To tell her to fuck off?

[thecatsarecrazy]

My uncle sold a cartier watch to my dad about 20 years ago for 2 grand, about 6 months before dad passed away he asked my brother to sell it on his behalf as dad was going blind and couldn't see the time anymore, gave me and my brother £500 as a gift. When dad was dying nobody on his side of the family made any effort or when he passed asked if there would be a funeral, nobody messaged me after, I haven't seen my uncle in 17 years and I get this message from my cousin I haven't even seen since she was about 2 before I go to work. Dad never promised the watch to him he was always talking about getting it back. Am I being unreasonable to tell her to fuck off?

Don't tell her to bugger off although you can if you want. Tell her that her message is very difficult to read.

It's very sad but when people are slowly drifting away into the eternal sleep while still being conscious some people can use this opportunity to approach them about their properties or simply take them without their permission.

When people from outside the family are interfering because they think it's their business, that's even better. I then think of East Enders atmosphere and heavy sunny afternoons and am at the end of my tether in regards to the whole existence.

I like how she says she's protective of her family - and in the same (unpunctuated) sentence, she insults your brother, like you wouldn't be protective of your family.

By any chance, did your Dad obtain a receipt?

I'm going to go against the grain and say that message reads as though she has been told a very different story from you and genuinely believes that's your brother has stolen something that wasn't his and sold it.

Find out what's happened and clear it up, rather than telling her to fuck off as some have suggested

Thank you for all the replies, I've just come out of work but will read all when I get home. I was going to send her a paragraph this morning but it was 5.30am and I needed time to think, she hasn't called and I doubt she will. I will do ad suggested and leave a reply in writing. I was thinking its like selling your family home, finding out the present owner has died and saying yes I'll have it back now please. She's bat shit. There's no way she would get a flight from New Zealand to UK. Like people said so insensitive. I feel like saying one day when your dad passes away you might realise how ridiculous you look.

She wants drama OP. Don't give it to her. No anger, no snark, just facts. And brief at that.

But she clearly knows the OP’s dad had the watch - so even if she think her dad lent it to OP’s dad, there’s no need for the threats and aggression in her message.

She's talking shite. It's not their property. It was your dad's to do with as he wished.

That pathetic line trying to warn you that she doesn't back down if she's passionate about something. She's passionate about swatch her dad sold? Stupid cow.

Tell her to do one.

I suspect that for some reason her Dad believes, or is saying, that at some point, maybe if OP's DD died first, the watch would go back to her Dad.

There aren't many situations where telling someone directly to fuck off is a good idea. This might be one of them!

With people like this, explaining just gives them an opening. Anything other than blocking her (with the option to tell her to fuck off first) will result in long, drawn-out drama. Does she have your address?

I wouldn’t have given her my number to phone me! She sounds like a loon - even her message looks like it’s from both Jekyll and Hyde.

How about:
Dear Cousin, if I understand you correctly, you believe your dad is entitled to some money from my fathers estate due to the sale of a watch my father bought from him?
If this is what you're saying, then please provide me with the evidence to support this, and I will pass to our solicitor to be dealt with as a claim against his estate.
I think its best we keep things to the formal channels to avoid bad feeling amongst family members.

She wants drama OP. Don't give it to her. No anger, no snark, just facts. And brief at that.

I agree. I volunteered in community mediation and the most effective tactic was to take the heat out of the whole thing. Very brief, very factual and absolutely nothing personal, passive aggressive or angry (though I imagine you are rightly flipping furious) .

Don’t ask any questions and don’t give any details other than those most necessary.
’Hi
The watch was sold by uncle to my DF 20 years ago. DF sold it as didn’t wear it. Buyer unknown.
Best wishes
xxx’

Because after my dad died, my uncle sent a message saying I'm thinking about coming over to the UK and dad said he would like me to have the watch.. he had previously mentioned the watch when my dad hadn't even passed yet and I called to inform dad was on end if life, at the time I thought you cheeky cnut! But when it was brought up again I said dad sold the watch about 8 months or so before he passed. My uncle is now in the UK visiting his sisters I saw it on Facebook last week and thought then he won't come see me as there's no watch. I mean even if the watch was still here it would have been left to me and my brother in the will. I asked my brother when it was brought up before if dad said he could have it and he said no uncle was always offering to buy it back.

I would like to know how, if they haven't been in touch with you or your family, they know that the watch has been sold. Who told them?

OP, so your Dad knew his brother wanted to buy back the watch? Just wondering why they think they have been wronged in some way and why your Dad didn’t want to sell it back to his brother (his choice of course).

To be fair, if they're all living on the other side of the world it wouldn't have been that easy or affordable to fly over for the funeral. However, I note that they are prepared to do so to pick up an item that used to belong to the deceased. Also that a card or even an email wouldn't have cost quite so much...

Anyway, sounds like Uncle did want the watch back but Dad wasn't interested in selling it to him, Uncle doesn't seem to have the money anyway, and Cousin has a garbled (if not downright fabricated) version of the background, leading to unnecessary ill feeling. The more calm and factual you can be the better in this situation, but don't give more detail than you absolutely have to.

Not particularly relevant, but it would be interesting to know whether the watch would actually be all that valuable these days. Some keep or even enhance their value, others not so much. If it was worth multiples of what Dad paid for it originally one can perhaps understand Uncle's regrets. However that doesn't affect his right to it (i.e. none).

Probably because he wanted his children to benefit from the money from a more trustworthy buyer? The uncle sounds very grabby

Hi OP. In the literal sense you would BU to use the language mentioned in your headline. On the face of it you have a grabby CF on your hands. But maybe, just maybe, your cousin has been fed a warped version of events and therefore holds some grievance. It is your job to furnish her with the facts in concise, factual and emotionless language.

Your dad sold my dad a watch for money which was paid in full at the price they agreed. My dad owned the watch for several years until he became blind. He then decided to sale the watch as he had no further use for it. My brother helped my dad with his wishes. I hope this clarifies things for you.

👏 that's really well put, OP. Having lost both of my parents, I understand how you're feeling all too well. Sorry for your loss.

Good reply @thecatsarecrazy

Now I would just go ahead and block her on all channels. No need to engage further, nothing good will come of it.

Sorry for your loss and sorry you are having to deal with this crap

Well done OP!! Excellent message!

She will reply, I bet my bottom dollar

Probably too long winded and too much emotion in there, but it gets the message across.

I suspect your uncle feels guilty about messing up his financial affairs and has spun a line to his daughter about this very valuable watch which ought to be hers while leaving out a lot of relevant information. His daughter has been encouraged to focus on being deprived of her inheritance by those people over there to focus on that rather than the mess her Dad has made.