Sister announces wedding just before mine

[Finallygettingmarried]

Due to get married in Feb next year, has been planned almost a year.
Nothing big and flashy, but a small do with family and friends, very low key and rustic, in quaint little village hall.

Sister called to let me know she's getting married just before Xmas (this year), she's been married before and they're planning a small ceremony too.

I'm normally very laid back and really don't have much of an ego about stealing thunder. And of course, I'm really happy for them.

But it just made me feel a bit..funny?! Am I being stupid?

For a bit of background, we get on okay, we've had our ups and downs, but we get on fine now. Very different people - she's quite 'showy' and materialistic I guess, very competitive and I prefer a more quiet life. But she's a nice person and can be caring (sometimes!).

What do you think?

I think you’re really overthinking this. It isn’t even in the same year. I can’t see what difference you think this makes?

People will tell you YABU but you really are not being unreasonable, at all. If it’s in her nature she’s probably happy thinking she got there first. All you can do is smile and wish her well. It won’t matter in the grand scheme of things x

It’s not “just before” your wedding it’s months before your wedding.

2 months is a long time and with Christmas/New Year in the mix. It's really not too close

So 2 months ahead? Yabu, it's not her fault you booked so far ahead. What are you suggesting, if 2 months isn't enough of a gap!

OP you will be told YABU and a Bridezilla but actually I totally 100% get where you’re coming from. There’s an etiquette about these things with close family IMO

Don’t overthink it and put a downer on your own day.

It's not really JUST before yours is it, that would be the day or week before yours!

Just enjoy your wedding - better yet, your marriage.

I think it depends - if they're doing a small ceremony 2+ months before, then it's Christmas, NYE and the whole of jan + some Feb - no one will be linking the weddings at all or comparing imo. It's not as if they've booked a 5 star hotel wedding the week before!

If they've been married before (have you, or is this your first?) perhaps they're not thinking the same way you are?

Absolutely fine. She might want to just get it over and done with and christmas is a popular time so its either do it quick or wait a year. Not everyone wants to wait ages.

Etiquette does usually dictate that this is poor form but unless you move in those circles it's irrelevant.

I think you need to explain why you feel funny about it before I can vote.

YABU it's months before yours!

Our family had two weddings a fortnight apart because of an important overseas contingent - so closer than you and your sister. It didn't really matter to either couple. I can see it's a bit of a breathtaker of an announcement, but yours is two months later. I'd just wish her well as a pp has said, and crack on with your own lovely wedding. Congratulations BTW!

It's not even the same year

But I get why you want your wedding first esp as she's been married before

But it's a small one

You may find as it's only 2mths notice some won't manage to make it esp around Xmas time

Sure you will have a lovely time

She’ll do well organising a wedding this side of Christmas plus everyone will find it as big hassle at that time of year when there’s so many other things going on. And it’ll be quickly forgotten as everyone will immediately move on to Xmas.

If anything people will be really annoying and spend a lot of her wedding asking people if they are going to your wedding.

P.S. I know it's not a given but I would be prepared for a pregnancy announcement too. Often these follow quickly arranged weddings.

But it just made me feel a bit..funny?! Am I being stupid?

Funny how?

Are you worried that if people go to your sisters wedding first they’ll not want to attend another one a couple of months after?

Or are you worried that she’s materialistic and showy that you think hers is going to trump yours?

Either way, your entitled to have your wedding when you want and your sister is entitled to have her wedding she wants.

No one is going to steal anyone’s thunder. Like you say, you’re different types of people. You’ll have different weddings.

Life is too short to be upset about something like this. Very “first world problems”.

This

It wouldn't bother me but I suppose if your relationship is not great then I could understand not feeling too happy about it, 2 months difference is decent enough though.
I wouldn't say anything imo.

I just do not see how this has any bearing on your wedding whatsoever. I definitely think yabu.

YABU OP. If they wanted to save money they have very little choice to get it done soon-ish.

Winter weddings are the cheapest, Oct- Feb. March - April cost a bit more then that, then the summer months are full on wedding seasons everything shoots up in price and most vendors are fully booked!

Even April/May would be close to your wedding so you wouldn't be happy. Otherwise it's wait a whole year and personally as someone who hated wedding planning and just wanted the darn thing to hurry up and finish I CBA wait that long.

They've done it well just before Xmas rather than get any closer to you. I'd be HAPPY actually that this shows some consideration. If anything it's them that will get a smaller turnout.

Not bad for someone you deem 'showy and materialistic'.

Btw.. you know a small wedding doesn't necessarily mean 'less materialistic' right? You could have a small venue but buy loads of expensive themed things... especially if you use words like 'quaint' and 'rustic' to describe your wedding venue.

Or you could go for an all-inclusive package with all the standard deco included which can work out much cheaper, like a licensed restaurant.

Just before = a few weeks , not a couple of months and a different year .

So when would be acceptable?

Thanks everyone. It seems split really with some understanding why I might feel a bit like that and others thinking it's not an issue (and probably thinking I'm a bit nuts!).

I think -being honest- we have an odd relationship. Long and complicated history. She seems to just call me to announce exciting things (rarely asks about my life) and essentially glamorise everything in hers. Realise that may make me sound jealous but I'm honestly not. I had a lot of drama in my youth and I bloody love my quiet life now!!
She can also be lovely at times. She is also quite a harsh critic of mine.

First time getting married for me.

Completely appreciate it's not actually 'just before', and that we've got Xmas and new year etc.
Looking forward to our wedding and of course, over the moon for her! (feel like a right diva now!!