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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating a man who is obsessed with his child

166 replies

Honeybu · 18/09/2023 12:12

Everything revolves around his son who is 8 ok no problem I have kids and I’m the same, but when we go out or spending time together why constantly bring up topic related to your child? How are we going to know each? I’m getting fed up. Every conversation the child will come up and not just in passing it will take over our topic and continue

OP posts:
ASCCM · 18/09/2023 12:35

He sounds boring. I’m not obsessed with my kids and find it the absolute biggest turn off in men. This will not get better over time so I’d cut and run now.

FawltyTower · 18/09/2023 12:36

Of course his child is going to be his whole world. It shows he cares, is involved & really loves him. Green flag. Don’t date a man with kids if that’s not what you want!

Totally disagree.

It's possible to be a fantastic, amazing and wonderfully involved parent and NOT bore every other person around you with the minute details of your little precious's every step.

People who drone on and on about their kids to the exclusion of all else are boring as fuck. I wouldn't be friends with a woman who did it and I certainly wouldn't date a man that did!

PixieLaLar · 18/09/2023 12:37

I would think they are trying to over compensate/make some sort of point to either you or themselves.
Does he show any interest in talking about your child? Has he had other relationships since his ex or are the the first?

Freezingcoldinseptember · 18/09/2023 12:39

Dc being someone's world sets my teeth on edge. You aren't JUST a parent....

GlitchStitch · 18/09/2023 12:39

I don't agree with the posts fawning and saying what a great Dad he must be. Literally nobody would say this about a woman who droned on about her kids all the time.

whatausername · 18/09/2023 12:40

Honeybu · 18/09/2023 12:24

I think you misunderstood, I totally agree he is his world. But and a big but when we are on a date for few hours is it too much to ask to concentrate on us? What is this?

It's incompatibility.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/09/2023 12:43

Honeybu · 18/09/2023 12:24

I think you misunderstood, I totally agree he is his world. But and a big but when we are on a date for few hours is it too much to ask to concentrate on us? What is this?

Going against the grain, I'm with you.
Friend, lover, best friend, brother. I'd want to be able to have conversations with them about them and is and life and the world without everything coming back to his kid.
If this was your best mate doing it, people would be far less "oh that's AMAZING, she's such a good mom!!"

Warburtons · 18/09/2023 12:44

I had 1 date with a guy like this many years ago. It was nice to hear about his kid but after 4 hours of him talking at me about them and nothing else, not even asking how I was or anything about my life, and actually interrupting me when I tried to speak, I’d had enough. Never saw him again. I get that it’s nice he obviously cared about his kid an awful lot but on a date with someone you should at least pretend to be interested in the other person.

cardboardbox24 · 18/09/2023 12:45

I do online dating and I have kids- if I go on a date I certainly don't want the entire conversation to be dominated by discussion of their child! If I wanted to be discussing school timetables, tantrums and swimming lessons I'd have a conversation with my kids dad!

IMustDoMoreExercise · 18/09/2023 12:45

Parlourgames · 18/09/2023 12:24

Don’t date him. His kid is really lucky to have such a dad though.

I'm not so sure. Parents have to have a life away from their kids. It is not healthy.

ZadocPDederick · 18/09/2023 12:46

caffelattetogo · 18/09/2023 12:27

Since we had our kids my DH and I have a shared obsession with our kids. If we broke up, I imagine we would both keep that focus. It's pretty natural and gets you past all the annoying stuff kids do.

But do you both talk about nothing else the way this man does?

Aposterhasnoname · 18/09/2023 12:48

Don’t date him, if you resent this now, just wait till you’re living together and you can’t even have a McDonald’s till his kid is there.

HeffyAgain · 18/09/2023 12:51

Next time he's waffling on just say 'I want to get to know you, not your kid'.
If he manages an actual adult convo that doesn't involve DC there might be hope (if you like him). If not run for the hills!!!

10HailMarys · 18/09/2023 12:52

Honeybu · 18/09/2023 12:35

I started dating as wanted something romantic and time away from my kids with an adult time and me time, not to be thrown back to the start with kids problems and excitement 😂 ok some news I will share but mainly focused on having a nice time with the adult.

You’re obviously not going to get that from him, so stop dating him. You’re not right for each other.

PixieLaLar · 18/09/2023 12:56

Why do people think just because he’s banging on about his kid to a random women he’s dating that somehow makes him an amazing Dad?

MoonShinesBright · 18/09/2023 12:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Worddance · 18/09/2023 12:59

Could it be that his male friends aren't interested and this is his chance to talk about his child?

Either way it doesn't sound like you are meant to be together

MoonShinesBright · 18/09/2023 12:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SweetBirdsong · 18/09/2023 13:00

Yeah, you're not his person @Honeybu

LuluBlakey1 · 18/09/2023 13:00

DH and I don't talk about our 3 DC when we get some time alone. We talk about other stuff- us, music, the news, work, history, books, politics, not the DC all the time.

LastHives · 18/09/2023 13:01

Parlourgames · 18/09/2023 12:24

Don’t date him. His kid is really lucky to have such a dad though.

You can't tell a good father by how much he talks about them!

Mariposista · 18/09/2023 13:04

I admit I can't be friends with someone and go out with them if they talk about their children constantly.
I don't think this will work.

gymbummy · 18/09/2023 13:05

Is it Peter Andre?

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 18/09/2023 13:05

I'd be ending it, how boring to never be able to have a conversation where his child is not referenced.

samestyle · 18/09/2023 13:07

I would find it boring and it also says he is quite self centred. I tolerate it from my hairdresser but wouldn't date someone like this and I have 3 children myself.