Dating a man who is obsessed with his child

[Honeybu]

Everything revolves around his son who is 8 ok no problem I have kids and I’m the same, but when we go out or spending time together why constantly bring up topic related to your child? How are we going to know each? I’m getting fed up. Every conversation the child will come up and not just in passing it will take over our topic and continue

I think this is always going to be nice issue dating anyone with a young child/ren?
Not really, no.

Yabu. Me and my DH often talk about the kids on date night together! It works for us. we’re both happy. It sounds like you just aren’t compatible. Better to accept this is who he is and if you don’t like it yanbu to stop dating him.

Dismal.

Bet he’s not into flowers and chocolates either.

What happens when you steer the conversation away from children?

What happens when you ask him questions completely unrelated to children?

Of course she's not being unreasonable. It's not her child 😂

He sounds totally dull. Throw this one back.

To me that would be a massive green flag!

He clearly misses him terribly. I think that's a great quality and suspect he doesn't realise how much he talks about him. You could gently mention it. But mostly, it sounds like he's not really ready to date.

YANBU. Obviously the issue is that he is unable to talk about anything else, that would get really boring really fast.

Substitute kid for literally anything else and I bet most people would say you are not being unreasonable e.g.

He constantly talks about football
He constantly talks about the weather
He constantly talks about his dull hobby

etc

I used to work with a woman who would turn every conversation into being about her child and it was exhausting!

When you have kids you’re bound to talk about them to your date, especially when you’re with them a lot but there are some people that will only want to talk about their child.

If you’ve tried steering the conversation away and he still tries to steer it back then I’d move on.

Not really, sounds more like he is overcompensating.

The dad's I've known who do this were very uninvolved while with the Mother, hence the split and are now overcompensating. It's like the name tattoo shit dad's get. Who wants to fuck someone who has talked about their kid all night,? The early days should be getting to know each other, a bit of family stuff and then flirting/anticipation. He doesn't really want another romantic partner, probably just wants you to slot into his life. You don't matter.

And do you spend every single second with your friends talking about how amazing your kids are? For some reason people seem to miss the point OP is making.

Thank you. I don’t get how people are making it seem like OP is saying he shouldn’t love his child, you can love your child while also have space and time for other people, it is actually obsessive to be so absorbed with your child, or frankly anything or anyone.

He sounds like a pain in the arse. He has no idea.

Maybe hes really boring and thats his only topic of conversation.

You're right - it'd be much better if he didn't give a shit!

I understand where you are coming from. My son is my sunshine, but I wouldnt talk about him incessantly (even though I happily could).

It might be that he’s nervous and doesn’t know what else to talk about. Or because of parenting he might just not have had time in recent years to cultivate different interests. It’s hard to know.

Does he ask you about your children and have an interest in you and your life or can he literally bring everything back to his son? If so, you might have to move on….

You've missed the point by several miles, I'm afraid...

How does it make sense that he will be a wonderful partner to another woman when the issue is he can only talk about his child? What about the woman’s needs, what about the woman’s child from past relationship?

A relationship should require a lot more than talking about one single topic.

You do realize that people like this will bring literally any discussion back to his child? He will cut you off if you try to talk about anything else just so he can continue taking about his child, pease tell me how that is a wonderful relationship for anyone?

And such behaviour is to overcompensate for other failings and/or guilt. It’s not right or normal.

Our children should be our number one priory, but how healthy is it to be obsessed with them?

Of course we put our children first. That’s not what the OP is talking about. She is saying he has no perspective and is not self-aware. No-one wants to listen to someone who incessantly talks about their work/hobby/child/political views etc etc.

Yes. I don’t understand how anyone can misunderstand your post, OP. All the crap they write about putting your children first, whilst wearing halos, no doubt. Many posters on here, however, are realistic.
Most parents enjoy some child free downtime. Although I assume his son lives with his mum? He’s probably not ready for a relationship. If you’re not sure and you carry on seeing him, PLEASE do not agree to meeting his son.
I think it’s a red flag -like people who are always talking about their exes.

Can you not just say to him 'Right. Enough about our children for tonight. Let's talk about ourselves and get to know each other a bit more. Tell me about.......'

Totally missing the point…..🙈