Dating a man who is obsessed with his child

[Honeybu]

Everything revolves around his son who is 8 ok no problem I have kids and I’m the same, but when we go out or spending time together why constantly bring up topic related to your child? How are we going to know each? I’m getting fed up. Every conversation the child will come up and not just in passing it will take over our topic and continue

No, not at all. The comments suggesting this shows what an amazing Dad he is are mystifying.

See, I find being an excellent father a very worthy and attractive trait. I couldn't be with a crap dad.

However, what you're describing is extremely boring. One can be an attentive parent with harping on incessantly about one's offspring! As with everything in life, it's all about balance.

then don't date him. problem solved

I'd bet that if it wasn't his son he would be monopolising the conversation about some other passion of his.

The key thing is that he has no self-awareness or willingness to have a two-way conversation which both parties are engaged in, that to me is the red flag not what he is actually talking about.

It sounds like this is a relatively new relationship, you don't know him that well, and the problem has been there for the entire time you've known him? If so, and you've done the usual things like trying to change the subject to something specific you both enjoy or even saying "no kid talk tonight!" and he still persists, you're probably not compatible. Why keep seeing him if he bores you/you can't get close enough too see if there's something there?

Overall, it's great that he loves and centers his child but it's not healthy that he can't/won't shift focus to you/your relationship for a few hours at a time when his son's safe and taken care of elsewhere. He's very likely capable about talking about other things - assuming that he works or is in school, I doubt he's shifting the focus to Little Billy every time his boss or professor asks a question about work! - but is choosing not to when he sees you.

It wouldn't bother me as i find kids interesting but if it does you he's not right for you.

I don't agree he is obsessed, because if he was he would not be dating in the first place. He is obviously interested in women and not just his son, or there would be no dates!

This is a big, loudly flapping flag indicating a lack of basic compatibility with this man. You're not wrong to want what you want from him, but it's not in his nature to be that way. If it's bothering you this much now, imagine how it will be if you end up living together.

You can love and care for your child without talking about him or her every single time of the day.

I get where you are coming from op. I have 2 kids of my own and they will ALWAYS come first above any man I date. However, I think what you are saying is that his son is brought up in every conversation so really this man his talking about himself and his son and not really interested in getting to know you as such. There was a woman at my workplace who used to constantly talk about her grandkids and every conversation we had with her, even if it was unrelated to kids, she would always bring her family and her grandkids into the conversation somehow and turn it into a conversation all about her family. And whilst I’m sure her family was dear to her and meant the world, it really does get monotonous and boring for the other people having to listen to it.

I only ever date men with kids because then they understand my situation and I understand theirs. I love to talk about each other’s kids but I think I would find it extremely self centered, boring and monotonous if their kids were dragged up in every conversation. And although my kids mean the world to me, I wouldn’t drag them up in every conversation either.

Some people seem to lack basic skills in how to interact with people and build a rapport. I always try to make myself aware if I feel I may be talking about myself or my family/ kids too much and change the subject, ask the other person about them etc

There is no indication whatsoever whether a parent is a good parent or bad parent from how much they talk about them. None.

The only thing for sure is that the parent is boring.

When OLD I normally have a quick phone call before meeting for the first time. I recently had a chat with a man who talked constantly about his 8 year old child. Wonder if it's the same one?

It was very strange. I'm absolutely not interested in anyone else's kids. I've got my own, who I think are the best in the world, but don't mention them to dates.

We were only going to meet for a coffee, not get married!

Def red flag OP.

He should be obsessed with his child.

Nobody is saying that he shouldn’t but would you like to date someone who constantly talks about one subject all day and doesn’t seem interested in you? I just find people who talk repeatedly about either themselves or their family constantly are extremely self centered and are not interested in the other person whatsoever. Talking about your children on a date is fine. I always bring up the topic of my children and love to hear about the children of the man I’m dating, however I could not stand a full date where the whole topic is about the other person’s children. I would never just sit there and talk about my kids non stop, I like to ask questions about the other person and get to know them

just because he’s a dad doesn’t mean he has to be boring. He sounds boring

Obsessed - preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually and to a troubling extent.

Err.. no he shouldn't be obsessed.

Poor kid, and if he has built his life around everything the kids says and does, he is building himself up for a fall when the kid becomes a teen and tells him to naff off.

He sounds tedious. Probably a nice - if indulgent - dad to have, but not someone I’d want to spend my child-free time with.

Personally, I think it is great that he speaks a lot about his child. I can see though why it can be annoying, like the people that hog conversations or talk about themselves non-stop and do not ask you questions or show an interest in your life.

Why don't you just tell him nicely that you would like conversations about things other than the child? He can take it one of two ways, think this is unacceptable or else change a bit? Either way, you will not lose out, as if he does not change a little or compromise, you are unlikely to continue or you will lose interest.

God a child bore is bad enough in a friend let alone a romantic partner

I think this is always going to be nice issue dating anyone with a young child/ren? There are several ways to look at it, it’s great that he plays such a role in his DS’s life, I would rather date someone that has a active role in their child’s life than someone who doesn’t see their child? I totally get that you want to get to know him and talk about him and I would feel similar, this is one of the reasons I don't date guys with children.

If it annoys you then it’s best to end it. He obviously loves his child and wants to talk about him.

@Honeybu

I'd stop seeing him. Because anyone who talks non-stop about their child is boring. It's OK to 'be obsessed' with your child, but no need to expect others to share your obsession.

My other and bigger concern is that if he truly is 'obsessed' with his child, would he expect his child to always be put before my children IF we were to 'blend families'? Would he be able to be impartial if our children were disagreeing or if one were to upset the other or would his attitude be 'my child is always right'? Would he be able to compromise on house rules so all children are treated the same or would he expect to set different rules for his child?

Nope, too many potential problems. Most of which wouldn't be known until after you were smack dab in the middle of the situation.

Am with you op so boring.
People who talk non stop about their kids are dull.
Yeah share a funny story or ask advice whatever but it would be a big no from me having to listen to it constantly on an adult only date night.

He’s boring, simple as that. Bin him off the same way you would if he kept droning about cycling / potatoes / whatever.

I think OP would like adult conversation that doesn't include his child.

If the guy can't separate his dating life from his child he's probably not ready to date.

Can't you steer him on to other topics?

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