Sister announces wedding just before mine

[Finallygettingmarried]

Due to get married in Feb next year, has been planned almost a year.
Nothing big and flashy, but a small do with family and friends, very low key and rustic, in quaint little village hall.

Sister called to let me know she's getting married just before Xmas (this year), she's been married before and they're planning a small ceremony too.

I'm normally very laid back and really don't have much of an ego about stealing thunder. And of course, I'm really happy for them.

But it just made me feel a bit..funny?! Am I being stupid?

For a bit of background, we get on okay, we've had our ups and downs, but we get on fine now. Very different people - she's quite 'showy' and materialistic I guess, very competitive and I prefer a more quiet life. But she's a nice person and can be caring (sometimes!).

What do you think?

At least it's not 3 weeks before your wedding.
Eldest brother planned his wedding for neatly a year and then my youngest brother and his wife decided they were going to get married 3 weeks before. Youngest brother's was very small about 12 people and eldest brothers was much bigger.
Eldest brother and SIL were really annoyed (everyone was really although we tried not to make a big deal of it). The weddings were totally different but still think it was mean.
In your case it's 2 months and I'm not really sure what an appropriate amount of time is, or do you just think she should have got married next year and announced it after your wedding?
I can kind of understand that feeling.

I don't see the issue at all. Why does it matter? Your sister has already been married before anyway.

Family can be equally excited for both, it doesn't have to be a competition and they are months apart, not weeks apart.

Although DH and I got engaged the day after my sister's wedding but we didn't announce it for just over 2 months when we got my engagement ring.

DB and I ended up getting married three weeks apart. It didn't cross my mind (or his) that it was a problem.

If it was June for the first and August for the second wedding, no one could say they were ages apart. Typical MN putdowns.
I'd say it's entirely reasonable for different family members to get married months apart.

It seems odd to me that anyone would be so self-absorbed to think they get to dibs multiple months of the year for a wedding unless there were some fairly large reasons (eg wedding requires a lot of international travel for many immediate family members so two close together would be awkward for guests / there's a damaged relationship that's toxic).

It is a bit cheeky and inconsiderate of her. But I dont think it matters as much since its her second wedding.

I honestly don’t understand why it would be a problem? Can someone enlighten me? I’m not really bothered by weddings (didn’t even want to go to my own 😆) and they weren’t a big thing in my family growing up, so maybe that’s why I just don’t get it.

Thanks again for replies. They kind of reflect my own thoughts really (why the hell am I even giving a second thought, coupled with feeling a bit off about it).

Great suggestion from a poster to kill her with kindness, and that's what I've been doing. So much so, I probably sounded like a crazy person on the phone when she told me, going on about how amazing it is and how happy I am for them!
I am happy for them, of course.

We just have weeeeird history and I don't trust her (just in general, not even specifically about this). Is that an odd/paranoid thing to say about your sister? Maybe it's underlying sibling rivalry.
but if that's the case, again - just let her get on with it. It doesn't need to affect me.

I need to stop thinking don't I?!

Could it be that this has stirred some deep feelings, OP? Perhaps she has form for trying to one-up you and you don't trust her motives.

I would be annoyed too OP.

Yes MsRosley, I think it has...

This happened to us with my husband's brother. It was about 6 weeks before and was a stressful, huge wedding. It definitely upset me in terms of joining a new family and we just couldn't relax as had loads on with our own wedding planning.
It doesn't matter now but I have noticed since that he is jealous of my husband and other siblings so this was the source in my view.

I get exactly where you are coming from. It feels like she is deliberately stealing your thunder a bit. That might not be her motivation, but given your history it could well be.

Probably more importantly, a wedding is an occasion for extended family to get together and catch up. It won’t be so special at yours if everybody has only just done it a couple of months before. I guess this might be part of why you feel weird.

I'd be the exact same op, I'd not want it to bother me, I'd try to ignore it but deep down I think I'd feel a little put out. The run up is a big part of it too and if I'm really honest (knowing it sounds ridiculous) I'd be a bit worried that the run up to my wedding would be a little taken over by the run up to her wedding and then talking about her wedding because there always is a wee buzz after that lasts a while. But hopefully you've plenty of people that will still focus on your day and your planning with you to make it feel special, because it is special and you deserve to have a little fuss made.

If you don't trust her I would think about how much of your plans you share with her. I had two family weddings one booked a month ahead of the other and then the one who went first used a lot of the music and entertainment the second had planned and then kicked up a huge stink about the second one copying even though that wedding was booked first. People can get super competitive about ridiculous things when it comes to weddings but hopefully it was just that they wanted a Christmas wedding specifically and didn't want or need to wait a year.

Your day will still be amazing either way!

I'd be pissed if it was on the same day but that's all

Hopefully she just got a bit carried away with excitement/i'm not sure if older or younger, if they are pregnant/feel a pressing need so are marrying fast, maybe even a second wedding, just doing the ceremony, and want it done type thing? Either way, i'd say the large scale announcing etc was a bit inconsiderate. We got married a 2 months after my SIL and BIL, but we were pregnant, so we were doing it quietly on a planned timeline for the birth at the request of a very elderly family member. We actually eloped, just the two of us a month before their wedding with our small reception being after their big day, but didn't post pictures/any announcements to social media, and I left it up to my DH to discreetly tell his siblings without ruffling feathers, and I hope we didn't upset anyone. As someone said, maybe kill her with kindness if you see her, otherwise, I wouldn't really engage/bring it up. Focus on your big day with your husband to be, and quiet out the noise from the outside.

I had my wedding planned in October and my then arranged her wedding in September.

I was really happy and it meant we could get excited together and we went to try on wedding dresses together it didn't for a second cross my mind at all that it was anything other than a good/exciting thing

Be grateful that you don't have my (step)sister. She literally stood up in the speeches at my wedding and announced she'd got married in secret the week before because she didn't want her little sister getting married before her!
All eyes on her then.

Definitely sounds, from the backstory you've given, that she is trying to steal some of your thunder. Out of your control of course so just smile and be charming, let her take satisfaction from it if it really matters that much to her. If she's insistent on indulging in some teenage sibling rivalry then leave her to it.

eeek.

that's a doozie.

did she not realise she was just making herself look desperately insecure? I presume she had a man to marry and didn't quickly shop around for a groom

Could be worse my brother decided to get married a few months after us at the exact same venue! I was more annoyed about the same venue than I was about him getting married a couple of months after us. They had been together for years and years and all of a sudden decide to get married at the same venue as us!

@Scruffington yes she'd been living with her bloke for years and they'd just never married until she decided I wasn't doing it first! I just thought she was ridiculous as did my friends. I bought her a bottle of champagne and did 3 cheers, don't think she appreciated it somehow 🤣 (funnily enough we're not close)

So if she booked it for April which is also a two month time gap, would you be OK with it?

Are you wound up because it's 2 months before yours?

I'm not sure if I would be this bothered. It sounds like these will be two very different weddings, they're not very close in time and there are big events in between ie Christmas and NY. Even the dates will be very different as they fall in different years.

You're probably upset because you think she's rushing in to get in there before you and be in the centre of attention. This may be right. But do you truly care? This isn't who you are by the sounds of it so let it go. People will experience your wedding differently as it's different people and a different party, it's not really comparable, is it.

Overthinking in my opinion, or maybe I committed a faux pas!

I got engaged to my DP, about a year later found out I was unexpectedly pregnant. Complicated pregnancy in and out of hospital, decided to shelve wedding until after baby but we wanted to marry soon as I was feeling comfortable in myself again after. We thought would take at least a year but hopefully soon after. I say wedding, registry office with just parents and siblings was the plan, same people for meal after.

Late in my pregnancy my DSis got engaged to her DP. Very happy for her. She booked a wedding for when my baby was going to be 15 months old. We had no firm plans, didn't own the time. Gave a conundrum - have the wedding close to hers or wait an even longer time to get married, even though had been 3 years of engagement at that point. She had a bigger wedding with lots invited, we were just having parents and siblings. Bar the couple getting married, only our parents were going to be at both weddings so we went for it. She never voiced any displeasure, still a couple months between.

Perhaps she just wants a little bit of your happiness and excitement to rub off on her. All weddings are different and yours with be extra special because it’s your day. Enjoy your sister’s wedding then start the countdown for yours. Best wishes.