Sister announces wedding just before mine

[Finallygettingmarried]

Due to get married in Feb next year, has been planned almost a year.
Nothing big and flashy, but a small do with family and friends, very low key and rustic, in quaint little village hall.

Sister called to let me know she's getting married just before Xmas (this year), she's been married before and they're planning a small ceremony too.

I'm normally very laid back and really don't have much of an ego about stealing thunder. And of course, I'm really happy for them.

But it just made me feel a bit..funny?! Am I being stupid?

For a bit of background, we get on okay, we've had our ups and downs, but we get on fine now. Very different people - she's quite 'showy' and materialistic I guess, very competitive and I prefer a more quiet life. But she's a nice person and can be caring (sometimes!).

What do you think?

@DisquietintheRanks
Just curious, by getting married at the same venue, what exactly did he do to you? How exactly was your life impacted? Was there injury or harm to you or someone else because he got married at the same venue?

Please explain. I have tried to imagine some kind of damage that could resulted to you, and I literally cannot come up with a single thought. Your wedding was over when his occurred, are you saying that you owned a right to a memory that he was not entitled to have?

@Mari9999 best ask @2chocolateoranges , I'm I'm bemused as you.

A colleague of mine had two nephews that were getting married. One booked their wedding for one particular weekend, then a few weeks later his brother announced they'd booked their wedding for the weekend before!

There were lots of people that had to travel for them both so some family members were torn between only being able to go to one and not the other. My colleague turned it in to a week away with a wedding bookending the week, but her husband couldn't get the time off work so spent each Friday travelling up to one wedding, then back on the Sunday to get back for work. 12 hours of travelling over those 2 weekends!

Also stopped the first couple booking a honeymoon straight after their own wedding.

So while I get that it's annoying, at 2 months difference it's unlikely to cause any mutual guests any issues. It could have been much, much worse!

Just don't give her any of your wedding ideas - keep them close to your chest as you may otherwise discover she's done them first and you'll look like the copy cat!

Oh and my colleague refused to buy a second wedding outfit, so wore the same to both! So in any family wedding photos, she's wearing the same thing! 😂

If this has made you feel funny you wouldn’t be able to cope with Hindu weddings. Often family weddings are on the same days and times and everyone (including brides and grooms) have to run around like headless chickens to not only complete their wedding rituals but participate with family too. My cousins (2 of them), married three hours previously, were guests at my wedding. Then as I wasn’t having a reception until the next day my DH and I went to both of their wedding receptions (one in Central London, the other in Essex) that very evening! Then everyone came to ours.

To be honest OP this is a non issue.

Two siblings getting married in one season, what a huge cause for celebration, especially as you claim you do not care much for flashy events etc. On each wedding day, there will be a bride and groom and all attention will be on them.

I agree with this. Even though both weddings are low key, she’s decided to book her wedding for three-months time. What’s her hurry? I personally think she’s doing it to get in first.

I get why you would feel funny, I really do. People will say they don't understand why etc but I also think you're entitled to that feeling.
However, I can say with almost complete confidence that you will look back in a few months and wonder why you were so bothered. The thought of something is often worse than the thing itself ❤️

We got married within six weeks of deciding to. It really doesn’t need to be some huge big deal with lengthy lead-up times, drum rolls creating suspense. Maybe the OP’s sister doesn’t see why she needs to delay gett8ng married longer than she wants because people associated quick wedd8ngscwoth shotgun ones?

OP ypu need to let the sibling rivalry wash over you as I have. My sister is a little like yours- but perhaps worse? Only contact was when it was all about her. Her career, her handbag, her cake recipe...When my DF passed her fiance told me that the reason they had not got married was because we had chosen the year and month that they wanted. I Only saw them once a year so waited until we met up to ask her to be my maid of honour - the wedding had been arranged 5 months prior and my parents had kept quiet as they did not want to spoil the surprise of my asking for her as they mistakenly thought she would be flattered. That same weekend they announced their engagement. What a surpirse.
The revalation that I stole their date was announced 23 years later when DF passed.... A lot of other available dates that year and any year since. We have now been married 30 years and they are still engaged, which is obviously entirely my fault. Oh, and she no longer speaks to me and has blamed me for anything and everything that has not worked in her favour, including stealing her baby name for an imaginary daughter :) (never discussed baby names with her and totally my DH idea, I thought we were having a boy) DD is 25.
Hope you wedding is as wonderful and long lasting as ours. I wish you every happiness. Enjoy it!

When you have a sibling and his wife who wants the same as you it gets a bit awkward.

we got married, they chose the same venue, wedding was almost identical.
we had a baby, they wanted a baby.
we got a new car, they wanted a new car.
we moved house, they wanted to move house.
so on and so on,

they chose to get their baby baptised just after our baby’s due date( sil didn’t want us stealing her baby’s thunder- her words.)

it gets a bit tiresome.

it may not seem much to you but life at the time seemed like a competition on their behalf, gone no contact and life is so much better.

I don't think it really matters;a huge congratulations to you both on your forthcoming weddings;it'll be a lovely positive few months for your family to enjoy these happy happy occasions with two people they love celebrating their respective marriages.

OP, I agree with @myfaceismyown that you need to let it wash over you, and have a good laugh about it if there are any more "thunder-stealing" moments.

My SIL was always competing with DH over everything, whereas he just ignored her efforts at oneupmanship.

When we announced our engagement, she announced one about 10 days later, which surprised everyone as she'd only been seeing the guy for a month. She kept asking me if we'd set a date, then when we did (having booked it all), she announced her date for the week before. MIL begged her not to, but she was determined, only she couldn't get booked anywhere. Ended up two months after us. The marriage didn't last the year.

When we announced I was pregnant, she announced an engagement to her next new boyfriend. She then arranged this wedding for the week before my due date, in another town. They weren't happy that DH and I weren't prepared to travel so close to the due date, and even more so when ILs said they would stay here to be around for the birth of the first grandchildren (twins). DC turned up the day before their wedding.

She was pregnant very quickly afterwards and by this time some of their family was taking bets on whether she'd produce triplets, because they knew she always had to trump DH,

I guess the moral of the story is that if she is doing this to upstage you, sit back and see if it all to backfires, and enjoy the entertainment. Others will notice!

If it's a one-off then just be happy for her.

No I understand how you feel. Me and my partner got engaged ages ago in January and our wedding is booked for May. Both my partners best friends got engaged only a month or so ago and their weddings are now in April and July and ours is sandwiched in the middle and it makes me feel ‘funny’ too. And by that I mean, it’s fine, I get it, people can do whatever they like, and I won’t have any beef , but…. It just kinda makes mine feel that tad bit less special I guess.
Feel how you feel and then put it quickly in a box and forget about it is how I’m going x

My sister did this. It was 20 years ago now though. I was getting married in the May had booked it months in advance, big Catholic thing, church, country house reception etc. Was so excited. Utterly focussed on ‘the wedding’. Had been dress shopping with her etc. she obv got the bug as she announced in the Nov they had booked theirs for the Feb before our planned May wedding. 3 months notice. I was so upset and felt completely upstaged. She could see no harm and was practically minded they’d gone for a bargain package at a posh venue as it was closing down. In the end I moved our wedding to August of the same year so there was a decent gap for family etc. at the time it was a major issue, lots of tears from me. I felt betrayed to be honest. There is a plot twist….I was far too focussed on my stupid wedding I nearly fell out with her. I only ended up married 15 months then had to leave him as his jealously got even worse and turned abusive. She’s been married 20 years now. I’m now 12 years into my second marriage which was a registry office and party after organised in two months. We’re thankfully still close as I didn’t let it come between us. Could have easily gone Bridezilla at the time. Moral of the story, the wedding is not as important as the marriage itself…. I know how upsetting it feels now but honestly you’re doing the right thing just letting it slide. You have your day she has hers, enjoy them both xx

OP I get it. We got married in 2016 & my cousin (we have a very close relationship) was getting married in 2017. She had reservations that the 2 weddings would be compared by guests (we
have a HUGE family), but in the end we both had such unique amazing & special days.

we couldn’t of been happier for each other & bringing the family together was what mattered the most. A lot of people will say YABU, but I understand how my cousin felt, hosting her own only a year later. You will have the most amazing day no matter what & each wedding will be remembered for their own merits.

Wasn't yours cancelled in May due to covid if 2020

Ours was 🥲

Twice

Reading the thread title and I was inclined to agree. But two small weddings, separated by months and also Christmas and New Year. I think it is fine.

It's 8 weeks before yours with Christmas and NY in between. People will feel you are first wedding in the new year and it's a totally different vibe.
A close friend arranged hers 3 weeks before mine in the summer at last minute. I was a bit like really¿ but truth be told it didn't matter one jot

My brother got married about 6 weeks after us, they'd only just met and got engaged very quickly whereas we've been together 10 years. I was a bit miffed but just focused on our wedding (which was much more fun than theirs).

Personally I think she's a selfish bitch to do that. The lime light is gone from your day all focus will be on the closest wedding and people will still be thinkin of hers in the little time yours comes around. I agree with you.

This baffles me. Do people actually think wedding guests give such a significant amount of thought to upcoming weddings that they won’t be able to think simultaneously ‘X’s wedding in December’ and ‘Y’s wedding in February’, and that their thought processes will still be grappling with the December wedding two months later?

One summer I had six weddings between May and the end of October without it frazzling my mental processes.

We got married in 2000, so been married 23 years.

I get this totally - we'd had our wedding planned for a while, then my DH's 2 brothers announced they were getting married - one 2 weeks before and the other 6 weeks after our wedding - yup BOTH of them! so all 3 weddings within 2 months of one another. And because both were abroad one had a 'party' the weekend before our wedding because they were coming over for ours anyway so thought it would be great to tag a wedding party for those who couldn't attend their's while they were over. To be fair whilst I thought it was wonderful and a bit funny, it did kind of take my breath away a bit when I first found out (not least of which because hubster had to go to the 'do' the weekend before, right across the country, leaving me with all the last minute appointments and me not being able to go because of the last minute appointments!) Anyway, now many years on its an interesting story to tell people so I can see it differently but yeah, umm its a tough one not to seem like a bridezilla but it's well..... lol!! Oh and we all had our babies within 6 weeks of one another too ;-)