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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating a man who is obsessed with his child

166 replies

Honeybu · 18/09/2023 12:12

Everything revolves around his son who is 8 ok no problem I have kids and I’m the same, but when we go out or spending time together why constantly bring up topic related to your child? How are we going to know each? I’m getting fed up. Every conversation the child will come up and not just in passing it will take over our topic and continue

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 18/09/2023 13:07

You're not going to change him, so obviously he's not the man for you. I think it's wonderful that he's so enchanted with his child--he will make a good partner for another woman.

Galatine · 18/09/2023 13:10

The poor man can’t win. Mumsnet is full of women asking if not being involved with his children is a red flag!

Goldflap · 18/09/2023 13:12

gymbummy · 18/09/2023 13:05

Is it Peter Andre?

😆

Lottapianos · 18/09/2023 13:15

'Mumsnet is full of women asking if not being involved with his children is a red flag!'

Be involved with your child, just don't bore everyone else to death about them!

WillowCraft · 18/09/2023 13:16

Galatine · 18/09/2023 13:10

The poor man can’t win. Mumsnet is full of women asking if not being involved with his children is a red flag!

The OP doesn't say how much he actually sees his son. I'd suspect not that much otherwise he'd be keen to talk about something else!

Plus just talking about yourself all the time without caring about the other person means he has poor social skills and is arrogant. Not sure either of those are markers for a great dad.

Mums I know who only want to talk about their kids are the ones who work full time and have grandparents looking after them most of the weekend as well, basically rarely seeing them.

Goldflap · 18/09/2023 13:16

A man talking non stop about his children is not necessarily the same thing as a man being actively involved with them.
I'd say this is even possibly red flag behaviour but it's irrelevant because it's not what the OP is looking for.

OP it's a good thing you know what you want from dating/ a relationship and this man sadly isn't it, you learn something new each time so move on and don't lose sight of what you need.

Moonlightdust · 18/09/2023 13:16

I suggest you walk away OP. His child will come first. As it should be.

SomeCatFromJapan · 18/09/2023 13:22

He sounds like a bore. Anyone who waffles on about a topic that is fascinating to them and not their listener is a bore.

EmpressSoleil · 18/09/2023 13:22

I had a bad experience of this. The guy had moved back into his mums after the break up. His sister also lived there. He had daily contact as ex lived near by and would drop the child off at 9am (she had a morning job).

Every single morning all 3 of them would spend 3 hours just fawning over the child. It was weird tbh. I could understand it if the contact was less frequent but it was daily! When I was expected to join in (I had older DC at that time) I ended the relationship. I'm not that interested in other peoples children and it was boring just sitting and admiring the little prince!

Gingertam · 18/09/2023 13:23

I'd walk away. I hate people who have nothing to talk about except their children. Your children are your world not everyone else's. The people giving you a hard time on here are also probably the same bores who drone on about their kids too. I love my children and will talk about them but not constantly.

Fuckingfuming1 · 18/09/2023 13:24

I dated one of those actually the child was a similar age I wonder if it was him. This kid also played sport that the father was heavily involved in, and the poor kid was being coached to within an inch of his life. We just weren’t compatible at all so I threw them back and now he’s with somebody else who’s putting up with it. Interestingly, she doesn’t have children so she probably doesn’t know what normal looks like God help if she wants her own kid.

Fuckingfuming1 · 18/09/2023 13:25

Moonlightdust · 18/09/2023 13:16

I suggest you walk away OP. His child will come first. As it should be.

No it’s not about the kid coming first at all that makes the okay. Sounds like a monster for not agreeing which is not true.
My children come first, they do not occupy my every waking thought, and every conversation.

AnythingBUTnursing · 18/09/2023 13:28

Sounds dull and I guess he doesn't have much personality. Find someone else to have a laugh with! Or try changing the subject all the time he may not realise he is doing it. Might be default conversion if he is nervous. He might be trying to make you see your kids arnt an issue in the long run or visa versa.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 18/09/2023 13:28

Don't date men with kids. Honestly, especially as a parent, I do not get you at all. A man who is obviously very involved with and affectionate towards his child is an absolute win.

You're both adults with children, not teenagers. I think if what you want is the frilly romance stuff and to forget about your kids for a while, you should find someone else who wants that. But personally I'd go for the mature adult who loves his kid and isn't afraid to share that.

Askingquestions3 · 18/09/2023 13:30

I would like elsewhere OP. This relationship is not for you

BlueMongoose · 18/09/2023 13:31

He doesn't sound like a keeper to me. You're not on the same wavelength, I'm sure there will be someone else out there who is beter suited to you. And I daresay he will find someone who fits into his worldview too, but it doesn't sound to me like it's going to be you. It wouldn't be me, either.
Of course at this stage he would 'put his child/children first' as some have said, but that doesn't mean gong on about them all the time. For me, my job comes first, but I wouldn't bore other people with it by going on and on about it on a date.

PorridgeOnToast · 18/09/2023 13:31

Bit weird to constantly be talking about his kid. And pretty boring.

Seems like he is over compensating. Does the child actually exist?

SherbetLemonn · 18/09/2023 13:32

Right, well don’t go out with him then. It’s not exactly hard to figure out.

SheIIy · 18/09/2023 13:33

Parlourgames · 18/09/2023 12:24

Don’t date him. His kid is really lucky to have such a dad though.

This!

Lovely that he adores his son. Still, I couldn't be with someone who was only talking about his own child (and not balancing with convo about your life, your children etc).

Ilovenyfan · 18/09/2023 13:34

Couldn’t be doing with that (and I have DC) there is nothing more boring than people that are incapable of talking about anything other than their precious offspring.

Sweet that he’s a loving father, but I’d run a mile.

ConsuelaHammock · 18/09/2023 13:38

Adults who have nothing to talk about but their children are incredibly boring. I disagree that children have to be ‘your whole world ‘too. You’ve created little people, you have to teach them to be their own person. They’re not an extension of you!
Try to date men who don’t have children. Who could be arsed with the hassle of step kids and ex wives?

Purplewarrior · 18/09/2023 13:48

gymbummy · 18/09/2023 13:05

Is it Peter Andre?

PMSL.

Marshall564 · 18/09/2023 13:50

caffelattetogo · 18/09/2023 12:27

Since we had our kids my DH and I have a shared obsession with our kids. If we broke up, I imagine we would both keep that focus. It's pretty natural and gets you past all the annoying stuff kids do.

Well most parents feel that way about their kids, but most of us manage to have other topics of conversation when we're with other people. When I meet my friends we catch up on what's going on in our adult kids' lives and then move on to other subjects - that's normal, and it would be crushingly dull if one of us had no other conversation other than their DC.

OP, he just sounds really boring, so throw him back.

ManchesterLu · 18/09/2023 13:50

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 18/09/2023 12:23

Nothing more boring than constantly hearing about someone else's child.

Absolutely this.

But maybe he's trying to find some common ground (i.e. you both have kids?) because he's nervous about making conversation?

SleepingStandingUp · 18/09/2023 13:51

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 18/09/2023 13:28

Don't date men with kids. Honestly, especially as a parent, I do not get you at all. A man who is obviously very involved with and affectionate towards his child is an absolute win.

You're both adults with children, not teenagers. I think if what you want is the frilly romance stuff and to forget about your kids for a while, you should find someone else who wants that. But personally I'd go for the mature adult who loves his kid and isn't afraid to share that.

But you need to get to know who he is too, and vice versa. If you want to off load about a hard day or discuss things happening on the world, so you really twist every conversation to be about your child?