To tell her to fuck off?

[thecatsarecrazy]

My uncle sold a cartier watch to my dad about 20 years ago for 2 grand, about 6 months before dad passed away he asked my brother to sell it on his behalf as dad was going blind and couldn't see the time anymore, gave me and my brother £500 as a gift. When dad was dying nobody on his side of the family made any effort or when he passed asked if there would be a funeral, nobody messaged me after, I haven't seen my uncle in 17 years and I get this message from my cousin I haven't even seen since she was about 2 before I go to work. Dad never promised the watch to him he was always talking about getting it back. Am I being unreasonable to tell her to fuck off?

Wow, she comes in all guns blazing doesn’t she?

I’d block and move on with my day, enjoying the knowledge that it will drive her crazy.

It sounds like uncle is old and his child has only just realised that the valuable watch she thought she was going to inherit, isn’t going to happen. Old uncle is fudging the truth in the face of his child’s anger.

Make it clear 2k exchanged hands and that it.

The watch is yours they are a cf. this reminds me of a good friend who was an only child. His father died years before, when his mum died she left her cottage ( that she lived in) to her only son. Son received a letter from cousin he hadn’t seen since about 2. It said something like ‘ as you know your mother thought very highly of me ( the first he’d heard of it), as such she implied she wanted me to inherit half the house ( she died intestate) as you cannot have the deeds in your hands can I suggest we talk about my share?’ Yep! She’d only taken the deeds to try and stop my friend from inheriting! His solicitor wrote, laying out it was a straight forward case of the only son inheriting all and if she knew where the deeds were she should reveal it. He had to have the deed’s reconstituented before probate - cost him an arm and a leg at the time.
The moral of the story - never underestimate the lengths individuals go to to lie they are cfs!

I would write "If you contact me again I will escalate to the Police."

Go with the factual responses suggested above. Keep it sparse and keep it to the issue of the sales of the watch. Don't include emotions, explanations, justifications, or snark. Don't rake over the past about their sudden consideration for your side of the family. Don't rise to any of her bait, for example insulting comments.

Communicate by text/email. Don't discuss this over the phone. If she calls your phone don't answer but instead let it ring out and reply by text/email saying that on reflection you've decided to communicate by that way.

Oh, and don't threaten her with the Police. It sounds like she wants a drama and talk of Police will give her the drama she's after.

I would just text her back and keep it factual and short - your dad sold it to my dad for £2k, when my dad went blind he asked us to sell it so we did, we can’t give you any details of where it went to (if it was a private sale it would be wrong of you to pass on the buyer’s details without their consent)

“It’s hard to understand your message. I wonder if you could proof read it, amend the spelling errors, revise the grammar and include some punctuation”

Shes actually quite threatening 'if I have to fly there i wont be happy'

Urgh

Yes tell her to f off

Tell her exactly what you’ve said on here.

That her dad sold it to your dad, so it became his property.

And then your dad sold it himself, just like her dad did.

I would be putting her straight about how this isn’t your brothers fault.

The uncle sounds like a money grabber.

Your cousin sounds like a dick too. She’s acting all nice but it actually being really offensive.

I’d find out where your brother sold the watch and give her the details.

Then I’d tell her and her dad to fuck off and not speak to you again as they are money grabbers and don’t care that you’ve lost your dad.
If the watch was so sentimental they wouldn’t have waited until he died to buy it back.

I agree with others, keep it simple, factual and civil. No friendly tones and also no aggressive tones. Just the plain facts.
State that if she feels there has been any underhand dealings she needs to take legal advice.
It's true there's nothing like a family death to get the vultures circling!!
I used to see it a lot as a home carer for the elderly.
That's a whole new thread of its own!!

Reply: “sorry, couldn’t understand most of that but regarding the watch, your dad sold it to my dad years ago, it was then sold on years ago at my dads request. No idea where it is now so nothing left to discuss really”

I wouldn’t speak in the phone to her…keep to messages which can be saved if needed later…

Hello I’m surprised to hear from you and very disappointed that none of dads family bothered to visit him in his last days or enquire about the funeral.

Dad bought a watch from your father 20 years ago. He paid the price your father asked. The watch then became dads property, not your dads. There was never any suggestion that uncle wanted to buy it back from dad.

As you can imagine we are still grieving Dad and I don’t take kindly to your comments about my brother or suggestions we have acted inappropriately. Please don’t contact us about this matter again.

She sounds bright 🤪
Big fuck off and then block

This

The cousins sound like they're pressuring their own father for his valuables

They sound like greedy cunts, tbh

You are definitely right shutting her down, but don't use language like 'fuck off'. It just lowers you right down to her level. Use grown up language, short and sweet and close the conversation (and the relationship)

I’d message back

Your dad sold the watch to my dad for 2K, what my dad did with the watch after that has nothing to do with your family as it belonged to my dad..

Her lack of grammar annoys me.

I would send a firm but polite message back explaining that her dear dad sold the watch to your father. Meaning whatever your dad chose to do with the watch was his business. I’d then leave it at that and wouldn’t bother replying.

Clearly her father has forgotten that he’s sold it but once you sell something you do not have any rights on claiming it back as you have been given money for it.

What she said about your brother is rude and i
just wouldn’t be interested in getting involved with her.

It definitely sounds like she has been told by her dad that he gave your dad the watch. I wouldn't engage with her more than just to say"in case you are not aware your dad sold my dad the watch therefore making it dads property"

Also, she's got a bloody cheek saying she's got a lot of time for you, when she hasnt seen you since she as about 2, she's basically a stranger. Honestly, don't engage, she's just seeing it as an opportunity to try it on and get some money which is pretty disgusting behaviour. Send a polite but firm message, then block her if need be.

OP, your DF paid his DB an agreed amount of money for the watch, therefore it then became the property of your DF. What happened to it after that is nobody else’s business. It was your DF’s to do what he wished with it and that’s private information if you feel you don’t want to discuss it with your cousin now that you have received such an ill-mannered, grabby message from her.
That’s all you need to say in a written message. Keep it simple and to that very clear-cut point of law. Everything else in her message is white noise and not worth the effort of responding to.

However, I’m sure it’s hard not to feel upset at the stupid threat to fly over to sort it out ! And also that her family is somehow more worthy of her protection than yours is to you.

Death really bring sour the worst in people sometimes.

Personally, I'd rely saying "this is really the last thing on my mind right now, my dad has just died and we're grieving. Dad asked for it to be sold, we can try and find out who bought it and try and out you in touch further down the line, but right now this isn't a priority."

Hi Cousin, there seems to have been some misunderstanding here. Your dad sold the watch to my dad, so it was my dad’s property do with as he wished. When dad’s eyesight deteriorated, he had it sold as he couldn’t tell the time anymore so it was no use. It was his property and his choice and we don’t know who it was sold to. Love from cousin.

When did you last see the texter?
Just text back
Who's this?

Yep. “fuck off” is the only response here.
Followed by “If you come anywhere near me I’ll call the police you creepy weirdo”. Then block her after she’s read it.

I hate it when people use the “I’m fiercely protective of my family” guff to justify behaving like total bell ends.

'Don't make me angry,you won't like me when I'm angry'.