Sister announces wedding just before mine

[Finallygettingmarried]

Due to get married in Feb next year, has been planned almost a year.
Nothing big and flashy, but a small do with family and friends, very low key and rustic, in quaint little village hall.

Sister called to let me know she's getting married just before Xmas (this year), she's been married before and they're planning a small ceremony too.

I'm normally very laid back and really don't have much of an ego about stealing thunder. And of course, I'm really happy for them.

But it just made me feel a bit..funny?! Am I being stupid?

For a bit of background, we get on okay, we've had our ups and downs, but we get on fine now. Very different people - she's quite 'showy' and materialistic I guess, very competitive and I prefer a more quiet life. But she's a nice person and can be caring (sometimes!).

What do you think?

You'd probably have a point if it was a fortnight before yours and you know that a large number of the guest list would overlap.

But she's getting married months before you so you're being unreasonable.

What's the need to be "first"?
It's literally not a race, and if she's been married before then she already won it!

Seriously I don't see why it's better to go first? Or why you think that means she's trying to one up you? I am more likely the first one as a warm up for second

They're a couple of months apart, no one else will link them, other than may e from some of the relatives you only really see at weddings funerals etc, we had a wedding and a funeral in pretty quick succession last year, the wedding second and the only comments were around, nice to see you again so soon in happier circumstances.
The only reason I'd be annoyed is if people are traveling and might only travel for one because of distance, but it sounds like your invitations will have gone out before hers anyway.

I understand. You'll be told you're being unreasonable etc etc but yes, it's OK to feel a bit funny about it.

My brother got engaged before me and we were both planning weddings at the same time. I'd have liked a wedding at the time of year they picked but I chose a later date as I didn't want to tread on their toes. We all get on very well but I thought it was the right thing to do.

Hmmm...I did this to my sister but she had a 3 year engagement/wait and I planned a year ahead. There was 3 months between the weddings. I didn't want to wait longer than a year and I didn't want a winter wedding. I felt bad. I knew my sister would never outwardly oppose my choice but I did worry that she would resent me.

Anyway, it had no impact on invite acceptances. We both had a lovely time wedding planning together in the build up. I think that as long as your sister's wedding has no impact on your guest attendance then it shouldn't be a problem. By that I mean, that you don't have family living in the US or something that might opt to come to your sister's wedding instead of yours for whatever reason etc.

No one cares about anyone’s wedding this much.
No one will think it as ’stealimg thunder’.
Mostly they will think (for those who are going to both) the money, time, effort they have to spend on, yet, another wedding.

If it was 2 weeks before I would understand you feeling put out but 2 months? No, I think you are being a bit precious.

If she wants a winter wedding then might not want to have to wait another year. She may not even have considered you may be upset by this because there is such a gap.

Honestly OP I'd have thought the same as you before I organised my own.
Having gone through the process it's such a PITA that I'd not really consider anybody else's.

But then again 'stealing my thunder' isn't one of my thoughts, I'd have happily shared a wedding with one of my cousins but she got engaged a year after me :(

Unless she actually said "I'm doing this to steal your thunder, I'm going to copy everything you do so you look like you copied us etc" - then YABU.

Two family weddings is a thing to celebrate.

Assuming here could be shared guests at both weddings, family members etc, I suspect they will think your sis has being unreasonable by laying it on so close. The cost etc

But she's prob got a cheap deal, a cancellation and decided to go for it.

How is two months "months before"? (for all those saying Christmas is months before February) Im baffled.
I get why you are a bit narked op. I would be too. But your best bet I think is to ignore those feelings and carry on as planned.

what exactly are you annoyed about here? the weddings are months apart, to me it seems you're just jealous she's getting her wedding first but i really don't see how that will take away from your day at all... you're not the first person to ever get married, and she’s not living her life to abide by the convenience of yours, she’s just as entitled to a wedding as you are and who are you to say when she should have HER wedding to suit you? Please

i have a friend who was pissed off that I got married before her after only being engaged a few months whereas she had been planning her big day for 2 years.

Dh totally surprised me with a proposal and we decided to get married that year (year 2000) we only got engaged in the Jan so had to have a few months arrange a wedding,

couldn’t do
June cause my gran was on holiday
July my mum was on holiday
August my friend was getting married
September my only uncle was on holiday
October was starting to get into the colder months.

so we chose May and it caused problems, our weddings were so different, me small intimate personal day, hers extravagant with over 200 people.

out of a friend ship group of 4 people 3 of us got married that year. That’s just how it works when you are all at that age.

as it was my brother got married a couple of months after me too.

I can see why you feel put out and it sounds like you suspect she did it deliberately, which is very annoying but at the same time, rather pathetic. Rise above it. It won't affect your wedding - a second wedding in the family within a couple of months doesn't mean yours is any less special for you and your spouse to be.

You'll be thrilled in the new year when hers is over and you have yours to look forward to 😀. Much better than the other way around.

By the way I think it is nonsense people saying it's in a different year - yes it is date wise, but that makes it sound like it's a long time beforehand. If it was June for the first and August for the second wedding, no one could say they were ages apart. Typical MN putdowns.

you're both just signing a contract, what's the fuss?

It would be perfectly acceptable to have one June and one August

Handy for the guests - they can re-wear the same outfit!

I think you're bonkers. Its not even the same year. Definitely overththinking

Yabu

I would be annoyed if just before wedding. By that I would mean one or two weeks before. I dont think before Christmas is a problem. I expect there is some practical reason like that is the only date they have at the venue they want or work holidays.

TBH she sounds very insecure and rather jealous of you!

Only insecure people do this kind of shit. I'd just say "How lovely, am so pleased for you etc" - kill it with kindness if you can.

If she is critical of you just say No, I haven't invited your critique of my actions nor have I sought your advice. Be blunt and honest. If she persists say you're busy, bye. Hang up.

Not necessarily the OP but I think there's a big gulf between the people who see it as some massive event, worth waiting for. And those who don't.
The former don't see why the latter can't 'just wait', but there are only so many 'free' dates for people a year. Add in the desired season and venue availability, the decision space reduces even more!

We were engaged in June, waited to plan the wedding post a house purchase, which was in January, like you. That was 'short notice' for the summer months and so many places were booked up + expensive, even May/April dates were thin on the ground. ESPECIALLY with all the Covid postponements still going strong.

That meant end of the year was the only viable option and quite frankly I wouldn't have postponed my wedding for anybody else's not even a sibling. Not going to wait more than a year just to avoid a perceived slight.

Seen this happen before, OP. Totally dick move. Why couldn't she just wait till yours was over?