To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

But if the person having the photo taken has had a confidence that made them feel empowered about themselves then it surely isn't up to us to decide it isn't empowering for them. Empowerment is a feeling. That's my point really. If OP found the photoshoot empowering then it was empowering for her regardless of what any of us think.

I think you'll get more of a boost by popping them in a nice album you can look at from time to time/when you need a boost.

"And where will she learn to embrace and not be ashamed of her own sexuality?"

Take it from a mother of three, two in their twenties, one in their teens (14 tbp), that is none of your damned business. If I'd thought at fourteen that my own mother was worrying about me "embracing my sexuality", I'd have felt seriously creeped out, died of cringe, and felt like leaving home, and I'd fully expect my own kids to under such circumstances.

All children need from their parents is to feel loved, respected whatever their talents, academic capabilities etc, and that they are lovely and worthy of love. whatever their size or shape. They do not need a parent fretting about them "embracing their sexuality". Give them the above and that aspect will come naturally.

And they most definitely do not need a picture on the wall in their home, of a parent in their skimpies, absolutely one hundred percent no.

Presumably if head injuries are a concern when pole dancing you wear a helmet? I mean this is an empowering sport, nothing to do with what you look like for men, right?

She is paying to be a subject of a photoshoot. She isn’t modelling anything - models are modelling the use of products that a company is looking to sell. The model is paid for that (because of their specific skillset aka looking a way that consumers want to emulate), not the other way around. Now you might pretend not to understand this distinction but anyone who sees or hears about this picture will understand it and their reaction to it will be informed by that.

If she feels empowered by a photo that looks nothing like her.....that is a real indication she needs to find better ways of validation. She may "feel" empowered but she is anything but...

And maybe a remote - so that if you had a gentleman caller who you wanted to see it, you could press the button, and - voila….!

So you feel so empowered by the photos and the experience that you have to tell your daughter not to tell your mum about it? Yes that works.

I honestly don’t know why you’d want it on display for just yourself to see. Yes if you had a live in partner it could add some spice to the bedroom but what you going to do admire it by yourself everyday? Just pop it in a draw and get it out at leisure.

@Notgoingononlyfansyet. This is so cringe.

I feel deeply sorry for your daughter.

Just stop it!

That’s whatever, right up until she proposes to put it on public display in her child’s home. (And a purportedly private space where you’re aware your dogs will show it to visitors is very clearly a public display). Then it becomes not about how OP feels.

It would be pretty impossible to pole dance in a heavy helmet, your balance would be completely off 😂 do you suggest everyone should wear helmets in aerial dance practices or just the one you don't like because of its sexualised history?

But like... most pole classes are women bigging up other women...there is a whole culture of women reclaiming sexuality and body confidence for themselves in pole culture in the UK.its great

But aside... I honestly don't know why you have a problem with hetrosexual women wanting men to find them attractive, like yes I want my sexual partner to find me sexually attractive and if I wasn't in a relationship then I'd want other men to find me sexually attractive, because I enjoy sex and I find male desire towards me a turn on if I am also interested in them. Oh no. A women feeling good about sex, wanting sex and enjoying their sexuality...a shocker 🙄

Could you hang it on the back of your bedroom door? So it’s visible to you when you’re alone (or with a boyfriend) in your bedroom with the door shut, but isn’t noticeable to your daughter or her friends if they walk past your room and the door’s open.

Does nobody else on this thread have a couple of Facebook friends who have shared their photos and even had them as profile pics? 🙈 I can think of two on my friends list. God knows what their kids think but I imagine everyone has cringed then scrolled on.

Is there absolutely nowhere else it can go apart from facing the dog-opened bedroom door? There are three other walls in your bedroom?

Come off it, this is predominantly a parenting site. Most of us haven’t had immaculate conceptions. Everyone likes getting their hole and associated enjoyment, that’s not special, you just keep it away from kids.

HUGE difference in wanting sex, wanting to feel desired and having a totally unrealistic photo on the wall that doesn't look like you. Be desired for who you are, what you REALLY look like, how you carry yourself, your confidence, your own innate beauty instead of some cringy, heavily edited, heavily posed, orchestrated effort to look sexy hanging on your bedroom wall.

Pole dancing is gymnastics. Other types of gymnasts don't wear helmets and also wear clothing appropriate to the sport, which includes getting the friction grip of bare skin. However, other forms of gymnastics haven't been hijacked so that ignorant people see them as nothing more than male-centred sexual display.

Helmets are heavy and interfere with vision, so one has to weigh up the pros and cons of wearing them. Funnily enough, people find this easier to understand when the gymnastics prop is a bench, rings, bars, silks, aerial hoops or just the floor.

My Mum had a similar photo hanging in our living room about 20 years ago. My friends still take the piss out of me for it now and for years at school I was borderline bullied for it. Please keep it to yourself

Good idea on back of the bedroom door, just don't be surprised when he asks who it is.

I look exactly like me in my shots.

Just photographed amazingly well from excellent angles with brilliant lighting by a talented professional.

I had over 100 shots taken. My viewing was 30 mins after we finished the shoot. You really think there was time to Photoshop me to within an inch of my life, or waist?!

I look like me. But stunningly better in the shots than anyone has ever taken before.

Deeply embarrassing for your DD and her mates. Sorry OP!

I wish I could be surprised by the number of people on here who have gone for various veiled ways of trying to insinuate that OP must be ugly.

As for the ones saying they haven't seen these shots since the 80s, they had a revival that started around 2010 when the vintage/burlesque thing kicked off and they're still popular now with lots of photographers offering the shoots. Do keep up.

Edited for typos.

There isn't a huge difference though as it's the feelings that make someone feel desired, and if this photo makes the OP feel desired then good for her.

I struggle to see where the empowerment comes from if it isn't coming from a sexist place. Women who I think are empowering are women like Michelle Obama, Jackie Weaver (remember her?), Angela Merkel, Malala Yousafzai. Not Jodie Marsh, Linda Lusardi or Katie Price. It only feels empowering because men drool over pictures of scantily clad women and once done up and with the right lighting you feel you have succeeded. All that has happened is that you have accepted that your value and power is in how you look and is perceived by men. It's easy to convince yourself you are doing it for you, but you only feel good because men has put a value on your body.

This!

Someone I know had it as her cover photo on Facebook.