During an affair, there are two people who are in cahoots against one other person.
If in any area of life if there was bullying involving 2 against 1 it would be noted down as unfair, that is the pain of affairs, they are enduring and long lasting, unlike one night stands, being alienated and sidelined for months maybe years on end.
Your h, will have changed, towards you, he will detatch from you, maybe become cruel and heartless, neglectful, not fully present, and then when suspitions arise they will lie and gaslight you, every single day, morning, noon and night.
Have you any idea how that affects someone to have your reality denied, so women become hypervigilant, second guessing themselves, it's exhausting, so the betrayed spouses become consumed with uncertainty. The home, is no longer a home, a safe place where there was harmony and certainty, it becomes a battlefield of unkindness and fear.
It would be easier to have the ow traips through the home and actually see your rival, it's an unknown enemy waiting in the shadows ready to take you down and her ally is your husband, the person you felt you could feel safe with and trust, but now you have to be careful of what you say in case he relays it back to the rival. Paranoia rules.
Everything breaks down, all law and order of the house, appointments missed, work cancelled because you become too ill, children neglected, a million ways why the home turns to crap, you end up feeling like death, the depression, the anger, the pain, the unfairness of it and this just touches the surface, it's high octane pain on a lasting daily basis, on the other hand the rival is thriving, how wonderful for her.
And this is created by your h and his acomplice, this joint attack of destroying someone is premeditated, just because one of the players is sat in another home doesn't mean there is not engineering of the situation going on.
They are a pair, a couple, your enemies, your rivals, co-conspiritors, collaboraters, pick your words they ammount to the same, two people ganging up and unifying to destroy you in the most cruel way, just because an ow chooses to pretend she is not hurting someone by pulling the strings of hate in the background doesn't mean she is no less culpable.
Or if she is ignorant of the abuse it creates and the persecution of another female lone victim it is not the fault of the betrayed, I suggest you educate yourselves, and if you're unwilling to do that I can only hope exactly the same happens to you one day so you too can understand the pain.
By the way time doesn't make it go away, it does however make you stronger and realise there are some real fucked up nasty people on this planet who care for no one but themselves, there are also people at this very moment going through hell, it is for those victims who at the moment cannot function, that we write to protect, to tell them we understand, to not minimise their pain and to offer our support.
Support the ow if you must by stupid excuses, but you have to realise the victims who have been through this will always blame you and your male friend.
It makes absolutely no difference that one of them is married with a piece of paper, this marriage contract has nothing to do with two utterly evil people conspiring to victimise an innocent person.
@5128gap
Sorry I will never have any sympthy for abusers and both people are abusers, it's just that they both deny it, the gaslighting continues.