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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating a man who is obsessed with his child

166 replies

Honeybu · 18/09/2023 12:12

Everything revolves around his son who is 8 ok no problem I have kids and I’m the same, but when we go out or spending time together why constantly bring up topic related to your child? How are we going to know each? I’m getting fed up. Every conversation the child will come up and not just in passing it will take over our topic and continue

OP posts:
Hibiscrubbed · 18/09/2023 17:39

IcedBananas · 18/09/2023 14:47

Yabu. Me and my DH often talk about the kids on date night together! It works for us. we’re both happy. It sounds like you just aren’t compatible. Better to accept this is who he is and if you don’t like it yanbu to stop dating him.

How is you and your H boring on about your own shared kids remotely the same as this?! 😂

TheaBrandt · 18/09/2023 17:45

The only people actually interested are the other parent and possibly grandparents.

Greenpolkadot · 18/09/2023 18:01

How far into the date does he start talking about his son ?
Doesn't he have any other interests ?
Have you tried ingnoring what he says and start talking about something totally different

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 18/09/2023 18:02

TheaBrandt · 18/09/2023 17:45

The only people actually interested are the other parent and possibly grandparents.

Agreed.

And I have two of the fuckers.

Vettrianofan · 18/09/2023 18:16

Move on and meet someone who has no baggage!

prwl · 18/09/2023 18:30

@Honeybu I’m obsessed with my child. I’m a lone parent and they are everything to me.

Do I talk about them on dates? Yes.

Do I make sure I only talk about them a small percentage of the time so that, you know, I can date? Yes.

He clearly can’t date and lacks the skills to form a relationship in my opinion!

Ilovecleaning · 18/09/2023 18:52

PixieLaLar · 18/09/2023 17:25

Totally missing the point…..🙈

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TOTALLY! 🙄

Tumbler2121 · 18/09/2023 19:05

He's just boring. If it wasn't the kid it could be going on about any other topic, fishing or cycling spring to mind, without looking to see if you're interested.

alwaysmovingforwards · 18/09/2023 20:18

Just switch the subject. If he can't because he's got nothing else in the locker, then that's what he's all about.
On you now to decide if you want to date him further.
If it's not for you, move on.
If you do, you can't then complain about it.

Doodles83 · 19/09/2023 21:32

If you have a life that revolves around your child and not much more then that will always be a talking point. But if you create more memories with him then there may be more conversation about you and him and other experiences. It’s hard to be a parent without other things going on to all of a sudden be in a situation with other things going on, if that makes sense. His world may have been very closed, and now he is trying to make it a bit bigger.

Snead808 · 20/09/2023 00:35

God this guy sounds boring. Stop dating him?

teabycandlelight · 20/09/2023 00:36

I hear you, OP. I once dated a lovely bloke but never shut up about his kids. It’s so boring when it’s the only topic of conversation.

I agree that isn’t some amazing ‘green flag’ - it’s a sign of poor social skills and a lack of self awareness.

I’ve dated guys who regularly talk about their kids, but it isn’t constant and they have other interests.

Dotcheck · 20/09/2023 01:04

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 18/09/2023 12:23

Nothing more boring than constantly hearing about someone else's child.

Agree.
You can love/ adore/ prioritise your child, but it doesn’t mean you have to talk about them all the damn time.
OP- you want someone with more conversational skills. This guy doesn’t sound like he cuts the mustard here

Guavafish1 · 20/09/2023 02:45

don't do it

givemeasunnyday · 20/09/2023 03:08

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 18/09/2023 12:28

Equally, why is this man dating if he is absorbed with his own child to the exclusion of everything else. If you are dating you should have at least some space in your life for a romantic partner.

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I agree. If someone wants to make their child their "whole world" (not healthy for either the parent or the child) then why bother dating someone? I would back off OP.

LightSpeeds · 20/09/2023 04:59

I'd want a conversation with my partner to span a range of topics. If he kept bringing it back to just ONE thing, I'd get quite annoyed too.

It sounds like maybe he hasn't got anything else to say or is so focused on his child there's no room for you. (Or, like a lot of blokes, these days, just needs to dominate the whole conversation.)

Either way, I don't think this is the man for you.

Dating191 · 29/04/2025 17:00

As someone who is a third wheel to my boyfriend and his daughter, I totally understand. I can’t have children so it makes it even worse that I have to hear about his daughter 24 seven even when I barely see him and he gets her all day because he has full custody. She decides where we go on the holidays what we do for the holidays what hotel we stay at and has full power over every vacation and activity. I’ve never felt more invisible in my entire life and it’s just going to get worse and worse. Don’t get me wrong. I completely support him being a great dad and I help out as much as I can and give the child attention but he insists the child gets 15 to 20 hours of attention a day And nobody is allowed to take a break from her. And she’s only 10 lol . I highly suggest you find somebody who can divide their attention before you become invisible like me.

CustardySergeant · 29/04/2025 17:36

ZOMBIE

Original poster
Honeybu · 29/04/2025 18:36

@Dating191 I would strongly advice to consider if you want to continue like this, you are supporting him so he should respect you and give you more time..

OP posts:
SingingKlingon · 29/04/2025 19:39

So did you stay with him OP?

Ilovecleaning · 29/04/2025 20:06

CustardySergeant · 29/04/2025 17:36

ZOMBIE

This thread popped up in my inbox. If the topic interests you it’s easy to reply without checking the date.
Why do some posters respond with that childish comment “ZOMBIE “? So bloody puerile.

MellowPinkDeer · 29/04/2025 20:07

Nope. Boring. Not for me.

LightSpeeds · 29/04/2025 20:14

It doesn’t sound healthy or balanced to me OP.

I wouldn’t be happy about it either. A person who can’t have a conversation on even a small range of subjects is going to get tedious pretty quickly.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 29/04/2025 20:16

Ilovecleaning · 29/04/2025 20:06

This thread popped up in my inbox. If the topic interests you it’s easy to reply without checking the date.
Why do some posters respond with that childish comment “ZOMBIE “? So bloody puerile.

Show quote history

It’s to warn other people it’s a zombie so they don’t waste their time replying. Chill out.

FedupofArsenalgame · 29/04/2025 20:32

bootsvsshoes · 18/09/2023 12:19

Of course his child is going to be his whole world. It shows he cares, is involved & really loves him. Green flag. Don’t date a man with kids if that’s not what you want!

I lived by that rule. No way was I going to be putting up with hearing about someone else's bloody kids while spending time with a boyfriend. I didn't want to keep going on about my own during adult time.

My current partner has 2 but they are adults and live the other side of the world so don't have to deal with it. If they had been young when I met him the ge would also be a no no

And before people go ilon about " you can't help who who fall in love with" well it's a question I'd ask before the first date . If the answer was yes to kids wouldn't bother going out for the first time never mind having a chance to get involved emotionally

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