To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

That sounded like a Criticism of my sister: I just meant she has no spare bedrooms because they are full of her children! And she has dogs which my mother doesn’t like. Her house is lovely and welcoming and I stay regularly:

I have had wine🫣

Op, I have only read the first couple of pages plus all your posts but felt the need to pop in to say what a bloody legend you are. Hosting every year, no help, no financial contribution and a whole lot of hassle! You sound like a fabulously involved and caring aunt and a lovely sister/daughter. Your brother sounds like a complete twat and your mum an emotionally blind enabler.

you are absolutely right to do what you’re planning to do. The twat who mentioned being single and immovable deserves no airtime. Those saying cook from scratch - she’s hosting an entire (ungrateful) family year on year - op can do it however she bloody well likes!

Just for reference though, if dairy is the issue, make sure his stuff is DF not lactose free. My daughteR has a similar but more violent reaction but hers is to the protein not the milk sugar (lactose) so lactose free stuff is still an issue.

op - masses of luck and happy Christmas. You absolutely deserve very available happiness.

Every available happiness!

As the mother of a DD with ceoliac which is harder I feel than lactose( sorry but it is having compared notes.with a lactose intolerance friend, who agrees as she just eat vegan) you Db is being ridiculous. His son unfortunately needs to learn he will at times have to see people eat things he can't. The faster he learns this the better. Dd is 16 started 6th form. Goes to college starbucks with friends for lunch but takes her own food, doesn't drink coffee so has water. She was challenged but pointed out they needed to up their GF game, no issues since. If you are giving him nice alternatives he will be fine. M&s have a great Free from range btw, including Xmas bits. Not sure about roasties though sorry

I have also just realised I buy all these presents but receive only two! One from my parents and one from my sister!

I totally get that adults don’t get many presents - but I buy for so many people every year and put a lot of effort into it.

I will still of course buy for my nieces and nephews and take them to to panto etc. but I am not being as generous with all the adults. I spend so much time making everyone’s Christmas special bit no one does the same for me! So it ends.

I feel like your brother is fully getting his just desserts in Christmas 24 and so is your mother. Good! I’d have no objection at all to an update should you be so minded to provide one!

OP you sound super. I wouldn't let the negative people on her get under your skin. I think you're doing more than enough to cater for all. Your mum and brother sound insane. In a couple of weeks this will all blow over. Just stick to your boundaries. Your Dad will probably help calm everyone down and tell them to give you a break. Also I am feeling stupid that I never thought of pre-prepared Christmas dinner. My mum and I slave away every year preparing everything from scratch and on the day itself, its so much work we end up cooking on Boxing Day instead shock horror! As you say, 3 says of wonderful hospitality at your place. Noone has a life altering allergy. Everyone needs to keep calm and carry on!

I think you're doing the best thing Op, if your Dsis doesn't invite your DB then that's his own fault. It's not about your Nephews food intolerance, it's about your DB's huge sense of entitlement and your DM backing him up at every turn

Delighted to read that you are standing up for yourself.
I'd book somewhere first for next year and then tell everyone that you're off and Christmas is on them.
Your DB and family sound awful, can't believe they don't bring even one gift for you!!!

I don't even know you but I'm feel a bit proud of you for making this decision!

You are clearly an amazing Aunt who goes above and beyond, and I'm glad you've realised that you're worth people putting in effort for you too.

It's not too late to feck them all off now you know.
Have you looked for some Christmas 2023 bargains? If they're pissed off and crying, you might as well rip the plaster off!

Hi You’re not unreasonable at all to not be willing to alter your whole way of meal prep to accommodate 1 guest, irrespective of age. You are supplying options which is very kind of you. If his dairy problems are going to be life long he is going to have to get used to pick & choose, & yes that sucks when you can’t have a desert because everything “may contain” but that’s life & it’s not always fair.
I often host big meals for vegan, vegetarian, meat eaters, gluten & dairy free & nut allergy at the same time. Of course everyone can’t eat everything & would probably explode if they tried there are a lot of options🤣
Different people bring there own signature dishes home made or shop bought doesn’t matter, ingredients are checked where necessary & any risky dishes kept apart with separate utensils etc. (the nut & gluten allergies are severe)
On a practical note Turkey cooks very well basted with a mix of olive & vegetable oil so no need for butter, if you want to keep the Turkey dairy free & same with potatoes, if cooking from scratch ( you can buy ready peeled)
Sounds like SIL is going a bit overboard, accepting that she might be worried but doesn’t sound like child’s father is being as careful & they’ve not altered their own diet permanently to accommodate sons needs so personally think they are being very rude & cheeky to expect you to, and to not offer to bring anything, dairy free or otherwise that’s a whole other level of cheeky!!!
Good Luck

Wow, that is shocking. They get catered to every year, you spend so much on them and their children but they can’t trouble themselves to get you so much as Christmas present as a thank you. They’ve shot themselves in the foot now. Take, take, take whilst handing out ludicrous demands. They must think your life revolves around them.

It's only September, still time to withdraw from hosting 2023, that will leave them with enough time to sort themselves out!

Does anyone else just want to go to @Bellyblueboy christmas? Hot chocolate and pastries, open fires and neighbours popping in, generous presents and sparklers in the garden. Sounds bloody fantastic.

Your nieces and nephews will remember your fun house and look back on it fondly even if your knob brother doesn’t get it. Is he stingy in all aspects of life or is it just an entitlement thing? Is he less well off so expects you to treat him? Anyway, he sounds deeply irritating and I’m glad you’re sacking them all off in 2024. New York New York!

Your brother sounds like a twat.

I am lactose intolerant, fairly severely. I don't react to the cathedral city lactose free cheese so I would recommend that. The best dairy free butter I have found is a Naturli one.

You're being so reasonable!

I have nut allergies. There are some things I just can't eat at Xmas when apparently stuffing nuts into everything makes it 'luxury'. There is just less choice when you have allergies. Just find out what the key parts of Xmas dinner are for him and do those (if it were me, don't worry about the mash, just a good number of roast potatoes).

You really come across as a lovely person, I hope this situation shows you your real worth as a person! Make sure you do everything you said you will this year and next year look forward to the Christmas you deserve xx

I’m glad to see you realise your worth on this thread and to start to find your anger.

Match what people give you and how much they spend on you.

So no more presents for DB and SIL, and just one present for parents and sis and SIL.

if they only get you one present then they should get a small present each or one present they can share (like chocolates).

Ah OP you sound bloody brilliant, your nephews are lucky to have you as an Aunt & trust your DB & SIL won't ever get over being annoyed hearing how amazing Christmases were at Aunty BellyBlueBoys.

It is wrong to make everyone eat dairy free because of 1 person especially if you are catering specially for that person. My son (4) was invited to a party with vegan food and was allergic to one of the ingredients in the vegan baking and came out in a huge rash during the party. Had to leave and see GP and get medication. I think it's safer to provide dairy free for anyone who wants it but non dairy free for those that are happy with dairy.

Yes! I was just thinking that a Bellyblueboy Christmas sounds like a modern version of Charles Dickens and Hollywood!

i can't imagine there is a nine year old boy anywhere who would be upset about not being able to eat a bit of cauliflower cheese when there are cousins to play with, fireworks, garden games, lego and everything else on offer.

Hope everyone realises what a fantastic job you have done over the years and that you have a wonderful Christmas in New York next year.

My friend is lactose intolerant. When she wants to eat cheese she takes a pill so her stomach is not upset. Has your nephew tried taking lactase enzyme pills (called Lactaid)?

You sound amazing!!!

My son has multiple anaphylactic allergies including dairy and I wouldn't expect the whole family's meal to be safe for him. As long as he has food that is as similar as possible to what everyone else has that's all I ask. I will always help source the food and cook it if needed. He's 8 he doesn't mind and he knows his health is more important anyway, plus he usually ends up extra spoilt with sweets and pudding and pudding as people worry he's missing out 😂

The world isn't allergen free so he needs to navigate it and doing so with a loving family offering lots of safe treats and alternatives will help build his confidence around food and his diet. We do not have an allergen free house for this reason.

You seem to have a great relationship with your nephew could you ask him if it bothers him others having dairy round him? If he says yes then have a chat what would help him feel better pro tip giant dairy free knickbocker glories usually help my son there's even dairy free chocolate whipped cream 😉

You sound amazing!
I also have a golden balls brother who lives 4 hours away, so I do all the 'mum' admin with our mum, which is fine but she won't hear a bad word against him. He phones her once a week and visits twice a year, if that.
I don't blame you for making this the last Xmas Dinner you do, it sounds such hard work for little thanks.
As for this year, have you considered a restaurant Xmas Dinner? I'm.sure they could cater for Dairy free DN. The family need to realise that the intolerance is something he will have to manage himself, they can't expect everyone else to change their diets accordingly 🤣