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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women who constantly say on social media they love being single don’t actually mean it

153 replies

TitusMoan · 17/09/2023 15:38

… and often run off with the first man who asks them out?

There’s too much protesting with some people.

OP posts:
MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 17/09/2023 18:48

I think anyone who constantly posts about anything on social media is probably faking it. Be that how much they love being single, that their spouse is the best ever and they love them so so much, that being a young mum is amazing never any issues, being an old mum is so great - why would anyone be a young mum. Etc etc.

I'm happily single. I've learnt to be. Other than the very occasional meme I don't post about it on SM though. I was a young mum. Was it the best thing ever? No. Its been hard. But I wouldn't change it. And if someone starts talking about how irresponsible it is to be a young mum then I'm going to get defensive.

Basically, take everything on SM with a pinch of salt.

Baconisdelicious · 17/09/2023 18:49

I enjoy being single. What is it you need to hear to believe that? Why don't you feel able to take that at face value? Do you think being single is something you would hate? Do you think I should hate it? Are you uncomfortable with women who cope perfectly well without dangling a man on their arm?

Gettingbysomehow · 17/09/2023 18:51

I actually do prefer being single because men are so revolting now. The kind of man I want to be with does not exist.
It's better to be single than be with someone not good enough for you.

Hbh17 · 17/09/2023 18:52

I have good friends who enjoy being single, butbthey don't post about it on social media because they are too busy enjoying their busy and fulfilling lives.
Frankly, anyone who posts in public spaces about their personal feelings, emotional life etc wouldn't impress me.

imissmarksmith · 17/09/2023 19:05

NC maybe they are happy single?
I'm 53 and my DH has no interest in me sexually. Known it for a while. Dunno what's going on there . Whether he is gay or what. He says he's not and it's his health ( he has kidney stones ) but it's been going on before that.
I have rendered myself stuck. I am now somewhere where my qualification is useless. I can't drive ( as have cataracts) and have no money to get them fixed ,so at mercy of NHS . I am in a low paid job and in a place where I don't know anyone really.(He comes from here). He is kind enough and that but ,he isn't into me. My children are now at the stage that they have their own lives and not interested in me.
Thank God for dogs . So yes I can see why a woman would be happy being single ! Treasure yourselves ladies!

HRTQueen · 17/09/2023 19:09

you are right

a woman can’t possibly be happy being single

we pretend to hide our shame and feelings of failure

onlyconnect · 17/09/2023 19:10

I agree with lemonsaretheonlyfruit. It's not all one thing or the other. I'm single and love lots about it. I'm certainly not looking for a partner. But that doesn't mean that there aren't things I miss or that's it's all easy being single. If someone I liked asked me out I'd probably say yes but I'd be very careful.
I do have a couple of friends who I genuinely believe are happy and they're single. Doesn't mean they couldn't also be happy with a partner.

Boohooz · 17/09/2023 19:18

imissmarksmith · 17/09/2023 19:05

NC maybe they are happy single?
I'm 53 and my DH has no interest in me sexually. Known it for a while. Dunno what's going on there . Whether he is gay or what. He says he's not and it's his health ( he has kidney stones ) but it's been going on before that.
I have rendered myself stuck. I am now somewhere where my qualification is useless. I can't drive ( as have cataracts) and have no money to get them fixed ,so at mercy of NHS . I am in a low paid job and in a place where I don't know anyone really.(He comes from here). He is kind enough and that but ,he isn't into me. My children are now at the stage that they have their own lives and not interested in me.
Thank God for dogs . So yes I can see why a woman would be happy being single ! Treasure yourselves ladies!

And do treasure yourself too @imissmarksmith . I am glad your dogs give you joy. Their love is pure and unshakeable.

HamBone · 17/09/2023 19:22

Defiantjazz · 17/09/2023 15:45

Nothing on social media is to be trusted really. Everyone pretends to be happier or more interesting than they are.

I agree, @Defiantjazz . Most people only post the good stuff so it’s easy to assume that everyone else is having an amazing life and you’re somehow missing out.

Maverickess · 17/09/2023 19:26

I think anyone who repeatedly posts about their relationship situation or parental or any life status and how happy it makes are maybe trying to convince themselves by putting it out there in the world.

That said, where being single as a woman is concerned, you are judged by some as being a failure in some way, it's assumed that it can't possibly be a situation you're content or happy with and underneath you are just desperate and lying about it.

I don't post much on SM from 'me' anyway, it's generally sharing work stuff and local stuff and animals. I scroll on past all the 'living my best life' posts about any situation because I think they're either someone trying to convince themselves, piss someone else off or making a pointless statement to the world.

I'm relatively happy with my life at the moment, which is so much more than not being in a relationship, I've lost something very important to me this year and grieved and still grieving for it, my DD is in her 2nd year university and doing well and I finally learned to drive and got a car, though I'm struggling with getting used to it and going from being a learner to a smooth and competent driver - I guess that's something everyone goes through when they first pass their test though. Work has been stressful but with some really good high points too - the point is all those things are having so much more of an influence on me at the moment than being or not being in a relationship 🤷🏼‍♀️

Dottymug · 17/09/2023 19:45

I know it's not ALL men, but reading the relationships posts on MN about all the useless fuckers who are unfaithful, do nothing to help in the house, are unkind to the point of abusive or are totally hands-off as parents, it does appear happiness must be easier to achieve if you're not stuck in the same house as a man.

MovieQueen12 · 17/09/2023 22:15

Those in a couple still look down on single women. I strongly believe that nothing has changed in that area. Some would say stick with someone even if they treat you bad as at least then you can say you are in a relationship. Utter madness.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 17/09/2023 23:05

MovieQueen12 · 17/09/2023 22:15

Those in a couple still look down on single women. I strongly believe that nothing has changed in that area. Some would say stick with someone even if they treat you bad as at least then you can say you are in a relationship. Utter madness.

I actually agree with this. Those in a couple don't realise they do, and I don't think it's a conscious thing at all ..but society is like that. Being In a couple gives you (wanted or not) currency.. and a vote of confidence that you have got something right in life and conversely - those who are single need help (or if they are dating, then their lives become a storybook of hilarious nightmare stories)

SaylessSayless · 17/09/2023 23:27

I don't see why anyone would start a thread about this. So what if they are lonely or do want a partner? What of it?

Scruffington · 17/09/2023 23:29

SaylessSayless · 17/09/2023 23:27

I don't see why anyone would start a thread about this. So what if they are lonely or do want a partner? What of it?

some people never grow out of their Regina George era.

Mercedes45 · 17/09/2023 23:31

🤣🤣🤣

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/09/2023 23:33

I've never posted on social media about being happy being single (unless you count Mumsnet).

But I genuinely, on my daughter's life, loved being single. I've been happier single than I have in almost all of my relationships. I am convinced that most women, deep down, are fundamentally happier single but most of them don't realise it because society hammers away at them that they're not.

I'm in the happiest relationship I've ever been in now with a man who loves and respects me and I still yearn to be single.

Women are so limited by relationships.

I stand by that and I'm sure most people won't believe me and I don't really give a shit.

Lentilweaver · 18/09/2023 07:30

I believe you @Thepeopleversuswork!

squashi · 18/09/2023 07:34

I think if someone needed to constantly affirm anything like this on SM, I'd suspect they were trying to reassure themselves of something they thought might not be true. But ya know, so what?

Goldmember · 18/09/2023 07:35

If you've only had shitty relationships then it comes as no surprise it would be easier to be single.

Isometimeswonder · 18/09/2023 07:39

Are you one of those smug marrieds?

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/09/2023 07:47

Goldmember · 18/09/2023 07:35

If you've only had shitty relationships then it comes as no surprise it would be easier to be single.

It's not just about shitty relationships though. It's the whole state of being in a relationship. You can have a wonderful relationship and still feel better off without it.

A lot of people find being in a relationship comforting and reassuring. Some people find it stifling and boring and incredibly restrictive. I'm one of those people.

The compromise, the having to hear the same stories again and again and again, the boiling resentment when someone doesn't pull their weight domestically (because even the really good ones never quite manage that). The lack of emotional intelligence. Their tedious hobbies. The bad sex. Their friends. Their confidence in their own opinions. The fact that they're always less intelligent than they think they are. A lot of people are fine with putting up with all that because they feel that they "are loved" and that gives them a sense of validation.

I'm not.

My current DP is just about worth it He also has incredibly tedious hobbies etc but because he's lovely in many other ways it just about outweighs the bad.
But I'm pretty sure I'd never do it again. It's so over-rated.

lap90 · 18/09/2023 07:50

Who are all these adult women posting about being single on social media and what exactly are they saying?

Some of these comments just seem like projection.

Goldmember · 18/09/2023 07:54

The compromise, the having to hear the same stories again and again and again, the boiling resentment when someone doesn't pull their weight domestically (because even the really good ones never quite manage that). The lack of emotional intelligence. Their tedious hobbies. The bad sex. Their friends. Their confidence in their own opinions. The fact that they're always less intelligent than they think they are. A lot of people are fine with putting up with all that because they feel that they "are loved" and that gives them a sense of validation.

Sorry but that is the definition of a shitty relationship. A poor partner for the sake of it, as a fear of being single.

Defiantjazz · 18/09/2023 08:07

Sorry but that is the definition of a shitty relationship. A poor partner for the sake of it, as a fear of being single

No relationship is ever going to be perfect though. They’re always going to do something to annoy you (and visa versa).

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