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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should i let 13 year old dd wear false lashes to school?

258 replies

EyelashConundrum · 17/09/2023 20:44

Dd is 13, and has started wearing stick on lashes to school. They are not super heavy spidery ones, but they do change the way her eyes look. She bought them with her own money in town with friends.

Im really torn between letting her wear them (school allows it, all her friends wear them and she obviously wants to fit in, she's 13 and is trying to find her own style, etc).

But then false eyelashes just seem so unnecessary for 13 year olds who are going to spend the day sitting in maths and geography. And my heart breaks that modern beauty standards make her feel the need to conform and wear this level of adornment.

Its a choice between being the authoritarian mother who forbids it because its just excessive in my opinion. But equally i remember being 13 and arguing with my parents that my thick orange foundation was an absolute necessity and they couldn't possibly understand what its like to be a teenager.

Ive allowed voting

YABU - Let her wear them. Its not doing any harm, doesn't disrupt her learning and helps her to feel confident.

YANBU - Absolutely no way should i let my 13 year old leave the house wearing these ridiculous things.

OP posts:
Zola1 · 17/09/2023 21:14

stonkytonk11 · 17/09/2023 21:12

I e only read a few replies and it made me chuckle that the posters that are saying just let her get on with it are secondary teachers. I'm a secondary teacher too and am in the pick your battles camp. There's a lot more to come and anyway, she'll soon get fed up with them

This is a good point 😂 I'm pick your battles, not a teacher but a social worker for kids in care. Known enough teenage girls to know false lashes is way down my priority list

Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream · 17/09/2023 21:15

I presume the same way they used to enforce the ban on nail polish when I was at school in the nineties.. sending you to the office to remove it with the really nasty cheap remover 😂

Original poster
EyelashConundrum · 17/09/2023 21:15

stonkytonk11 · 17/09/2023 21:12

I e only read a few replies and it made me chuckle that the posters that are saying just let her get on with it are secondary teachers. I'm a secondary teacher too and am in the pick your battles camp. There's a lot more to come and anyway, she'll soon get fed up with them

Yeah, I'm reading the replies as they are streaming in and i noticed that all the secondary teachers are in the let her wear them camp.

OP posts:
bakeywithcakey · 17/09/2023 21:16

I mean I'm not a fan personally and I probably wouldn't be happy about it but I don't think I'd forbid it. The school are allowing it and really what's the huge deal as long as she's actually participating in lessons and learning, who really cares?

Lesina · 17/09/2023 21:16

No

SlippySarah · 17/09/2023 21:17

I wouldn't get into a disagreement about it but I would also want to help my DD with her confidence so she didn't feel this was necessary.

ItstimeToMoveagain · 17/09/2023 21:18

If the school let them and you know all her friends are wearing them then it's not a hill I'd die on, it's not a permanent alteration like those of us eho plucked our eyebrows to nothing and are now left with none in middle age

Coffeedrinker7 · 17/09/2023 21:18

@Lamelie Budget pound shop bratz dolls 🤣 Love this!

I agree- pick your battles. My 15yo is into false eyelashes- the ones you stick on individually. I just comment ‘gosh that seems to take a long time’ and remind her to take them off before bed to avoid eye infections.

LolaSmiles · 17/09/2023 21:19

Yeah, I'm reading the replies as they are streaming in and i noticed that all the secondary teachers are in the let her wear them camp.
If you don't particularly have a problem with it and you're sure school allow it then it's probably not the hill to die on.

The source of internal conflict to me is that I find it hard saying it's fine and reasonable for young teen girls to be held to a series of beauty standards that are very focused on what male gaze deems to be attractive, but then equally know that we did exactly the same thing at that age but with different trends. Same for following the crowd like sheep. I don't think it's a good message for adults to send that you should do something because everyone else is, but then we also had trends and pressure to fit in at that age.

RedHelenB · 17/09/2023 21:19

She'll put them on behind your back if you " don't allow it". She's a teenager, she wants to fit in.

HaddawayAndShite · 17/09/2023 21:20

Pick your battles but, has she only the one pair? Is she cleaning them properly? I used to wear lashes a lot and they get manky quickly, and the glue probably is not good for your eyes / real eyelashes like.

Mum2jenny · 17/09/2023 21:20

If school allow it, it’s not a hill I’d choose to die on. Let her get on with it imo.

aduckinarow · 17/09/2023 21:20

RecordPlayer · 17/09/2023 20:51

Pick your battles. What harm are they doing? In my experience (secondary school teacher), the girls who start wearing lashes and makeup young will also realise they don't need them long before the girls who start wearing makeup later. Let her wear them, but make sure she knows how beautiful she is without them too.

This

kitsuneghost · 17/09/2023 21:21

I think they look cheap, nasty and ridiculous. However I would let her wear them. We all want to fit in sometimes and we all need to find our own style. Who here can honestly say they haven't made some dubious fashion choices in their teens (or olderWink)

Theonlyoneiknow · 17/09/2023 21:21

I think schools have far bigger things to focus on than false eyelashes, and agree choose your battles at this age.

Flufferblub · 17/09/2023 21:22

I wouldn't. It's school, not a fashion show

aduckinarow · 17/09/2023 21:22

I wear them . They make my eyes look bigger and that makes me feel more confident in myself. I can't see the harm tbh .

fairyfluf · 17/09/2023 21:22

HaddawayAndShite · 17/09/2023 21:20

Pick your battles but, has she only the one pair? Is she cleaning them properly? I used to wear lashes a lot and they get manky quickly, and the glue probably is not good for your eyes / real eyelashes like.

Yes maybe make sure she's using them safely

TeenMum87 · 17/09/2023 21:23

Absolute not.

VaccineSticker · 17/09/2023 21:24

No.
why is this even an option?!!

Guiltridden12345 · 17/09/2023 21:24

EyelashConundrum · 17/09/2023 20:44

Dd is 13, and has started wearing stick on lashes to school. They are not super heavy spidery ones, but they do change the way her eyes look. She bought them with her own money in town with friends.

Im really torn between letting her wear them (school allows it, all her friends wear them and she obviously wants to fit in, she's 13 and is trying to find her own style, etc).

But then false eyelashes just seem so unnecessary for 13 year olds who are going to spend the day sitting in maths and geography. And my heart breaks that modern beauty standards make her feel the need to conform and wear this level of adornment.

Its a choice between being the authoritarian mother who forbids it because its just excessive in my opinion. But equally i remember being 13 and arguing with my parents that my thick orange foundation was an absolute necessity and they couldn't possibly understand what its like to be a teenager.

Ive allowed voting

YABU - Let her wear them. Its not doing any harm, doesn't disrupt her learning and helps her to feel confident.

YANBU - Absolutely no way should i let my 13 year old leave the house wearing these ridiculous things.

I hate them, and the modern fake massive everything (lashes, nails, brows, boobs, bum) plus the messaging about how women look and exaggerated features being ’normal’. BUT, there are bigger issues to fight with a 13 year old, certainly Mine. I adopted some terrible trends and at her age dyed my hair myriad colours. It’s self expression, even though everyone else is expressing in identical form. I let her, and fake nails too, as long as it’s not the really massive ones, and as long as her school work stays bang on track and behaviour is good. It’s a deal then isn’t it, everyone gets a bit of what they want?

and we talk a lot at home about feminism, identity, why people want to look certain ways, plastic surgery, media trends etc. we use her own trends to try and teach her about presenting and dressing for herself rather than others. But I don’t think banning things is the key to that education. She now will remove the lashes now for sport and seeing relatives, by her own choice, so i think the message is getting through.

gawditswindy · 17/09/2023 21:25

Flufferblub · 17/09/2023 21:22

I wouldn't. It's school, not a fashion show

I'm not sure a lot of kids would agree with that. It's the main place where they meet their peers. They want to present themselves at what they consider to be their best.

LittleMG · 17/09/2023 21:25

The school allows make up? I’m definitely with you it’s not on.

chipshopElvis · 17/09/2023 21:26

If school allows it, she already has them and her friend group wear them then leave her to it. Not worth a fight over, she won't see where you're coming from and it's not worth a fight. Also horrid to be the odd one out at that age, feels like the end of the world.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 17/09/2023 21:27

Does the school definitely allow them and you have this information from a member of staff?

Are they safe? I don't know anything about them or ever used them so not aware of potential risks.

If the answer to both is yes, then I'd let her. Saying no for no good reason or just out of some (made up) principle isn't a good idea with teens, or anyone really.