and sensual. However she shared some of the photos of the work Whatsapp group and I felt second-hand embarrassment for her. Sexy photos are definitely not for sharing, other than with a partner. These photos weren't crude, but photos of anyone in erotic underwear, is not the same as looking at photos of someone on the beach wearing a bikini.

Sorry but boudoir photos (even the word 'boudoir') sounds totally naff. Just... no.

Don't ever have boudoir shots in the home displayed where any visitor can see them, or put them on social media. However lovely you look, it's narcissistic and chavvy.

I was a model in my youth, I modeled until my oldest was 3. He is now a teenage and is attempting to encourage me to get back into it, hes not remotely embarrassed by it.

He is also autistic though and says he doesn't understand why a man could walk around topless but a woman can't when nipples are nipples or how a bikini photo is ok but bra and pants aren't (and to be fair hes completely right).

I have a photo from when pregnant with him on the living room wall, maternity shoots weren't common back then but due to being a model I had several. I did a lot of lingerie modeling back then.

The one on the wall is black lace kickers and bra with my big round belly. No one has ever had any issues with it in nearly 16 years and I never even thought to be 'embarrassed' by it.

My mam HATED photos of herself but I would have had no issue with it, my mam gave me all my 'sexy' clothes as hand me downs that she use to wear (I STILL have them). She was the one that instilled body confidence in me. She had incredible style and was effortlessly cool when young. I wish we had photos to memorialize that now.

I wouldn't have been embarrassed as long as its not actual porn... women (even mothers) can be sexy without it being a 'bad' thing.

So you never toss your hair in a certain direction not stand in a certain way because it makes you look better than flat hair and a dumpy pose? You made yourself look lovely for the photo. Or do you like photos of you where you look like shite?

I look exactly like myself in my boudoir shoot thanks. I wouldn't have paid for them if I didn't. The make up artist recreated my smoky eye look that I love. Minimal lips. The hairdresser straightened my hair like I wear on a night out. The photographer said things like lift your chin a little, head down, hand on your...posing me perfectly to get the best shots possible.

Why do you find it so difficult to understand that I LOOK LIKE MYSELF (don't know why we need to shout that phrase, but I'm following your bizarre lead here...)

Writhing around a pole wearing high heels is about as far from empowerment as you could possibly get.

Bloody hell, why are you angry? No one is forcing you to do a shoot.

I don't like photo shoots either but I think OP is allowed to have one if she wants and to put up a picture in her bedroom, her personal space if she wants.

Of course it can be the same as a bikini photo. OP has said she is wearing full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots.

You same posters tell women to wear a bikini if they want to, which is in public. But that's OK because that's for the male gaze. OP wants to do something for herself and suddenly she's being treated like a whore.

Yep, sure you do.

I am not angry, I am merely saying boudoir shots are enhanced to make you look better than you do normally by a huge margin. What is the point of them?

I never mentioned anything about where Op should hang it. On a wreath on the door for all I care but don't expect the DHL man to realise the woman who opens the door is the woman in the picture.

13 year olds are not going to stick around for a debate on whether the styling of their friend’s mum’s paid-for sexy shots is comparable to their own mother’s wedding makeup or a professional modelling shoot before taking the piss and telling the whole year group. There’s an interesting conversation to be had about how societal influences affect how we respond to things in different contexts, and to be fair to OP she said early doors in this thread that she accepted the advice not to do it but was interested in the discussion. But there is absolutely no coherent argument that says because people generally accept professional makeup for brides that it’s therefore fine to put your sexy shots where you know your child and their friends will see them.

This exactly proves my point tbh. No other dance form that takes years of practice to perfect and is highly skilled gets described as "writhing" 🙃

I just think the motivation behind paying someone to make you look sexy is very different from the motivation behind paying you to do your wedding pictures.

It's not that different. In both cases you're paying for a photographic record of a particular side of you that isn't quite the same as when you're at Tesco's or on the school run. If OP is insecure because she got a bit glammed up for a boudoir shoot, why am I not the same because I got a bit glammed up and posed with flowers and champagne? She had a private shoot, I was the centre of attention in front of 100 people.

We all have different sides of ourselves and our lives and there really is nothing wrong with getting some photos done in expression of that.

But placing that much emphasis on advertising yourself as a sexually attractive person to me signals someone who isn't fundamentally that confident that they are a sexually attractive person. There's an element of overcompensation which to me smells of desperation. If you really have it, you don't have to try etc.

Honestly, this is your interpretation of it and nothing more. I don't think it's the mark of a sexy, confident person never to make the best of themselves and to spend their entire lives in joggers and no makeup. That's not to say there's anything wrong with someone who does because that's what they like. But the idea that a sexy, confident person wouldn't ever do anything sexy or confident is the kind of Catch 22 that just sets everyone up to fail because someone doesn't like sexy, confident stuff.

I get dressed up before having sex with my husband. Is that more acceptable? I've got a male audience. OP literally had no audience but herself. Yet she's the one trying to prove something?

But all of this is irrelevant and the thread's focus on it makes it clear what people are really objecting to. They would say and have said all the exact same things when an OP does a boudoir shoot and lives alone! It's nothing to do with the kid. And people who are claiming it's all about "boundaries" and protecting the child are giving themselves away with all the sneering about the shoot itself, which is not actually thr issue.

I don't think OP has expected her child to "celebrate" anything. She's just asking about hanging the photos up at home. She's not expecting her daughter to blow kisses every time she passes them or something.

Writhing around a pole wearing high heels is about as far from empowerment as you could possibly get.

Strange you’re telling people how they should feel participating in dance/sports you don’t do.

Exactly this.

Great that it gave you a confidence boost, all about you feeling empowered and confident but would you really want to see pictures intended to be sexy shots of your mum? I doubt it. I don’t mean to sound harsh but those shoots are sooo dated and extremely cringe especially to a child and I think it’s quite odd that you want to display them for what appears to be only yourself and your daughter and her friends, why can’t you keep them to yourself and show the guy you’re dating? All a bit odd if I’m being honest & I know for a fact it’s the first thing her friends are going home to tell their families that x’s mum has, ‘pics of herself in underwear on the walls’ I’d hate for my daughter to be the subject of any sort of ridicule surely that would override and desire to show off your pics?

Tell me you've never been to a pole dance performance without telling me...

But it doesn't matter what is the point of them. OP wants one, she can have one.

Why would the DHL man be opening the door to OP's bedroom? And why would he care if OP doesn't look the same as in her picture?

I truly don't want to have to look at pictures of my friends in their underwear, pregnant or not. That's the sort of thing I'd hang in my bedroom, out of the line of sight of anyone who would walk past when the door is open. I wouldn't say anything about anything anyone had on display like that, but I'd find it a bit odd to have it in such a main space.

I meant her front door...keep up.

No, because they're dance forms in their own right. They didn't originate in strip clubs for the male gaze, where the women are indeed writhing.

I don’t see anything wrong with it at all. It’s empowering and something that makes you happy! It’s lovely to hear how much more confident you feel in yourself 🥰 go for it!