To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

Was wondering when the inevitable cries of "prudes!" would come, as they tend to do whenever the subject of safeguarding children against sexualisation comes up. Or the wild oversimplifications, ignoring all of the nuance and the valid points that have been made.
They always do when it comes to expecting adults to have appropriate boundaries with children.

Speaking in general here, if an adult feels ashamed of their sexuality and sexy side because they're not able to displays it around children and discuss it with children then at best they need to work on their self esteem and at the very worst we need to ask some serious questions about them.

A handful of people are looking at the child. They're the ones telling her to put the photos somewhere they won't be seen and leaving it at that.

A huge number, as always, couldn't care less and are either ignoring that entirely or using it as a fig leaf for what really offends them: an adult woman commissioning private photos of herself looking sexy, for her own interest.

Don't pretend you can't see it. Cries of "brazen", "disgusting" "cringe" and endless posts telling her she's not all that, the photos will definitely be hugely edited to look unrecognisable, she's pathetic etc etc.

The more I read the more I cringed. Idk it’s all the mention of being sensual and badass and awesome, the more it went on the more I hated the idea of your daughter or anyone seeing the photos.

Personally I think boudoir shoots are quite tacky and hackneyed but if you like looking on them then just keep them on your phone or something, or inside a cupboard.

I don’t think people are insinuating that she must be ugly, more that it will be apparent that she is a normal looking person and not a model. Like the vast majority of the species. Which will make it obvious to anyone who sees this photo that she’s sought out and paid for it. Which is going to leave her but more importantly her daughter open to much more and potentially more unpleasant pisstaking than if she was a model. Which would be fine if she was proposing a display by which only she would be affected, but she isn’t.

I've only read your posts, OP.

To be honest what I'm getting from you is an underlying tone of anger. It seems to me like you know these pictures are unsuitable for showing in a family home, and part of you is angry that you are in this position and want to show them as a kind of 'fuck you' - I'm not sure to whom, perhaps the world in general?

I could be wrong, that's just what it sounds like to me.

Put them in an album and look at them when you like, is my suggestion.

Oh do me a lemon. Have you seen any of this kind of photo? The women never look like supermodels if they didn't already. They are flattering shots, yes, but it isn't the kind of metamorphosis that everyone is claiming it is. It isn't supposed to look like you do every day going to Tesco, that's the point. It's a different side of you.

And don't tell me you haven't seen the posts going on about angles and hiding this and that, with the clear implication being that OP has stuff to hide.

They are quite clearly and pathetically trying to shoot down OP's new confidence because they are offended at the concept of boudoir photography. It's totally transparent. That's why they're not satisfied just to say "keep them in a drawer so the kids don't see" and instead have to tell her that however nice she looks, she doesn't really look like that and has no business feeling good about it. And she should feel embarrassed for doing it at all, etc etc.

Some people are pretending they have some nobler motive but it's more transparent than the camera lens. Nobody's fooled.

Erm, do you know where the background of your phone is? I’m not talking about your wallpaper which is the picture on your screen when your phone is locked, I’m talking about the picture in the BACKGROUND which only you see once your phone is unlocked. How the hell would you be waving your background to cashiers and bus drivers?

I’ve added a picture of my background so you can understand what I’m saying. It’s clear that you want to look at the picture often to feel empowered or whatever the wording was. You’ll be on your phone everyday and the picture is hidden away from your daughter and potentially anyone else. Seems like the best bet to me but you’re clearly going to have them in your room anyway!

Great that you feel empowered by the photoshoot.

Personally, i wouldn't have these up on my wall but, saying that i wouldn't have one of these shoots done in my underwear as i think they are cringy.

My teenage Son would just tell me - those photos are embarrassing Mum and I don't want my mates to see them.

This :)

Here we go again, OP asks should I do this,

responses are overwhelmingly "in god's name, no, don't do it",

And 15 pages in she's still arguing the point.

Just get a little bedside A5 frame and display it as a nice keepsake for yourself. Job done.

No-one needs to see that on the wall.

OP, everyone is saying its a no. You seem determined to do it anyway, so why ask.

It's not a good idea. Which you will find out.

@Notgoingononlyfansyet whoops I can see that you don’t feel empowered but have said They show something I had no idea I had in me. It’s what they represent that’s important. So my point still stands.

Also your bedroom isn’t private is it if you have your daughter walking in and out? If it was just you who lived alone or even if you had a baby/toddler up until 3ish, I’d say go for it. But a teeanger in your house and you‘ll want to sit her down and ask her not to tell anyone about it? Weird imo

Boiled down, you're prioritising your ego over your daughter's ability to be appropriately sociable without running the risk of becoming the talk of the school. If you feel ok with that, you're not the badass you think you are and you should think about whether your self-esteem is founded on the wrong stuff. A bit of therapy might be useful to you there.

They show something I had no idea I had in me.

What did you have in you? The ability to sit still for some deliberately blurred focus shots with some props?

These photos were all the rage years ago and most of the women in them (because yes, it's nearly always women who want them), are hardly recognisable.

You are a completely right, it is a different side you you, an unreal one, one you could never in a million years recreate for yourself either going on a night out OR going to Tesco. It's an illusion. An enhanced, upgraded, embellished side of yourself.

It is not beautiful, it is BEAUTIFIED.

You are beautiful anyway, you don't need trickery, lighting, angles and an expert photographer to create this mirage of sexiness in a photo that does not show the real you but a creation of someone that, in your mind, looks a million times better than you think you look in real life.

That is just really sad.

A handful of people are looking at the child. They're the ones telling her to put the photos somewhere they won't be seen and leaving it at that.

A huge number, as always, couldn't care less and are either ignoring that entirely or using it as a fig leaf for what really offends them: an adult woman commissioning private photos of herself looking sexy, for her own interest.

Don't pretend you can't see it. Cries of "brazen", "disgusting" "cringe" and endless posts telling her she's not all that, the photos will definitely be hugely edited to look unrecognisable, she's pathetic etc etc.

Some people are being unpleasant about the nature of boudoir shoots, but that's now what me or the poster I was replying to were talking about.
We were talking about the claims that somehow it's prudish and telling someone to be ashamed of their sexuality by not having sexy photos up around children.

Children don't need to be brought into their parent(s) need to feel sexy and desirable. Any adult who needs the validation of a child (either by openly sharing the material or because having appropriate boundaries is viewed as shaming them) needs to take a look in the mirror. Children are not support animals for adults.

It's irrelevant what you, me or anyone else thinks about sexy photos, boudoir shoots etc. If an adult wants to do them and it makes them feel good about themselves then that's up to them. It doesn't mean children need to be brought into it with a whole illogical list of criteria about which adults it's fine to show sexy photos, which aren't, which adults you keep secrets for and which adults are ok to talk to if something bothers you (all decided by the adult who chose to prioritise displaying the sexy shots in the first place).

It's funny how women don't take up traditional gymnastics and then bang on about how empowering it is when they're on the parallel bars

The empowerment seems to be saved for something that has its origins in strip clubs. Why is that?

A colleague had one as her facebook cover photo. She worked in a high school with her full name on her account. And she didn't get why it wasn't appropriate 😂

You're the one trying to be the judge of what should be a thread or not.

Follow your own advie - ignore the thread if you don't like it.

Quite. I don't understand all this bullshit about women doing it for themselves to be empowered and definitely not for men...okay then. Not saying it's a crime to want to be found attractive or desirable of course, but why pretend otherwise.

How old are you? Your dd is 13, is an entering a hormonal phase. This is a time for you to be aware and available to her in supportive way but you are giving so much importance to looking and feeling sensual and insisting and arguing reasons why these photos should be put up in your room. You didnt talk about how your dd will feel about seeing these photos.

If you need to justify putting these photos up because you went through bad health, infertility and abusive relationship, then you need to work through these issues through therapy. Don't be that mother who puts her wants above well being of their kids. Don't let your dd feel that her mother suddenly have a strong need to feel sensual when your dd will be feeling the same and will feel uncomfortable talking to you if she needs guidance or is subject to grooming. Your username is very telling.

@Notgoingononlyfansyet I think you are getting an unnecessary kicking on this thread.

In the friendship group I had as a late teen, one of our friend's mums had some tasteful boudoir photos on display in the living room. At the time, there was the typical teenage teasing, but we all got on well and even his mum would join in.

She was a single parents to 2 DC, had an abusive ex-husband and has since had a double mastectomy due to cancer. I hope she still has the pictures, and they bring her some happiness about the wonderful woman she was and still is.

There's nothing sad about wanting to have lovely photos of yourself. Half the women on here don't even have photos of themselves with their families due to feeling embarrassed about their looks or something. That's not healthy for starters.

Boudoir shots are just that, for the boudoir. That means a private space just for you and intimate friends. If your room is a free for all, and your dd uses it to come in and bond with you there, then it's not a boudoir, it's a public space in the house, so don't put it there. I put things I want to read (like lovely notes my kids have sent me) by my bed, I think that's the appropriate space or in top drawer of bedside cabinet so you can grin at it every morning if you so choose, but it's not creating discomfort in the house.

Like it or not, in our society, our sexual selves are not on full display to our nearest and dearest (they might be in a culture where everyone had to share a room, for example), so no need to push at that boundary.

Op. Those things are achievements. Having your photo taken in your undies then having it filtered by a professional is not the same.

your posts though maybe reveal something, do you feel insecure about your appearance, or about your relationship history /starus?

I mean lots of folks look at those photos and think about how they are filtered and blend out the imperfections, present an enhanced image, and smile wryly and feel flattered. But it seems like something else for you. Some form of validation that maybe you’re not getting elsewhere?