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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should i let 13 year old dd wear false lashes to school?

258 replies

EyelashConundrum · 17/09/2023 20:44

Dd is 13, and has started wearing stick on lashes to school. They are not super heavy spidery ones, but they do change the way her eyes look. She bought them with her own money in town with friends.

Im really torn between letting her wear them (school allows it, all her friends wear them and she obviously wants to fit in, she's 13 and is trying to find her own style, etc).

But then false eyelashes just seem so unnecessary for 13 year olds who are going to spend the day sitting in maths and geography. And my heart breaks that modern beauty standards make her feel the need to conform and wear this level of adornment.

Its a choice between being the authoritarian mother who forbids it because its just excessive in my opinion. But equally i remember being 13 and arguing with my parents that my thick orange foundation was an absolute necessity and they couldn't possibly understand what its like to be a teenager.

Ive allowed voting

YABU - Let her wear them. Its not doing any harm, doesn't disrupt her learning and helps her to feel confident.

YANBU - Absolutely no way should i let my 13 year old leave the house wearing these ridiculous things.

OP posts:
Yahyahs22 · 17/09/2023 21:01

I would. She needs to try on a few personalities before she finds herself. If the school allow it (my niece's school does) then personally, I wouldn't mind it at all. It's just fashion at the moment.

Johnnylewis · 17/09/2023 21:02

No I wouldn't allow it.

DD is y8 and apparently a couple of girls in her class have started wearing them this term. I reluctantly let DD wear mascara to school although I think it's completely unnecessary - but I would put my foot down over fake lashes.

They look awful on young girls imo.

jackstini · 17/09/2023 21:02

As my 17yo Dd would say! - "it's not that deep"

Agree it's not ideal - but, pick your battles. If school are ok with it then don't worry. There will be other things you need to be firm on in the future

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 17/09/2023 21:02

It's a tricky one. It's not ideal but there is a strong chance she will just put them on behind your back anyway. I remember going out as a teen in respectable looking trousers with hotpants underneath and taking them off when i got to my friends house, its what teens do. My DD is in year 8 and thankfully she hates the fake look but she does wear a bit of mascara and blusher. I've told her that if she feels the need to wear foundation etc in future come and see me first so I can at least get ger decent stuff that looks nice as opposed to a oompah loompah!

FrenchFancie · 17/09/2023 21:02

No I wouldn’t allow it.

however, there’s a girl in my DDs year 6 class who has false tan, dyed hair and false eyelashes - -she’s 10.

i dread to think what happens when this gets more widespread. Our poor girls come under so much pressure about their appearance.

MsCactus · 17/09/2023 21:02

I used to wear Barry M glitter pots across my entire eyelids to school... and dream matte mouse foundation! AND layers of fake tan.

... I'm now a 30-something adult who dresses normally.

Who cares? Teens always push the boundaries with their clothes/dress/makeup etc, let her wear what she likes.

Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream · 17/09/2023 21:03

If she bought them with her own money and isn’t breaking any school rules then I really don’t think this is the hill for you to die on. Banning harmless things for no legitimate reason just casts you as the enemy and encourages sneaking around. Plus, one day you might really need to say no to something, and if you’ve already cracked down on daft inconsequential stuff then she’s less likely to listen when it matters.

Cardboardcup · 17/09/2023 21:03

AprQ · 17/09/2023 20:57

MN is so funny at times.

Can’t wear false lashes at 13. However, give DD two more years and if she’s in a relationship and wants to have sex, provide her with condoms and/or get an appointment booked with the GP to get her on contraception. Absolute madness.

I really don’t see the problem. They’re eye lashes, they’re not impacting her education in any way, shape or form. Even if you say no, I’m sure she’ll just glue them on early before school in the bathroom

Totally agree. I do many eye rolls at the “they’re 16, practically adults” type comments .

Rexxxxxx · 17/09/2023 21:03

Better pick your battles… personally I think they are rather daft but wouldn’t pass comment on the lashes. She’s expressing her individuality and it’s pretty harmless and just a bit of fun. If the school have issues with them, then it will be picked up soon enough.

Johnnylewis · 17/09/2023 21:03

etherealfae · 17/09/2023 20:58

if they're just light and subtle then why not! i used to wear full on lash extensions at that age, didn't do me any harm, it didn't lead to a life of standing on street corners, think everyone needs to chill out a bit ahahaha let her express herself!

How is extending one's lashes expressing themselves? Serious question

Year13novice · 17/09/2023 21:04

My similar age DD doesn’t wear any make up but does love her lashes. I honestly don’t care if they make her happy and school allow it so it’s just no big deal.

etherealfae · 17/09/2023 21:04

@Johnnylewis it alters her appearance and makes her feel confident- problem?

Johnnylewis · 17/09/2023 21:05

MariePaperRoses · 17/09/2023 21:01

Tell her that the cheap ones which I'm sure will be the ones she has bought, come from China and are made from donated pubes.

😂

Hankunamatata · 17/09/2023 21:05

I'd talk to her and say you rather she didn't for school.
I do laugh at girls who look like they have a whole spider shoved on each eye and you can barely see their actual eyes - though bad make up is a teen thing.

jackstini · 17/09/2023 21:06

@MariePaperRoses that's absolute b-crap

Many eyelashes are made from real hair - but pubes would be far too short, too thick/coarse and too curly to make lashes! (& I have worked in the industry for over 20 years)

Johnnylewis · 17/09/2023 21:06

etherealfae · 17/09/2023 21:04

@Johnnylewis it alters her appearance and makes her feel confident- problem?

How is that expressing oneself?

Loopyloooooo · 17/09/2023 21:07

Gawd it's hard been a parent isn't it.

On the one hand its all part of growing up and some girls (kids) do genuinely love this stuff and are happy to express themselves through it.

On the other hand do 13 year olds really need it/is it overly sexualised etc...or is it just a bit of fun?

Sorry I'm not helping 🙈. I battle with this this stuff for myself, never mind for my own young teen.

MN will probably skew towards she doesn't need it. Which obviously she doesn't! However, for me personally if she's otherwise a good kid and cracks on with her work well I think I'd allow it. Go with your gut feeling.

etherealfae · 17/09/2023 21:08

also to add you have to go thru makeup disasters in your teens it builds character 😂 haha no but honestly my teen years i looked like a drag queen half the time and now in my 20s i rarely wear makeup at all

Zola1 · 17/09/2023 21:08

I have a 13yo too. Honestly to me it's a battle not worth choosing, if it doesn't make her late for school or affect her ability to engage with her lessons she can do it

Itslosenotloose · 17/09/2023 21:09

@Johnnylewis

its a trend in some schools. It’s as simple as that. Like someone’s 17 year old said further up the thread “it’s really not that deep”.

I work with teen girls every day. I can bet they’re the light and feathery ones as being completely overdone with spider ones isn’t a good look (or so I’ve heard on the grapevine).

Often they wear them for a few weeks then can’t be arsed with the faff. I have to agree with the secondary school teacher further up the thread. The girls who start wearing them early are the first ones to also bin them off entirely. The novelty soon wears off.

When I’m at work my phone calls consist of ringing parents about their daughters who have self harmed, or maybe haven’t eaten for a few days at school. A set of feathery lashes are way, way down on the “is this really important list”.

xyz111 · 17/09/2023 21:10

user1846385927482658 · 17/09/2023 20:45

I'd be really unhappy about it. I'm surprised the school allow it.

The local school to us, whenever I see the kids they're always in full make up. Makes me sound old, but really short skirts that show off way more than it should for a school girl. Some schools are clearly stricter than others.

RestingMurderousFace · 17/09/2023 21:12

Why would a child need to wear false lashes? How bizarre.

stonkytonk11 · 17/09/2023 21:12

I e only read a few replies and it made me chuckle that the posters that are saying just let her get on with it are secondary teachers. I'm a secondary teacher too and am in the pick your battles camp. There's a lot more to come and anyway, she'll soon get fed up with them

Tiredalwaystired · 17/09/2023 21:12

Evenings and weekends if she must. Not for school.

stonkytonk11 · 17/09/2023 21:13

Also, how exactly does a school not allow it? That would be pretty difficult to enforce!

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