To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

I think it’s a bit weird anyone displaying a photo of themselves in their home. A family photo is different but a photo of just you on display is odd. The nature of the photo doesn’t bother me, just the ‘look at me’ aspect of displaying photos of yourself

Disgusting?

Get a grip. Stop being so fucking nasty. She isn't naked and it isn't porn. She has high wasted briefs on, a bra AND A JACKET

Jesus Christ. Do you look disgusting in underwear then?

I’m totally comfortable with her going to either. They are trusted adults. Why would I think they weren’t? I’m not uncomfortable with the school needing to see it. They’d probably laugh. None of you would look twice if you saw it on the back of a bus. You certainly wouldn’t cover your children’s eyes. It’s not even PG. She’s seeing stuff like this every day, and so are all her friends. I wish I could post it! It would be such a let down for everyone after all this.

If she’s uncomfortable, that’s a good reason to share it. If she’s being teased, it’s a good reason. If someone pressures her to share it, it’s a good reason. Those adults are fine to share it with. Laughing at me with her mates, just casually telling the postman or ‘showing’ my mother on FaceTime (who would likely screenshot and proudly show her friends and my stepfather unless I expressly asked her not to!) are not. That goes for anything personal. Surely you can see the difference? She might not unless I told her. She’s ND. And it’s private. I’m entitled to privacy in my bedroom. Not from her, but for her not to pass on. Actually, I’m entitled to privacy around my photos anyway. I would NEVER share any photo she asked me not to, other than for a medical reason.

BUT the wasted time and effort and paperwork for all concerned, and the fact that if concerns are raised, lengthy procedure must be followed (and quite correctly too) would mean taking resources from already overstretched services and potentially prolong actual abuse. Despite the the fact that anyone with half an ounce of sense would laugh if they saw it, I don’t want to do that and detract from children who have real safeguarding needs. So that is a good point and I won’t be going there. (Although why that would be ok if it were on the back of the door or in the en suite, I don’t don’t know)

Disgusting?? You've clearly got some issues going on.

Oh god no. The idea that as a child/teen my mum could have had up poster size half naked pictures of herself looking 'overtly sensual' and hung where my friends could see them......well at best I'd never be inviting friends round again.

I have no idea personally what's empowering about being photographed nearly naked in very forgiving lighting and then photoshopped to within an inch of your life so that it hardly even looks like you. But if that makes you feel better then great, just keep it to yourself.

“I’m fine with my mother having sex. She’s an adult, why wouldn’t I be? I don’t want to witness it. I don’t want to discuss it in any detail with her, the way I might with a really close friend.”

Therein lies your answer. It’s great that you’re rediscovering the sexual desire side of your life - genuinely that’s great. However your daughter doesn’t want to witness it, or know about it in any detail. That includes not seeing sexy pictures of you.

Print it, frame it, but keep it for yourself. Do not hang it where she will see it. One of her friends WILL take a photo of it and share it everywhere.

Id suggest ordering a really nice album or folio from your photographer. The photos will be there for you to look at, beautifully presented, but won’t destroy your daughters social standing.

Why? This is 100 percent a you issue.

She had a photo taken she feels so good about herself in that she put it on her wall. It probably increased her body confidence which probably improved her ability to enjoy sex.

I can't imagine feeling embarrassment for a friend in this situation. Why would you feel embarrassed your friend did something that made her feel good about herself.

Who is it that you want to see it? For you? If so just have it on your phone so you can look at it. If you want other people to see them then I do find that quite weird. I also don't get what is empowering about it?

@M340

OK fair enough the wording has not been very tactful I take your point.

To put it in less loaded terms; but hopefully getting across what an awful idea this is:

1. Advertising the fact that someone paid to make you look sexually attractive managed to make you look sexually attractive is not an endorsement. It tends to suggest you had to pay someone to get that effect. That may be unfair but that is the conclusion most people will draw.
2. Looking sexually attractive (with a lot of lighting and makeup), is not something most people want to show off as one of their life accomplishments. What about the non sexual accomplishments? Are they not more important? It is not empowering to focus on your sexuality as your only or main accomplishment.
3. Whatever you would do in the privacy of an adult home, your kids will not be comfortable with soft porn pictures of their parents. Nor does it send a great message to girl children about self esteem and life goals.
4. It’s incredibly dated. It was considered embarrassing in the late 80s era of hair metal, the peak of embarrassing public erotica.

Well, yeah, that’s the other thing the level of pisstaking/opprobrium is going to depend on. I could be wrong but I’d hazard a guess that 30 years ago, your mum didn’t pay a business for that photo to be styled, taken and heavily edited, which is what OP’s done. And if people were saying your mum looked like a model, aka more attractive and (certainly at that time) slimmer than the average person, she probably did. Most people don’t. These photos might be really nice and make OP look more glamorous than she does day to day, but it’s a fact that a photoshoot paid for by the subject is unlikely to look like an actual modelling shoot.

"Brazen", good God. It really is 200 years ago on this place sometimes.

Other people don't need your permission to dress how they like or decorate their homes how they like. That's not how consent works.

If you knew one of her school friend’s dad had a large print hanging in his bedroom of him only wearing a thong and trying to look sexy, would you think of him as empowered and successful or a bit sleazy and vain? That’s what some of her friends and their parents will be thinking.

All it takes is for one of her ‘friends’ to take a quick photo of the print on their phone and your daughter’s school days will be utterly miserable.

You must remember how girls in friendship groups fall out occasionally and do stupid things during their teenage years?

Why would you be willing to risk that?

Keep the prints on your phone for now until she’s left home.

The background on my phone? So, it’s not ok to display in my private room, but it’s ok to carry it around in public and wave it at cashiers and bus drivers? That’s a very, very different definition of private than mine.

If she’s uncomfortable, that’s a good reason to share it. If she’s being teased, it’s a good reason. If someone pressures her to share it, it’s a good reason. Those adults are fine to share it with. Laughing at me with her mates, just casually telling the postman or ‘showing’ my mother on FaceTime (who would likely screenshot and proudly show her friends and my stepfather unless I expressly asked her not to!) are not. That goes for anything personal. Surely you can see the difference? She might not unless I told her. She’s ND. And it’s private. I’m entitled to privacy in my bedroom. Not from her, but for her not to pass on. Actually, I’m entitled to privacy around my photos anyway. I would NEVER share any photo she asked me not to, other than for a medical reason..
It is not a child's job to be responsible for any sexy images of their parent(s).

She's neurodiverse. To prioritise hanging your sexy photos around over modelling clear boundaries would be unreasonable.

Can you not see how confusing the message would be:
You're a child and shouldn't be seeing sexy photos from adults, unless it's mum in which case they'll be around the house because it's empowering. But definitely be aware that if other adults send you suggestive material then that's wrong because you're a child. Whilst we're at it, you must tell someone if an adult sends or shows you suggestive content, but not if it's mum. And adults telling children to keep secrets is problematic, unless it's mum, in which case that's about privacy. Actually you could share, but you may only do it in these specific situations to adults that I may or may not have told you you can talk about it, and definitely not to certain other relatives.

What's wrong with adults keeping their sexy stuff to themselves instead of inventing a range of rules and conditions that blur boundaries and leave kids with mixed messages?

The bus driver is definitely not checking out the wallpaper on your phone when you pay with Apple Pay, you know that OP?

damn, the world really does revolve around you, doesn’t it?

I think I would have a chat and say that as she is getting older, bedroom boundaries need to be established for both of you. Random friends shouldn't be wandering around your bedroom at all and maybe change your bedroom door furniture so the dogs can't open the door. You are entitled to privacy.

I think all the "heavily edited" comments are cruel.

Most professional photographers do not heavy edit unless asked. The effects in the photo are usually done with make up and lighting with minor editing on temporary things like spots unless the model asks for heavier edits.

To assume that the OP only looks hot in her photo because of heavy editing is gross, unfair, likely untrue and is only designed to put her down because why? Because she had the audacity to have sexy photos? Please 🙄

This in a nutshell.

You paid for someone to MAKE you look like that. The right lighting, the touchups, the expert makeup....sure we can all be goddesses in that situation. They can make anyone look fantastic, it's their job. It's not real and it is certainly not an accomplishment that you paid someone to make you look like this. I wouldn't be adding it to the list of "badass" things about you.

You need to look up the definition of "promiscuous".

Not every visitor or teenagers or older people etc will think you look sexy and that is is appropriate. I mean there are lots of sexy people but I don't want to see them in underwear/naked/bondage gear or whatever if I have a cup of tea or visit.

Who really wants to see your' sensual' side. Not your daughter surely or her friends! Some teenagers would find that really cringey

Because it's true, anytime I have seen any of these photo's the women look noting like they do in real life. Like putting a filter on and thinking you honestly look like that.

If this is the typical type of boudoir shots of:

Dimmed / soft ighting
Soft focus
Semi naked using props to cover part of self
OTT jewellery
OTT make up
Wide eyed / upward look yo camera to stretch neck / hide softened tissue round face

They scream not sexy trying to be sexy - I won't say they are for middle age women as I hate ageism and a suggestion middle age or older women cant be sexy, confident, awesome as they bloody well can, but a boudoir shot does not do any of these, they just have a stereotype dated look that is obvious.

These shots don't show your potential, they are old fashioned smoke and mirrors.

Showyour dd your potential and your achievements as you are doing, single parent having your home, career, confidence etc, nit something that reduces you to cheesy object to be looked at.

I guess with the right lighting and good filters and wrinkle removing apps etc etc etc most of us would look like a model but then sit next to the 'heavily altered picture' and it's usually nothing like the person - think facebook heavily filtered selfies - oh my you look so good (person looks about 18 and pouting and so filtered it could almost be a avatar). Now that is laughable.

The reason why many women find this kind of thing empowering is because we are bombarded in society with images of other women looking like this due to professional staged photos etc. It is everywhere. Walk down the high street. Therefore the concept and also visually seeing for themselves that they too can look "hot" just like all the images they see is empowering to many women.

I don't think you get to define what other women feel empowered by. Sexual empowerment in a world that shames women for being sexual beings and enjoying sex is valid even if it's not your bag.

Even without a kid in the house, I’d think it was cringe. Especially with hat and pearls-80s soft focus porn. But if it were my house and I wanted to display something I was proud of, I wouldn’t care too much about what others think. But to spare your dd, hang it on the inside of your wardrobe.