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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell her to fuck off?

226 replies

thecatsarecrazy · 18/09/2023 05:55

My uncle sold a cartier watch to my dad about 20 years ago for 2 grand, about 6 months before dad passed away he asked my brother to sell it on his behalf as dad was going blind and couldn't see the time anymore, gave me and my brother £500 as a gift. When dad was dying nobody on his side of the family made any effort or when he passed asked if there would be a funeral, nobody messaged me after, I haven't seen my uncle in 17 years and I get this message from my cousin I haven't even seen since she was about 2 before I go to work. Dad never promised the watch to him he was always talking about getting it back. Am I being unreasonable to tell her to fuck off?

To tell her to fuck off?
OP posts:
RogersOrganismicProcess · 18/09/2023 07:56

Dear cousin,
How are you keeping? It had been so long since we last heard from you. How is wonderful uncle doing? I am sorry to hear he had fallen on hard times. I wonder why he has felt unable to tell you that he sold the watch to my father many years ago? Legally at that point the watch became dad’s.

When dad’s illness progressed and he eyesight failed he asked for the watch to be sold. Who needs a watch you can’t see? It is in those times that you really appreciate what matters in life. My brother was following my dad’s wishes at what was and still is a very difficult time for us both.

Now it is clear that you care about the ‘value’ of that watch more than you do about your own relatives as we didn’t so much as get condolences from you whilst he was ill or died, so if you want to waste your time and money flying here on a wild goose chase, go ahead. You will be getting nothing from us.

Alternatively I suggest you put the money towards helping out wonderful uncle or investing in your own watch if it means they much to you.

yours sincerely
your pissed off cousin!

Vallencia · 18/09/2023 07:57

FreddiesTeeth · 18/09/2023 06:47

Tell her in very simple terms and in writing not on the phone:

You father sold it to my father for 2K so it became my father's property.
My father asked my brother to sell it.
My brother sold it.
We don't have contact details for the buyer.
There's nothing else to say.

If she persists, just block her.

Another vote for absolutely this.

Shows decorum and takes the heat and drama out of the situation. Anything else will likely be inflammatory so it's best to just shut it down quickly and quietly and get on with your life. It's also saying fuck off without saying fuck off iykwim.

Nanaof1 · 18/09/2023 07:57

Mystro202 · 18/09/2023 06:06

Yanbu, your Uncle sold the watch to your Dad so he lost all rights to it. Your Dad had every right to sell it on if that's what he wished. How ridiculous of your cousin to want it back. They are obviously only thinking of the monetary value because if it was of sentimental value to your Uncle he wouldn't have sold it in the first place. Maybe your Uncle has omitted to tell them that he sold it to your Dad? Do they think he just gave it to him? Or perhaps your Uncle has forgotten this himself, is he going senile?

That was my first thought. He has gotten dementia and now has forgotten he sold the watch. Or he wants his children to be impressed with him so he is out and out lying.

Either way OP, just write her back, give her the facts and then say the subject is closed. If she tries to contact you again, block her. She has some nerve demanding something when she hasn't a clue about it.

R2G · 18/09/2023 07:58

I also wouldn't take a phone call.
Id say,
Your dad sold the watch for 2k twenty years ago. When dad was losing his sight he asked my brother to sell it. We were not aware of any sentimental value. I'm glad to hear you think highly of me, I haven't seen you for twenty years but this contact makes me think less of you at a time we are grieving. Please don't contact me again.

And block

HunterHearstHelmsley · 18/09/2023 07:58

HunterHearstHelmsley · 18/09/2023 07:48

Has the watch already been sold? If not, I'd offer to sell it back.

Your dad bought it, it was his.

It's always a good idea to not sell things you want to keep.

Excuse my poor reading comprehension, I can see in OP's second post it is sold.

Offcom · 18/09/2023 08:00

I thought the cousin wanted to trace it to buy it back, but as I said in my next post I realised I was being naive about the cousin’s motive

Tambatamba · 18/09/2023 08:01

If she doesn't know where you live, and can't find out I would block her.

itsgettingweird · 18/09/2023 08:04

I'd reply.

"Do you think every item my dad brought in good faith throughout his life belongs to the person who sold it now he's died?"

It makes her have to explain why she thinks it's just this watch and what her motivations are.

But yanbu.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 18/09/2023 08:06

RogersOrganismicProcess · 18/09/2023 07:56

Dear cousin,
How are you keeping? It had been so long since we last heard from you. How is wonderful uncle doing? I am sorry to hear he had fallen on hard times. I wonder why he has felt unable to tell you that he sold the watch to my father many years ago? Legally at that point the watch became dad’s.

When dad’s illness progressed and he eyesight failed he asked for the watch to be sold. Who needs a watch you can’t see? It is in those times that you really appreciate what matters in life. My brother was following my dad’s wishes at what was and still is a very difficult time for us both.

Now it is clear that you care about the ‘value’ of that watch more than you do about your own relatives as we didn’t so much as get condolences from you whilst he was ill or died, so if you want to waste your time and money flying here on a wild goose chase, go ahead. You will be getting nothing from us.

Alternatively I suggest you put the money towards helping out wonderful uncle or investing in your own watch if it means they much to you.

yours sincerely
your pissed off cousin!

This.
Brilliant @RogersOrganismicProcess!!

Nanaof1 · 18/09/2023 08:07

HoppingPavlova · 18/09/2023 06:52

I wouldn’t have given your number, just responded saying she’s batshit and you want no more contact, and then block her.

The but that tickled me was when she said she would FLY over. As in purchase a plane ticket. LOL. Unhinged. If she ever turned up, I wouldn’t let her in, I’d call the police and say a deranged person was on my doorstep.

Perhaps she still has some good miles left on her broom? 😉

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 18/09/2023 08:09

I’d probably just say
“Your dad sold the watch to mine for £2k, so it was his to do with as he saw fit. HE asked my brother to sell it, which he did. Please don’t make this about my brother supposedly doing anything wrong because he didn’t., as he was just doing what dad wanted. We don’t have the details of the buyer.
By all means fly over; it would be lovely to see you after not seeing any of your side of the family in over a decade. Love you too, cousin.”

Blinkingbonkers · 18/09/2023 08:11

Why on earth did you give her your (I assume) landline number? Just message back to say it belonged to your Dad and was his to sell. End of.

MotherEarthisaTerf · 18/09/2023 08:14

Your dad's name is visible in that message op.

LizzieSiddal · 18/09/2023 08:15

Flowers so sorry about your dad.

She’s a cheeky cow, and I agree with you, tell her to Fuck Off then block.

LadyEloise1 · 18/09/2023 08:16

Mylittlepea · 18/09/2023 06:29

Yep. Tell her to Fuck off.

Then send the grammar police around to her house👮🏼🤣

The grammar police ! 👏🏻😀

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 18/09/2023 08:17

She looks like she's on drugs with how she's written that message.

You can't reason with stupid, I'm afraid. Or the inebriated.

marymungoNminge · 18/09/2023 08:18

What a cheeky bitch saying all that faux concern when she just wants the money.

The watch's was your dads property and you reacted your dads wishes by your brother selling that watch.

Saying it she has to fly over to sort it she won't be happy? There's nothing to sort. I wouldn't give her any details as to where the watch was sold and do not apologise. I'd probably call her out for speaking so badly about your brother, tell her to have a nice life, and politely, fuck off and fuck off a bit further. As clearly living in another country isn't enough for her to keep her snout out. (Then block.)

ehupo7 · 18/09/2023 08:21

blackbeardsballsack · 18/09/2023 06:12

She is being ridiculous. Even with the two sides to every story thing, you can tell by the way that she writes that she's a knob.

Took the words out of my mouth, she sounds like a massive twat.

”I’m very protective of my family and when I’m passionate about something I never back down. If I have to fly there and sort it out I wont be happy”

’ooh’.

Is this a threat? The way she has approached you is terrible, who does she think she is…?

It’s pretty offensive to be honest. I’d just say sorry, he sold it to my Dad and took £2k for it. Dad later sold it as his eyesight’s deteriorated. Then not reply any further.

If there were genuinely believed to be an issue she could have approached you sensitively and enquired about the details. As it is, she’s been incredibly rude. Self-important idiot.

Greenpolkadot · 18/09/2023 08:22

Exactly this,,It was your dads property to do with as he wished.
Telĺ her to save her air fare, ,,, nothing will be gained by her flying over to 'sort it out '

whataboutism · 18/09/2023 08:22

Yup, I wholly agree, and in so much words.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 18/09/2023 08:24

I’d blank it and block the bitch.

I know what’s it’s like though to lose someone and family to not turn up too, happened to dh.

Meeting · 18/09/2023 08:25

I agree fuck off is sufficient. I wouldn't waste any more words.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 18/09/2023 08:25

Keep the text though, could become evidence if you need it. Always keep records.

Ramalangadingdong · 18/09/2023 08:26

When her dad died she probably had a vague memory of his valuable watch which she assumed was part of his estate. Now she has discovered that he “gave” it to your dad her grief/greed may have twisted it into something more sinister because she was counting on getting more from the estate.

sorry - the above is pure conjecture. I wouldn’t tell her to F off. I would tell her the truth. If she doesn’t accept it then I would tell her to F off.

Nanaof1 · 18/09/2023 08:27

PLEASE, whatever you do, do NOT tell her how much your Dad paid for the watch or how much it sold for or who it was sold to. It is not her business. I am sorry you gave her your phone number as taking to her will be her bullying you and trying to get you to misspeak so she can use it against you and your brother.

I am sorry for your loss. When reading your post, I did not realize it was a recent death.

There are always people that will crawl out of the woodwork after a death, hoping to get something from it. Just don't play her game.